Marriage does not always pan out as you planned it. Circumstances may arise that may cause you to not love each other anymore. But decisions will be more difficult if you have kids. You cannot just walk away from the marriage. You must think about the welfare of your children.
Staying together for the kids has its advantages and risks. You love your children, but you also need to look out for yourself. Weigh the benefits and the dangers of staying together for the kids. Even if you think that you do not love each other anymore, you still need to talk about it. You should do what is best for the children without compromising your individual happiness and emotional health.
Whichever path you choose, just remember to love yourself every day. Do not punish yourself for the things that happened. Take every little step and do not worry. Everything will be okay as long as you keep firm with your values and your principles.
The Benefits of Staying Together for the Kids
Relatively Better Future for the Kids
According to a study conducted to understand the effects of divorce on children, children with divorced parents are more likely to have low scores on their academics, behaviors, self-understanding, and social relations.
This is mainly because of the guidance provided by parents when they are together as opposed to when they are apart. When they stay together, they are able to give more time to each of their kids. They can lead them to relatively better lives because they are actually present to answer questions for them.
When you stay together, you have two sets of eyes that monitor the growth, both physically and emotionally, of the children. You both take responsibility for raising your kids to become better versions of themselves until they become independent.
Fewer Emotional Problems for the Children
The divorce of parents can be a very devastating experience for children. The norm in society would be the father and the mother staying together for all their lives. But if children have divorced parents, a lot of emotional problems may arise.
First of all, it would be difficult – especially for very young kids – to understand what is happening. Where will the other parent go? Why is he or she not staying in the house anymore? Do their parents not love their kids enough to stay together?
The culture will also be hard on them. The husband and the wife should work on their marriage and not opt to divorce. They may be bullied and ridiculed. Staying together for the kids will ensure that they will not have to undergo these personal issues.
You are Ensuring Your Availability as Fathers and Mothers.
Children need their parents. No matter how you look at it, there are needs that can only be fulfilled by the dad and those that can only be satisfied by the mom. If you stay together for the kids, you can both be available for the kids.
If the kids need advice, you can both give your side on what should be done. Dads can offer security and protection, while the moms can provide the kind of nurturing and care that the children desire.
If you live in the same house and stay together, you are establishing an environment that is always open to the kids. Availability is important for the children to be directed and led correctly.
You are Ensuring the Economic Security of the Kids.
Statistics showed that in 2013, only 68.5 percent of estimated child support due was actually received. This means that more than 30 percent of kids are not getting the financial aid that they need.
This can be a challenging problem for parents who depended on the spouse to work for the family. If child support is not given, the economic security of the kids will be jeopardized.
But if you stay together for the kids, it will be easier to manage your finances and make appropriate divisions for different expenses. You can look out for the kids’ well-being if you are in the same house.
You Can Still Fix Your Marriage if You Stay Together.
If you decide to get a divorce, you are putting an end to your marriage. It means you can no longer work things out, take a step back and understand what went wrong.
Sometimes, we allow our emotions to influence our decisions in life. You tell yourself that you do not love your husband or wife anymore. But the problem is that emotions change. You may be livid today, but maybe you won’t be angry tomorrow.
You should not decide on getting a divorce after a heated argument when you are still fuming with anger. Not only is it unhealthy, but it also may lead you to do things that you will regret.
If you choose to stay together, you are giving your relationship a second chance. You can still overlook your failures and see the beauty of your marriage.
You are Providing a Standard View of Marriage.
If your children see that you do not walk away from marriage but instead find a solution to repair it, you are setting a standard for handling relationships for your kids. They should be accountable for their decisions and be responsible to their partners.
Problems need to be talked about and fixed, not left behind. You can show to your kids that marriage is more than just a contract – it’s a covenant between two people. If they see how you treat your relationship, they will mirror this behavior in their future relationships.
The Dangers of Staying Together for the Kids
You Often Forget About Your Own Happiness.
When you choose to stay together, you sometimes become so focused on handling and taking care of the emotions of the kids that you often forget about your own happiness and satisfaction.
You should not lose yourself in your marriage. Your status may have changed, but your identity is still the same. You still maintain your habits, keep your interests, and pursue your personal aspirations. The main difference is that you have a family that you should take into consideration before deciding on anything.
You can become distracted by your present situation and see yourself as unhappy and discontented. You may see yourself as not having a fulfilling life because of the lost love for your spouse. This can have a toll on your health in the long run.
You Can Become Emotionally Unstable.
Because your emotional needs are not being met by your spouse, you can become emotionally unstable. This can affect not only you, but also your kids. Because you are not loved by your spouse, this can be reflected by the lack of love that you show to your kids.
If you are not able to cater to the needs of your children, staying together can be a lot more detrimental than beneficial for them. You may be physically available to them, but they will not have full access to your presence and thoughts.
You Can Provide an Unhealthy Environment for the Kids.
If you cannot resolve any problem or have only resorted to anger in every argument, you are only creating an unwholesome house for your children. They will see all the shouting and inappropriate behavior that you both may do to hurt your spouse. They may also witness physical or emotional abuse if not prevented.
The situation will be a lot more dangerous if there is abuse involved. You are endangering yourself and your kids. Physical and emotional abuse will have long-lasting adverse effects on your children if you decide to stay together.
You Will not Be Living a Balanced Life.
A satisfying life would include a family where love is freely given and received. It means being able to do the things that you want without hurting yourself or others. It means being fully in-charge of your interests and your self-worth.
If you are staying together just for the sake of the kids, you are modeling a lifestyle that will not be beneficial for the kids. They will see that it is okay to not be contented with their own lives. If they imitate this state of being, they will be entering a new family full of stress and anxiety.
Kids Will Still Notice the Difference.
You may be staying together for the sake of providing a “normal” family for your kids. But if the couple does not act the same as before, the children will still find out that you are not really “together.”
You cannot protect your kids from the truth. It will still come out one way or another. The only difference is that you are in the same house as opposed to having separate lives. It will still have an impact on the way your children will live their lives.
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Mike is the Founder of Familylifeshare. Mike is well-knowledged in marriage, parenting, dogs, blogging and committed to sharing his knowledge and expertise with his readers. Know more about Mike from here.
