Having a lazy spouse can be both infuriating and stressful in marriage. You expect her to help you in the house, in doing errands and other work. A lazy wife can cause a rift in the relationship. It can also become the reason for any cessation of communication. You need to deal with this kind of situation as early as possible to make sure that your marriage stays intact and stable.
The steps to dealing with a lazy wife make up a long and patient process. The beauty of this journey is that you are helping your wife be better and enjoy her life more by removing this negative trait and replacing it with something that is usable and effective.
Do not be angry at her, but instead focus on removing her detrimental trait. She will change when you have explained your purpose and your desire for her to be a better person. Eventually, through much persistence and understanding, both you and she will reap the benefits.
Set the Right Purpose.
Before approaching her with this problem, you should first establish your purpose in resolving this issue. You must make sure that your reasons are right. It must not be to hurt your wife. After all, you are dealing with someone that you truly love.
To be honest, we husbands can be very selfish when we want to solve our wives’ problems. We feel that we are doing all the work. We think that our wives should stop lying on the couch and start helping us. We say that we deserve more than just being the sole person who does things in the house.
This may all be true, but you must understand that having this mindset will not help you or your wife. If all you think about is you and what you do, you will not fix the problem. Your wife is not a burden to you. She can be a great help if you know how to motivate her.
What, then, is the right purpose for this issue? You must stop focusing on yourself. To have the right purpose, the goal must be about your wife and not you.
To make things clearer, you should not say, “You should stop lying on the sofa all day because I need help cleaning the house” or “I am the only one that gets things done here; you should pull yourself up and make yourself useful because I am getting tired.”
You can, instead, focus on changing her mindset and behavior. “You will be helping yourself if you start early and finish strong.” “You will have more time with the kids if you get your job done as soon as possible.”
Yes, you are tired, and yes, you are stressed. But she does not need to hear that from you right now. What she needs is a loving husband who will support her every step of the way.
Make Things Clear to Her.
Once you have created your own right motivations with solving the problem, you must now be open to her. You should communicate to her that there is something wrong that needs to be fixed.
The difficulty here is choosing the words to say so that you do not hurt her feelings but rather motivate her to fix it with you.
I do not know about you, but in my case, I often think that I am often straightforward with what I think and what I say. If I want to state something, I just bluntly say it to her because she knows that the things I say are meant to help her.
In this case, it depends on how she views you and how she receives correction. If she gets hurt easily, be as careful as possible with your words. Tell her that you are not here to judge her or condemn her. You are saying these words to help her be more productive and lift your marriage to a new level of maturity.
If she can receive it as my wife does, then don’t beat around the bush and just say that you will need to work things out to solve the prevailing issue.
Just to make it clear, do not use the word lazy around your wife. She can act like that, but she does not want to be branded as it. Even husbands do not want to be identified as lazy people. Whether you have a sensitive wife or one who can take it straight, do not use the word lazy to describe her.
Consider Your Wife’s Perspective.
To avoid being overly angry with her, it is useful to put yourself in your wife’s shoes. How would you feel if you were told that you are not helping in the house? Would you hate your wife if she attempted to reach you with this problem? How would you react? Are there any reasons why my wife would think that I am lazy?
By getting an understanding of your wife’s perspective, you will have a more rational approach. We would not want our wives to be on the defensive right from the very start. Our goal is for her to lower her defenses and allow us to reach her thoughts and emotions.
Do Things Together.
One way to get things started is by being beside her when she first does household chores or when she does errands. You should not command her to pick up a broom and clean the room.
You must initiate it and ask her if she can help out. If you have communicated this problem appropriately, she will understand that you are getting yourself involved in fixing her problem.
If you want her to run errands, make sure that you make her acquainted with the places that she needs to go. It will be more difficult to ask her to do things if she does not know the address or the area where she should be. If she will commute, ride in the cab with her. If she will take the car, drive to the location with her.
You Must be Consistent.
If you have started solving the issue, you should be consistent with it. I have talked to a lot of husbands who say that they have tried to involve their wives and asked them nicely to do chores. But old habits die hard. Some wives go back to their old ways. To avoid conflict or more stress, their husbands just stop and let their wives be who they were before.
For the laziness to be completely eliminated, you must stay the course. Having her on track with you is already half the journey. You only need to stay with her and make sure that she is not giving up. When she feels down or does not feel the urge to help you, give her a morale boost and rally around her.
Adapt a Way that is Good for Her.
By now, you may know what works for your wife. Does she like planning? Does she get things done when she makes lists? Or is she more of a reminder kind of person?
Find whatever will work best for your spouse. Do not impose your own procedures onto her. You may be more efficient with your process, but it will not be effective for her. If you do not know yet, you can sit down and figure out the perfect way for your wife to move forward.
You should be patient with your wife. Be ready to shoulder the burden for the next few months. If she says that she cannot do it, motivate her. If she says that she is tired, be ready to help her even if you need to accomplish your own tasks.
This journey is not about you, but about her and her struggles in life. Be patient. Understand her situation. Only then can you solve your problem and bring life back to your marriage.
Can I really stop laziness? Some might say that laziness is a sign of intelligence (Inc.com). But in the article, you still need to lift a book and read in order to be called smart. Doing chores is, after all, not proving that you are smart; instead, it is a showing of your love and affection for your spouse.
Mike Zhang. Founder of FamilyLifeShare