Sex is part of marriage. Well, not necessarily. Some marriages exist without sex at all. What is your definition of a sexless marriage?
Some couples who have only had sex once or twice in the past six months may categorize their relationship as a sexless marriage. Some who have not done it at all in six months will say that they truly have a sexless marriage.
Whatever our specifications fora sexless marriage are, if you are not satisfied sexually, you are always going to say that you are not having the amount of sex that you want.
You have to keep in mind, though: a sexless marriage is triggered by a number of things. You have to keep these causes in mind and make sure to follow the solutions that we offer to get back your lively and exciting marriage.
Unnoticeable Causes and Effective Solutions to a Sexless Marriage
Loss of Physical Attraction
The most common yet discreet reason why most people do not have sex with their spouses is because of a loss of attraction. It may seem hard to believe that someone may lose his attraction to his partner. Some may not admit it, but this surely happens to a lot of married couples. Physical attractiveness is a need for both men and women to experience sexual desire.
Why does this happen? Some men and women choose to “let themselves go” after marriage. They do not feel the urge to keep fit and dress for their partner. They may say that their spouses should love them the way they are.
But not taking care of yourself is really quite dangerous, not only for your relationship but also for yourself. If you do not stay fit, you will not be able to perform well in the sack. You may also contract different illnesses that may cause you to avoid having sex with your spouse.
Being unhealthy can also make everyday living difficult because of the medicines that you need to drink, food that you have to avoid, and exercise that you should be doing.
How to Solve This:
Stay healthy. If you are not used to exercising, then you can begin your new lifestyle by focusing on your food intake. Eat only food that can give you nourishment. Fruits and vegetables are a good start. You can also choose to eat lean meat. Some may advise that you go vegan. Pick a diet that you will enjoy and be comfortable with.
You can run to build your stamina. Your spouse may not admit it, but he or she wants sex to last longer so you can maximize the enjoyment. If you get tired easily, you may not be able to satisfy your husband or wife.
You can strengthen your core muscles and build muscle mass, not just to look good but to perform better in bed. According to Andrew Siegel, co-creator of the Private Gym program for men, Kegels strengthen the pubococcygeus and the perineal muscles, which can help you be better sexually.
Strengthening your core and back will give you the capability to use different sexual positions to completely satisfy your spouse. You will also have the flexibility and body balance to last longer in bed.
When You Take Your Spouse for Granted
Another reason why people lose their urge to have sex with their spouses is that they feel like they are taken for granted by their partners.
Some will say that years of marriage will breed familiarity between two people. Yes, it can be nice to be able to know your spouse better throughout your lives. But if you become overly familiar with him or her, you may unconsciously take him or her for granted.
Regularly being with your spouse will make you assume a lot of things. “She has probably eaten dinner. I do not have to invite her to eat.” Or you might say, “I don’t have to update her of my whereabouts. She already knows that I am busy with my work.”
By not looking out for her or making her feel important, you will make her lose interest in you and she will no longer have sex with you.
How to Solve This:
Make your husband or wife your utmost priority. If you are forced to choose between your spouse or your work or interests, you should always choose your spouse.
Do you still remember your first year of marriage? You always texted and called your partner. You always made sure that she was eating well. And you wanted to be with her all the time. If you have not been like this for the past few months or years, you have to bring these habits back.
Your goal for the next few weeks should be to put all your attention to your spouse. Make them feel as if they are the most important person in the world. Desire them again. If you have to change your routines or cancel various appointments, then do so. Your aim is to restore your marriage back to its former glory. Eventually, they will feel loved again and you will be rewarded with physical intimacy.
You Have Different Sex Drives
As stated earlier, individuals define a sexless marriage based on whether they are satisfied with the amount of sex they have in a month or in a year. According to an article published on Prevention.com, a sexless marriage varies from couple to couple. Some may go 90 days without sex and would be fine. Others may have a month with no sex and immediately be alarmed.
As long as both of you are getting the sex that you desire, your relationship will be okay. The problem occurs when one is satisfied while the other is not. This is called incompatibility in sexual drives.
How to Solve This:
First, you have to accept the fact that you have different sex drives. You may desire sex more than your spouse, and that is perfectly normal.
In a study based on the third British national survey of sexual attitudes and lifestyles, it was found out that more than 30% of women lack interest in sex while only 15% of men feel the same. You do not have to doubt the love that you each have for each other. It just so happens that one of you needs to have more sex than the other.
Nagging and being angry will not help you at all. It will only worsen the situation. Your spouse’s self-worth may also be affected if you are not careful with your words.
Do not focus on the destination. Enjoy the sensual touch, the stimulation, the visuals, and the overall excitement of being with your husband or wife. Sex is great – but it is not the end in itself. Feel the pleasure from different aspects of your physical and emotional intimacies as a married couple.
Arguments and Miscommunication
Your spouse may be withholding sex from you as a form of anger and rebellious behavior. Arguments and resentments may lead to a completely sexless marriage. These fights may be an accumulation of petty quarrels or a result of a huge misdeed.
An example of a serious argument that will cause a sexless marriage is infidelity. Cheating on your husband or wife and then being found out will cause your spouse deep hurt and emotional pain, not to mention the stress that he or she is going through.
How to Solve This:
Your spouse may accept you again despite what happened, but that does not mean that all will instantly come back to the way that it used to be. You will need to work your way back to earn your partner’s trust.
To bring back the sex in your marriage, you just need to be humble and apologize for the things that you do wrong. Saying sorry breaks the defenses of your spouse and opens the heart for reconciliation. After your sincere apology, you must follow it up with a promise to make it up to your spouse and do your best not to hurt him or her again.
If you are happy with your marriage and you are contented with the sex that you are having, the number is not important. As long as you still love each other, are physically and emotionally intimate with one another, and fill every need that each wants, you will continue to have a very fulfilling marriage.
A marriage is a give-and-take relationship. You have to know your spouse’s necessities and make sure to realize them so that our needs will also be satisfied. And always remind yourself that anger and resentment will not solve anything. Choose the affectionate path and you will be in a very rewarding marriage in no time.