When I got married to my wife, I honestly did not know the true role of a husband. I just loved my then-girlfriend so much that I did not want to let her go. I wanted to be with her forever and the only way to do this was by proposing to marry her.
Fast forward to three years into our marriage—I realized that it takes a lot of responsibility and accountability to be a husband. Because I made a choice to become one unit with another person, that is, my wife, I no longer exist only for myself.
Understanding the True Role of a Husband
Be the leader.
It may be a joke to mention who wears the pants in the family. Of course, we rely on the husband to lead the family. The jokes are definitely funny, but being a leader is no laughing matter.
What does being a leader entail? You must make decisions that matter. Picture this: You are like a boss in a company. Every decision that you make directs the path of the company. The same goes for your family.
As a husband, you must make crucial decisions for your wife and your family. You are not living for yourself alone. The moment you got married, you already decided to bring another person into your life. Your wife is greatly affected by every decision you make.
What are the qualities of being a leader?
According to John Maxwell, author of numerous leadership books and speaker on a lot of engagements and conferences, there are 21 essential qualities of being a leader.
- You must become the rock in your relationship. It means that you should not be easily moved despite trials and struggles in your marriage. You should be the cornerstone that your wife goes to. Your character will dictate the stability of your marriage.
- I think the only way to do this inside the family is to build a personal relationship with your wife. Know her more so that you will identify how to motivate her and lead her.
- You must pour your heart out in the direction that you decided to pursue.
- You can only direct your wife to do a particular task by communicating the purpose and intention of it.
- You can build your competence in handling your family as you go along with your marriage.
- The husband must stand firm in what he believes in and show his courage to his wife.
- You must learn to identify possible mishaps and to adapt to current situations.
- You must learn to prioritize and focus your attention on what really matters.
- Practice generosity inside the family and even in the community.
- You must be the gear that drives the family forward.
- Opening your ears. Communication is always a two-way affair. You should be able to command as well as listen to what your wife is saying.
- Love and care must be present in the relationship. These give you the fuel to give your best effort for your wife.
- Eliminate any negative thoughts in your mind. When you put your mind on something, you must always be focused on a positive output.
- Solution finder. If you encounter a problem, you should not just stand by and see your problem destroy your marriage. Instead, get on your feet and figure something out.
- Relationship focus. With every task that you both do for your marriage, do not forget to regularly ask her how she is doing and if she needs help.
- Take responsibility. You should man up and own your decisions for your family.
- You are not perfect. Your wife is better in some aspects. Delegate and do not be insecure about yourself.
- Never quit. Your family depends on you.
- Leadership is servanthood. You cannot lead without knowing how to serve.
- You should always be open to criticism and mentoring. No one is perfect. You will always need someone who can teach you about being a greater husband.
- You must devise a plan for your family with a particular goal in mind.
Love your wife everyday.
At the start of the marriage, you may think that it is easy to love your wife every day. Well, to tell you truthfully, it is not. Marriage is composed of two people with a particular set of personalities who react differently to every situation that comes their way. Your response to problems may be very unlike how your wife will tackle them.
I guarantee you that you will have arguments in your marriage. Some will be big, but most of the time, they will be about petty things. In these times, you have to remember that you should love your wife even during these days.
Date your wife. Make her feel important each day. Tell her she is beautiful. Fix the plumbing. Paint the house. You can even cook or do the laundry for her. Show her how much you love her by doing these things and more.
Love is about attitude and not emotion. If you let your emotions handle your marriage, then the amount of love that you have for your wife will fluctuate. If you get along with your wife, then your love will be bountiful. But if you are having some disagreements with her, then the love will hit rock bottom.
If your love for your wife is not dictated by what your current situation is, but an attitude that you established the moment you got married, then you will love her unconditionally, which is one of the true roles of the husband.
Be her best friend.
Your wife should not look for a best friend outside of marriage. If she wants a trusted companion, it should be you and no one else. Her secrets, her weaknesses, and her dreams should only be shared with her husband.
Even if she has an existing best friend, you should tell her that you want to know everything about her. Sharing intimate information about each other will make your relationship stronger and more personal.
If she is not yet open to the idea of sharing all her thoughts with you, you can volunteer your own dreams, strengths, and weaknesses to her. Share your own past and the vision that you have for your family. If she understands that you are being vulnerable to her, she will eventually become more open to you.
Be the protector.
You should stand firm and be the protector of your family. This goes for all aspects of your relationship and as individuals. How can you protect your wife?
You can protect your wife by providing for her physical needs. You are in charge of putting food on the table. You are also the provider of shelter and water. Even in our current environment where some wives earn more than their husbands, you should still learn to manage the house and have authority in all the physical sustenance of the family.
You should also protect your wife’s heart. You must sustain her emotional needs. What does this mean? You should always be ready to listen to your wife whenever she wants to pour out her emotions. Even if you are tired from work, you should still give time to listen and talk to her about how her day was. Women get their tanks filled up through quality time, communication, and listening.
You should also guard her sexuality every day. Put up guards and defenses that will ensure her stability in your marriage. It is also the same for you. You should also put boundaries around you that will keep you from looking at other women and help you stay away from temptations.
It is best to understand the true role of a husband before going into marriage. But if you are now months or years into your marriage, it is still great to know your responsibilities in the family. It is never too late to start.
You should stand up and be the good husband that you need to be for your wife. Maleness is different from manhood. Maleness is who we are as beings, but manhood is freely chosen. Manhood is performing the true roles of a husband. Decide on your manhood today.