Men cannot say that they have the formula of understanding women because this is just a lie. Men cannot and will not understand women, and women will also not comprehend the complexities that happen in men’s brains. This is a fact that came about before time began and it is still true today.
Fortunately, for you, men, we have gathered the happiest and most marriage-satisfied women that we know and have asked their help on how to help you understand your wives better.
Take note that these women are very content in their marriages. They have found the joy in being with men. They will give you tips and tricks that you can use to have a better grasp of who your wives are and what you can do to understand them better:
This seemingly short word will go a long way if you start opening your mouth and utter a sound. Yes, we talk a lot, but for good reason. It is because most husbands do not talk at all in the marriage. They just nod and say that they understand the situation. But most of the time, they are just focused on watching football or the latest news.
Learn to speak to your wives. There is more to a marriage than just sex, physical attraction or financial stability. You need to create a bond with your wife to better understand her. And it all starts with the conversations that you will have with her.
You can begin by asking how her day was. Learn about what she felt throughout the day in her work, during lunch, and as she was going home. This is important stuff. We will know if you listened to what we said or not.
As you get more used to talking with your wife, you will recognize her routines, how she behaves when she is mad, how she reacts when she is provoked, and how to make her happy.
You can figure out all of these by just talking to your spouse. This is the most important task that you need to do as you start your quest to understand your wife.
Recognize that Your Wife Has the Key.
You cannot ask your male friends how to understand your wife because first of all, they are male, and second, they are not your wife. You may ask her family about her behaviors because they somewhat have an idea of how your wife acts. But you can never be too sure unless you go to the actual person that you want to know more about.
You have to realize the fact that your wife holds the key to understanding her. No one else. To get the key, you must ask for her permission.
If she opens up to you and unlocks the key to her thoughts and the reasons for her actions, then you have a greater chance of knowing her more and being more in tune with mind and heart.
Know the Right Words to Say When We Don’t Feel Great about Ourselves.
We are not always the upbeat wives that you usually know. We still have personal problems to deal with. We can also be burdened by the circumstances that our friends or family maybe in. When we are stressed or feeling anxious, sometimes that reflects on the way we look.
If you see us looking worse than what you normally see in us, please hesitate to beas blatant as possible in your words. You can, at least, choose words that will not be as hurtful. Or better yet, you can ask us how our day went.
If you attack us directly on our looks, we will surely retract and be emotionally hurt by what you said. The result would be to encapsulate ourselves in our own bubble until you do something else to ease the burden that we already have.
Do not Argue About Sex.
Sex is made to be beautiful and wonderful. It is not supposed to be forced unto anyone. And it should not be done just because it is a responsibility to your spouse. It should also not be withheld out of spite, anger, or lack of respect.
It should be an enjoyable and explorative experience between the husband and the wife. Never argue with your wife about sex. Think about her first when it comes to sex. She might be undergoing stress or maybe having a hormonal imbalance. The best way to go through this situation is to ask her about it.
Don’t think that we do not want to have sex with you. We do. We married you, right? But, as science has proven, there are a lot of things that are going on in our minds.
If you really want to have sex with your wife, entice her first. Stimulate all her senses. Make her the only woman that matters in the world. As you engage her emotionally and physically, you can better make her feel secure and relaxed as you go through the motions before sex.
A Little Appreciation will Have Big Returns.
You should not restrict yourself from saying words of affirmation and appreciation to the woman that you love. You have been praising her all these years before you got married. What is stopping you right now?
Be generous when you give your appreciation to your spouse. Never hesitate when you want to give it. Sometimes, appreciating your wife can go beyond words and even be in a form of date nights, movie tickets, concert tickets, or a new makeup or dress.
By appreciating her for what she does for you, for your home, and for your kids, she will also be more open to what she feels about herself and about what she is doing.
Being a Wife is Different from Being a Mom.
You cannot assume that we can handle everything because we are hardwired that way. Being a wife to you is very different from being a mother to your kids. When it comes to the kids, you should both be hands-on with them.
Decisions for them must be made by the two of you. Disciplining your children should be acknowledged by the husband and the wife. Even spending fun time with them should be shared between the kids, the father, and the mother.
Do not rely on your wife to manage the home for you. It is your responsibility, too. This is what marriage is all about. It is handling all your affairs together in the best and most organized way possible. When it comes to being parents with the kids, you are both in charge.
Give the Right Motivation.
The right motivation is not about what you want or what you think she wants. She has her own dreams and personal goals in life. You have to know that. If you do not have it on a list somewhere, then you better ask her now.
Understanding her means knowing all of her. This includes her aspirations. Support her in her desires. Be there where it matters. Be present to cheer her on.
In a study published in Stanford Medicine, here are where the main differences between a male brain and a female brain lie:
- Male brains are larger than female brains.
- A woman’s hippocampus, which is concerned with learning and memorization, is bigger than that of a man.
- A man’s amygdala, which is concerned with emotions and recollection, is larger than that of a woman.
- Both the hippocampus and amygdala functions differently in men and women.
- Both the left and right hemispheres of a woman’s brain talk more to each other than those of a man.
- Men and women are generally different to each other because of the hormones that we secrete, thus changing the way and pattern that men and women think.
The minds of men and women are multifaceted. We cannot expect one another to fully understand how our brains work. But that is the beauty of relationships and marriages.
We explore each other’s behaviors and we learn from mistakes and experiences. And we also have happily married women who can give us tips and trick on how to better understand wives.
Mike Zhang. Founder of FamilyLifeShare