A wife who will not have sex with her husband is a secret that some couples do not want to share with other people. But this situation happens in many more marriages than you would think.
According to the Durex Wellbeing Global Survey, only 44 percent of married couples said that they are fully satisfied with their sex lives. Half of those surveyed are not happy with their bedroom escapades. The results in 2011 revealed that 12 percent of those interviewed slept alone.
What could be her reasons?
Since your wife does not seem to want to have sex with you, the only way to find out why is to ask her directly. If you have built your relationship with the foundation of honesty and loyalty, then no matter how difficult it is to admit the real reason, she will eventually need to tell you.
Your wife may be undergoing a particular illness that gives her a low sex drive. According to this article from MayoClinic.org, a lot of factors affect a woman’s desire to have sex. It can be because of physical causes, like pain during orgasm. It can be because of particular diseases like cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, and other neurological sicknesses.
If your wife has just had menopause, has become pregnant, or is currently breastfeeding, then hormonal changes can cause her to dislike sex. The uneasiness and the different transformations that she is having may cause her to become more focused on these changes rather than prioritizing sex.
The reason behind not liking sex may be poor self-image. If your wife has just undergone surgery or is recovering from an illness, then she may feel that she does not look all that great. She may be dissatisfied with her appearance, which causes her to not want to have sex with you.
Stress, anxiety, and depression may also cause her to lose her sexual drive.
- Relational concerns
Your relationship with each other may also be the main reason that she does not want to do anything with you. This can be the hardest to admit, because you are the one involved. Frequent fights, arguments, shouting matches, fidelity concerns, trust issues, and other emotional problems may reduce her desire to have sex with you.
What to Do When Your Wife Won’t Have Sex with You
If you have reached a point where your wife does not have sex with you anymore, then here are some practical tips that you can put into action:
The first step in every problem encountered in a marriage is be patient with your spouse. You do not need to do something drastic immediately if you see a concern in your relationship.
Some people already have patience prior to marriage. But some only develop their patience during the marriage. Whether you are patient or not, you must double or triple your level of patience when you get married. It is the only way for your marriage to survive and thrive.
You should talk to her about the problem. You can sulk and be angry with her if she forbids you from having sex with her, but it will not solve anything. The resentment and annoyance will only grow every time she rejects you.
But if you sit down and talk to her about the matter, it will be clearer for you and for her. If you nurture an environment of trust and love in your relationship, then your marriage is a safe place to be truly honest with what you feel.
Just tell her the issue. But you should also be careful with your words. Up to this point, you feel like you are the one being hurt because you are not getting the sex that you want. But, at the same time, you also do not know the real reason. So guard your words and make sure that you do not pierce her emotions with your statements.
Seek medical help.
If she reveals that she has some physical pains or illnesses, you need to accompany her to a professional to diagnose her problem. If it is a physical problem, experts can recommend medications to make sexual activity pleasurable again.
If she has some other sickness, then all you can do right now is to be with her physically and emotionally. She needs all the support that she can get. And her strength will be coming mostly from you as her husband.
After treating the disease, you can then go back to your initial problem and figure out what you can both do to resolve it.
Be more understanding of her condition.
This is especially true if she is currently undergoing some hormonal changes caused by menopause, giving birth, or pregnancy. She is under a lot of stress right now with all the biological changes she is experiencing.
You do not have to add to the anxiety by forcing her to have sex with you. You can still share the problem with her, but give her more leeway in fulfilling her duties as your wife. Mature husbands should make the sexual activity as enjoyable as possible, even during times when bodily hormones are affecting your wife’s physical and emotional status.
Appreciate her more.
If she says that her self-worth is really down, then she sees her body and herself, generally, as someone who is not worthy of having sex with you. What you can do is to appreciate her more.
Tell her that she looks great. Women have always made an effort with their appearance, even when they are just staying at home. Do not forget to say how beautiful she is. If you see a new pair of shoes or a new dress, then tell her that her clothes look great on her.
Words really go a long way. These simple words can restore your wife’s self-image and bring her confidence back.
You can also appreciate the things that she does for you and your family. Your wife is stressing herself to fix all the things in the house. By acknowledging how she manages the home and the kids, you are also boosting her self-esteem.
Take a look at yourself.
Evaluate yourself. Are you taking care of your looks? Are you keeping a healthy body? Are your stamina and endurance enough to give your wife the enjoyment that she seeks when you are having sex?
These are just a few of the questions that you should ask yourself. Maybe she won’t have sex with you because you are not taking care of yourself much. Improve your overall health to make your sex life more pleasant and satisfying.
Do not forget to date your wife at least twice a month. She has always been busy with her work and her kids. Give her a timeout from her daily routines and bring her to a lovely restaurant. You can also take her to a place that she has wanted to visit for a long time.
By dating her, you are reconnecting with her emotionally. You are rekindling feelings that may have been lost because you are both keeping yourselves busy and preoccupied with responsibilities and work.
Help her with household chores.
If you want her to have enough strength to have sex with you in the night, you should make sure to help her with the chores throughout the day. You can cook for her and clean the dishes. You can also tuck the kids into bed. Give her time to fix herself up so that she will be ready when you go to bed.
It is not just about the sex.
Your wife is stimulated differently than you are. Husbands can easily increase their libido with only physical excitement. But women are more into emotions. If their emotional needs are met, then sex will surely follow.
Focus on leveling up the desire through words. Send her texts about how excited you are to go home and have sex with her. Call her and tell her that she is beautiful. Say how much you love her.
You should also give more time to foreplay. It is one of the underestimated parts of sex. Be sure to make the foreplay worth your wife’s time. If she is stimulated correctly, she will definitely be more interested in sex with you.
Sex is a pleasurable activity enjoyed by husbands and their wives. It should never be forced on anyone. And one should be prohibited from claiming it as much as possible. But internal and external factors may cause your wife to not want sex.
Be the mature husband that your wife married. Help her adjust to her current situation, fix any relationship problems that arise, and bring back the intimacy. Eventually, your wife will want to have sex with you again.