When Your Husband Ignores You: The Do’s and Don’ts

Resentments and frustrations swell when the husband and the wife share no common seat for love and affection. But when discussions between couples easily turn into heated arguments, what do we expect from them? Sometimes, keeping our mouths shut in exchange for that small slice of peace of mind is worth it.

Be that as it may, the so-called “silent treatment” is still a slippery slope. One day, you enter a peaceful home, and tomorrow, you might not. Is this how you want your marriage to go on?

In my many years of being married, I’ve met crowds of women who protest of their spouses’ unwanted habits. Lack of attention, intentional disregard for their feelings, and loss of time are the most problematic behaviors. Thereby, these women cannot help but become resentful or counter-attack with the “silent treatment.”

Can we blame them? It is indeed a painful thought that our spouse can go a day without talking or even looking at us.

But when your husband ignores you or pays no attention to your daily efforts, it’s never okay to retaliate by blackballing him from your life. Wives are also discouraged from provoking further friction by squabbling.

Instead, it is best to direct your goals toward uncovering the root of your problems. Remember not to add more salt to the wound.

Here Are The Do’s and Don’ts When Your Husband Ignores You.

The Do’s

1.Communicate.

In Thomas Kilmann’s Conflict Mode Instrument, “avoiding” is cited as one of the five major conflict management styles. Thus, your husband’s habit of ignoring things about marriage could be his passive way of dealing with your chronic issues.

Although avoidance of conflict can sometimes yield good outcomes, it is not a good strategy for unresolved marital problems. Marriage conflicts can keep on piling up when not given the attention they deserve. Worse, they could become irreconcilable in just a matter of time.

Therefore, to prevent deeper scars from scraping a hole into your marriage, step forward and start communicating.

Communication is a better strategy to get through a marital crisis. The key is to get your man to talk to you by listening and understanding his concerns first. From there, you can engage him in fixing your issues and rekindling your marriage.

2.Learn to self-soothe.

It’s true that communication can help you get out of your marital crisis. But what if your husband refuses to talk with you? What else is there to do?

If your spouse has become avoidant of any communication with you, do not blame yourself. He probably needs more space to sort out his issues.

During this time, you have to take care of your feelings through self-soothing. Remember, you don’t always have to react negatively to things that are causing you pain and worries.

You can shift your focus to things that would make you happier, such as reading a book, spending time with friends, or shopping for bags and shoes. You need not spend the day crying over your husband’s lack of attention and time.

Also, it is easy to feel hurt when your husband ignores you, thinking that he doesn’t respect you or care for you, when in fact, he’s just busy or too occupied with work duties.

That is why communication is important. The moment you feel like your husband doesn’t pay attention to what you do, ask him right away. That’s the only way you can tell if there’s a problem that needs fixing.

Keep this in mind: just because your husband is emotionally unavailable, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you anymore.

3.Seek counseling.

Above, I mentioned that you don’t always have to respond negatively to hurtful matters. But how are you going to do that when your husband ignores you every day?

It can be nerve-cracking and irritating to be an invisible wife. The pain of being ignored is a disheartening burden for any woman. Hence, it won’t be a surprise if wives get even by ignoring the husband just the same.

However, this avoidance and ignoring of each other tactic will lead the both of you nowhere. Have you thought of seeking counseling?

When your marriage troubles have reached the point where your communication has decayed and the only conflict resolution you can think of is to stay away from each other, then you might need a marriage counselor to help.

Keeping each other at arm’s length is believed to be an indication of a need for counseling. You may feel that your absence gives you freedom from pain and distress. However, the truth is that it just prolongs the agony.

One day, you will both have to return to your marriage. And when you do, you might be greeted with more chaos brought about by unattended marital problems. Marriage counseling can help prevent this from happening.

The Don’ts

1.Don’t get even by giving him the “silent treatment.”

When your husband ignores you, resist the temptation to avenge yourself. He has no right to ignore your feelings. It’s uncomfortable to do something and receive no acknowledgment.

But although this phase gives you a round of painful emotions, getting even with your husband can do more harm than good.

The “silent treatment” is a double-edged sword. It can, indeed, protect you from more miseries and torture. But it can also fuel you with an increased rage and hate.

Will it make you happy if your husband can go a day without talking to you? Will you feel relaxed knowing that your spouse isn’t bothered that you ignore him?

Is this what you really want? Do you prefer this dysfunctional dynamic to roll over your marriage?

So dear, you can give your husband the cold shoulder as he does to you. But be prepared to be welcomed with more disappointments.

You can’t expect your issues to resolve on their own. And that silent treatment? It creates a fake dome of peace in your head. Don’t think for a second that it’s the fix you need for your marital crisis.

2.Don’t nag.

Did you know? It is possible that your husband doesn’t hear you when you’re nagging. He can see you shouting. But he can’t understand what you are saying.

The result? More conflict.

When your husband ignores you, you might feel the urge to confront him and complain about his rude treatment toward you. However, this is not the best thing to do when your spouse has detached himself from the struggles of your marriage.

Perhaps he has enough reasons to draw a line between you, and his avoidance of the matter could be his way of coping with the difficulties he is facing.

Therefore, instead of nagging about his rough and inappropriate behavior towards you, be more kind and understanding. If you feel that there’s a need for you to communicate about your conflicts, choose your words well.

As I mentioned above, you can learn to self-soothe. Rather than throwing the harshest words to your husband, you can clean your home, watch Netflix, or wash the dishes.

Leave the nagging behind. It is damaging and hurtful.

3.No to emotional infidelity.

When your husband ignores you, it can be a very troubling time for you. So you try to find ways to cope with the sadness and pain. Naturally, you seek comfort from friends – men or women.

However, you have to be very careful when you divulge relationship matters to an outsider, especially if it’s a man. Emotional infidelity can easily strike at your weakest.

Emotional infidelity is when you feel a different kind of chemistry and connection with a person other than your spouse.

If you are burdened with the misery of being constantly neglected by your husband, it is expected that you solicit comfort from your friends. But sometimes, this can be dangerous for your marriage.

See, when a woman is in grief due to the strain of carrying her marital problems by herself, she can be weak and frail. So when a man marches in, offering what her husband cannot give her – in this case, time and attention – she becomes fragile. Then, emotional infidelity can happen unintentionally.

With that said, maybe it is best for you to consult a marriage counseling office rather than seeking a friend’s help. A counselor could probably be more knowledgeable in the matter than your peers.

If you love your husband, put yourself in his shoes. Would you find peace knowing that your husband feels more comfortable with another woman? Would you accept it if he says he finds more peace when he’s with another lady?

Even though you’re hurting because your husband doesn’t pay attention to you, you still have no right to hurt him with infidelity. No matter what kind of cheating it is.

Conclusion

Love requires visibility. We can say we love our spouses, but without actions and consistent reminders of what we feel for them, love seemingly fails to exist.

Therefore, it is reasonable for married couples to seek actions and words of love from each other every single day. But when marriage challenges come marching in, the relationship gets complicated. And when complication surfaces, love digs a space underneath. We cannot see it or feel it.

Married couples know that this can be very upsetting. Nobody wants to be in this troubling situation.

But no marriage is perfect. We all have to paddle our boats down a river of relationship hurdles and trials in our lifetime. The difference is how we find our way back into love when things get worse than we expected.

So when your husband ignores you, don’t fret too much. It’s just a phase, and you can both get through it. Find the best way you can to attract him back into renewing the love in your marriage.

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  1. Lucy Leander

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