In fact, a rather intriguing study about premarital sex in the United States concluded that almost every American loses their virginity before tying the knot.
Looking at the data revealed in the aforementioned studies, it must be easy to convince anyone that saving sex before marriage is what it takes to have a lasting relationship.
However, let’s not discount the benefits and importance we can all get from premarital sex. Yes, you read that line right. There’s actually some good in being sexually intimate with your partner before walking down the aisle!
You’ll Know What You Want in Bed.
Premarital sex can help you come out of your sexual shell.
We all received sex education at school. But merely learning about sex and everything that comes with it won’t make you realize what your sexual needs and preferences are.
So how do you plan to have sex on your wedding night? Do you know how to touch your partner? And how do you expect your partner to caress you?
Do you like longer foreplay or quick foreplay? Do you like kissing and hugging or do you prefer sexy talks more?
What are your sexual needs and preferences? How will you know them if you have not ever done the deed?
In Vanessa Marin’s (sex expert) blog, she said that “our sex-negative culture” is partly to blame for why some couples end up with sexual incompatibility and dissatisfaction. She pointed out that it is important to give value to one’s sexual needs, especially since all people have varying sexual desires.
We couldn’t agree more with her thoughts on this matter. Because our society deems sex as morally wrong before marriage, none of us are actually taught that we should pay importance to our sexual needs.
We are not saying that satisfying sex is impossible for first-timers. But let’s face it: some couples do have sexual troubles on their honeymoon night.
And this, my friends, can be prevented if you guys know more about your sexual needs and preferences before exchanging vows.
You’ll Learn about Your Sexual Compatibility.
Practically, having sex before marriage kind of saves you from the horror that you and your spouse are not sexually compatible.
Couples who purged from sexual intimacy can only uncover unexplored territories under the sheets on their wedding night. This is exciting and romantic, but sometimes, it can get a little disappointing.
Why? Sexual incompatibility.
Apparently, when it comes to sexual compatibility, you can’t hit the jackpot in one shot. In fact, it is not unique for sex therapists to hear clients complaining of sexual incompatibility.
Well, each one of us has different sexual needs and sex drive. You may find your partner focusing more on quality rather than the number of your sexual interactions. And you, unfortunately, just want more sex—never mind the level of satisfaction you get from each session of intercourse.
This is obviously an incompatibility in bed.
However, you won’t ever have to be shocked by this truth on your honeymoon night if you gave up the purity pledge before the wedding.
You can Work out Your Incompatibilities.
Sexual incompatibility doesn’t have to kill relationships.
As a continuation of what was said above, couples who have sex before marriage can find time to work out their sexual incompatibilities. Disappointments in bed will be lessened, and as a result, you two are highly likely to find satisfaction when you have sex after your wedding.
It is also an opportunity for you, unmarried couples, to learn to accept each other’s differences when it comes to sexual desires. Or you guys can start discussing your sexual preferences at this point and find a way to meet each other’s needs. This way, you both can better plan your honeymoon night and make it as electrifying or passionate as you expect it to be.
You can Make the Best Decision about Marrying Your Partner.
Sexual contact before marriage puts the ball in your court. Can you marry your partner, or not?
I bet all married couples agree that sex is important in marriage. In case you missed it, a couple’s differences in sexual drive are named as one of the causing factors of divorce.
Sex therapist Peter Saddington revealed nine of the most common causes of divorce, and unsurprisingly, differences in sexual libido fell fourth on his list. As it turns out, bed problems can lead to marriage scars that some couples can no longer resolve.
But divorce shouldn’t always be the endgame. For one, as we have said above, you guys can always work out your sexual incompatibilities.
However, if you honestly believe that after years of being together, you’ll never get past your differences, you can just choose to not marry your partner.
See, when you’ve been in a long-term relationship but still can’t find sexual chemistry and understanding with your partner, then maybe you have to start contemplating whether you really have to take what you have to the next level. We don’t mean to sound too negative, but it’s the cold truth.
Not all couples are meant to be husband and wife. Some people just walk away and take with them the lessons learned, without hard feelings.
And again, you can’t figure all this out if you commit to the purity pledge.
Your Relationship Bonding Improves.
Sex fosters relationship bonding and intimacy, thanks to oxytocin.
Science has proven that sexual intercourse promotes the increased release of a powerful hormone called oxytocin. This hormone acts as a neurotransmitter, sending signals to the brain to regulate one’s social interaction. It is actually dubbed the “love hormone” and is believed to increase bonding and intimacy between partners after sex.
If this is considered, then we honestly think that engaging in premarital sex can possibly improve a couple’s relationship.
Intimacy and bonding are very important in a relationship. Without these two, the connection between couples may possibly crumble and fall in time—simply because getting to know your partner intimately draws you together. It creates a bond that only the two of you know. You feel your partner’s warmth, a sense of belonging, the feeling of oneness, and the power of love.
You Enter an All-New Level of Commitment to Your Partner.
Sex doesn’t just give you pleasure in bed. It is also believed to forge an increased level of commitment.
Commitment is necessary for a lasting relationship. Without being committed to loving, trusting, and respecting your partner, marriage is highly likely doomed to fail.
After all, a relationship is not just about the passion and emotions of love. It is also about commitment and the will to fulfill that commitment no matter the odds.
Surprisingly, sex can help two people build that commitment. Apparently, the act of making love also allows individuals to strengthen their commitment to each other.
That is, of course, if they are doing it with the person they love. Because as you are all aware, some people have sex outside marriage to free themselves from any commitment. However, this shouldn’t be the case in two people who are seriously in love.
Couples who truly love each other feel the bond and the force of being committed to each other. And again, it’s thanks to oxytocin.
Sexual Communication Can be Easier.
Communication is key in all kinds of relationships. However, most newlyweds are usually beating around the bush when talking about their sexual desires.
In case you missed it, studies showed that people who find satisfaction in bed are those who do a lot of communicating. But this is not what we see in newly married couples.
Apparently, couples find it hard to communicate their sexual desires the first time they do the deed. As a result, making love on their honeymoon night can turn out unpretty.
As a matter of fact, couples who have been married for quite a few months to years still find it difficult to talk about their sexual thoughts—which is why we honestly believe that premarital sexual intimacy can cultivate trust and confidence in communicating important matters that concern sex.
Practice makes perfect, doesn’t it?
So, is premarital sex bad after all?
As it turns out, sex before marriage is not all bad. In fact, no scientific research has proven that sex prior to being married can lead to failed relationships.
Yes, statistics and trends found that those who commit to premarital sex may have failed marriages after a few years. But it’s a far cry from saying that once you engage in sex outside marriage, you are in for some dirty divorce papers.
Well, we think you’re adult enough to decide which boat to take. If you think that giving up the purity pledge is okay, then don’t let society pressure you into not fulfilling what you want.
After all, it’s your life and your future marriage we are talking about.
Mike Zhang. Founder of FamilyLifeShare