You promised your wife you would love her forever despite her imperfections. And one of the possible negative habits that she may have is nagging. You will not notice this behavior at first, but as soon as it becomes regular, it becomes stressful and irritating.
Nagging according to a family therapist
Michele Weiner-Davis, a counselor and author of numerous books on relationships, says that nagging takes the form of reminders and appeals. The problem with nagging is that most people who nag do not know that they are actually nagging.
How can you differentiate persistence from nagging? To put it simply, if a request becomes annoying and unpleasant to the ears, it becomes nagging. You do not want to hear the same words over and over again.
If your wife is becoming more and more overcritical and nagging, what can you do?
7 Tips on Deal with an Overcritical and Nagging Wife
1.Put yourself in her shoes.
Before being angry and distressed, you must first approach this with a peaceful and calm mindset. Instead of immediately reacting negatively to her requests, you must instead consider her perspective.
Why does she always keeps repeating these thing to me? Is she really that annoying, or am I not just doing my job? Is she really a nagging wife?
Sometimes, we husbands do not realize the fact that we are not doing our jobs in the house. We can often forget to live up to our end of the bargain, especially if we are the only ones working and our wives stay at home.
We often justify ourselves and say that we are already tired from work and do not have the energy to do other things. Husbands have their own roles to fill inside and outside the house. Whether you like it or not, you have to perform and fulfill your part.
The more you recognize the realities of her needs, the more easily you will stop hating her for it and start doing the things that matter.
2.Just do what she asks you to do.
The easiest way to stop her nagging is to just finish the tasks that she wants you to do. The bulk of the requests that you will receive may concern your home – new furniture, changing lighting fixtures, repairing water lines, and the like.
You can approach these concerns in different manners. First, you can give her a priority list of the tasks. Inform her about the importance of doing some jobs first and putting others on hold. Use your organization skills to set aside time for the tasks and make sure to follow your own schedules. If she sees that you have started working on her requests, she will stop nagging.
What about the work that you cannot do? If you do not know how to install water pipes, do masonry, or replace tiles, it is best if you just hire a professional to do it. A nagging wife will not force you to do things that you do not know about. She just wants you to accomplish the work, no matter who actually completes it.
In your local neighborhood, you can find experts who can do particular jobs well. The only thing that you need to do is to monitor them and make sure that they can finish their work on time.
Some requests from your wife may require you to spend money, such as new electronics, dining sets, kitchenware, and drapes. With these concerns, you have to sit down and talk about these first. What are the things that you actually need? What would be luxuries that can be postponed to a later date?
You do not have to shut down everything that she requests of you. Instead, rank the items based on what you currently have to buy. The other devices or equipment further down on the list and buy them when you have spare money to spend.
The easiest way to react to a nagging wife is immediate anger. You can get into a shouting match with your wife. You can walk out and leave her hanging. But are these the right things to do?
Definitely not. Control your emotions and do not let your anger get the better of you. You must understand that despite the nagging issues that your wife has, you still love her and she is still your partner in life.
Calm down. If you are frustrated, try not to utter a word. Laurence J. Peter, a well-known educator, said, “Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret. Your words may be true but it can also hurt your wife.
Do not worsen the circumstance by saying upsetting words to your spouse. Just breathe in and out. Do not do anything rash. Focus all your energy on keeping the situation under your control.
4.Do not repress your emotions, either.
Controlling your emotions is different from repressing them. Controlling your feelings means not allowing yourself to do things that you will later regret. When you repress, you are throwing your emotions out the window altogether.
You need to acknowledge your anger and frustration. By understanding that you are in a condition that is not usual, you will look for ways to fix and restore it to the normal setting. If your wife is overcritical and nagging, this is not healthy for your relationship. In the long run, it may be irreparable and irremediable if you do not address it.
5.Talk to her about it.
If you feel that your self-worth is being put down through her nagging, you must talk to her about your feelings. If you can just be vulnerable about your feelings, she will understand. No loving wife would want to hurt her husband, much less his self-respect.
Be ready to face a wife that is in denial at first. She will say that she is just being honest with you and that what she is demanding is what the family needs. You can tell her that you do not doubt her requests, but you are more concerned about how she is saying it.
You should be exact in giving examples of her nagging. This is just to indicate specific situations to make her realize that she has been going out of line with her words and actions.
6.You can negotiate with her.
Some of the tasks that she is requesting you to do may be too difficult to do at particular times and conditions. The best thing to do is to negotiate with her so that she can stop nagging you about these jobs.
For example, perhaps she wants you to take out the trash before the day ends, but you feel that you are too tired to do it when you arrive home. Instead of bickering about it, you can just meet her halfway and say that you can take the trash out in the morning before you go to work.
Compromise is, most of the time, the solution to couples’ problems. Do not be close-minded and refuse to listen to what your spouse has to say. Be ready to make deals with your spouse so that you will both be satisfied with the result.
7.Maintain your affection toward your spouse.
Even if she is a nagging wife, there are still a lot of good things about her and what she does. Never overlook those things. By focusing more on the beauty that she has, you will be able to love her more.
Do not forget to kiss and hug your wife. Be physically intimate with her. Connect with your emotions and remind yourself why you love each other. When you show affection toward your wife, she will feel more secure with you. She will also love you more and be willing to change for you.
Nagging is just one aspect of your wife. The sooner you deal with it, the better your relationship will be. But as with any other ill behaviors that either of you may have, it takes consistent time and effort to deal with imperfections and maybe a lifetime to completely eliminate them.
You just have to remember that you love your wife – and she loves you, too. Keep faith that she will get better at handling your relationship, and she will be more understanding to your inadequacies as a husband. Your bond is stronger than any problem, and you will surely get over anything that comes your way.