Falling in love with and marrying someone is hard enough. Doing it twice is really something that you should think about twice or more times.
No matter what age or gender, people still do want to get married. This is probably because men and women seek happiness and joy from the company of another person. Unless you have made a choice to vow celibacy and singlehood, a lot of people would choose to be with someone that they can love and spend the rest of their lives with.
But before you propose or say yes for the second time and take the plunge into marriage, you must take these things into consideration first.
Your Purpose for Remarrying
Many people can be blinded by the emotions that they feel toward one another. And this temporary blindness of the heart and the mind may cause us to marry someone that we do not really want to be with all our life.
That is why a lot of marriages end in divorce. We get tricked by our sudden impulse to be with someone and be married to him or her.
Most romantic movies paint us a picture of marriage that is perfect, complete with joy, and full of harmony. When we expect a marriage without faults and errors, then you better prepare your divorce papers even before you get married.
Marriage is far from perfect. You are an imperfect person who is going to marry another imperfect person. How do two people full of faults and errors build a perfect marriage?
Divorce has taught you many things. It has matured you into a more rational thinker and a critical decision maker. You know now that you cannot enter into marriage unless you know your purpose of why you want to marry this other person.
Questions to Ask
You may want to ask yourself these questions to better know your reason for remarrying.
- Do I love him?
- Is he worth fighting for? Do I need him in my life?
- Am I not willing to see him date another person?
- Do I honestly not want to let him go?
- Am I foreseeing myself to be this person’s partner in the long run?
- Why am I marrying this person?
Unless you are sure that you have an everlasting purpose with him, it would be a good advice not to get married yet. Don’t be deceived. Your future second divorce will be just as hard as the first one.
“This is my life and I will do what I want. I deserve to be happy.” These are the words that a person might say to himself if he wants to get married. And all is well and good. You can decide who you want to be with. It is indeed your life and you must be responsible for your choices.
But the landscape changes when you have kids. These are precious lives that we talking about here. Their future depends on your decisions.
Before you decide to get married again, think about how the marriage can affect your children physically and emotionally. Your remarriage does not rely on whether they approve of it or not, but you should still consider their feelings and their opinions toward your decision to have a new spouse.
It will be a little more complicated if the person you want to marry also has kids of his own. These are additional lives to take care of. These are more personalities and behaviors to deal with. And you will have more emotions in the mix.
Questions to Ask
Think of your kids when you ask yourself these questions.
- Will I need to move to another state when I get married?
- What school will they attend?
- What do they think about my future spouse?
- Is it okay for them if I remarried?
- How do I see my family ten years from now?
- Did I introduce my kids to his kids?
- How will all these children deal with each other?
- How can I guide these kids and prepare them for adulthood?
Divorce can bring you a lot of things – distribution of assets, gaining money, and paying a family debt. Most of the time, all the debt has been paid for before your marriage is ended. But sometimes, you bring your debt to your next marriage.
What can you do about it? You just need to come clean with it. If he really wants to marry you, a little debt will not stop him from being with you. You need to tell him all about the debt and other liabilities that you, as a couple, will incur.
Most states generally separate the ownership of assets and liabilities before and after marriage. But, practically, when you marry someone, you are literally going to share each other’s gains and losses. So you both have got to know what you are going into.
Questions to Ask
- Did I get any debt from my previous marriage?
- Have I told my future spouse all there is to know about my financial standing?
- Is he willing to share the load when it comes to paying my debt?
- Does he have his own debt that we must both pay after marriage?
- Should I pay all my debt before getting married?
Problems with regard to debt and other liabilities are quite common in remarriage. And most of it comes from the divorce of previous marriages. You can never truly cover and hide this problem. Even if you do not reveal it before you get married, it will come out later. It is better to be honest about it.
Forgiveness Asked and Given
Divorce may be caused by a lot of things. But ultimately, this is caused by a conflict between two people: the husband and the wife. A divorce may have a prevalent reason, but you have to take your fair share of blame for what happened to your marriage.
You have to forgive your spouse in order to set yourself free. You can never really move on unless you have forgiven your ex-spouse. What if he did not ask forgiveness in the first place? True forgiveness works on the heart of the person who forgives, not just the person who asks for it.
When you forgive, you are releasing all the anger and pain that you have. You are freeing yourself from the claws of wrath and resentment. You can give new love a chance if you are able to unload the hatred that you have from your previous marriage.
The next thing that you should do is ask for forgiveness. Your husband or wife may have been the main reason why you got the divorce, but you still did something to make the marriage fail. Think about it. Ponder what may have caused your connection with each other to drift away.
Once you fully understand what happened and know what you did or did not do for your ex-spouse to not love you anymore, say sorry and ask forgiveness for it.
Questions to Ask
- Have I really cut ties from my ex-spouse?
- Do I still have any kind of feelings toward him?
- What can I do to make things right between him and me?
You do not have to act on it instantly. It may take you weeks or even months to gather the strength and understanding to forgive and ask forgiveness. Consider doing this before getting into another marriage.
A study published by the Census Bureau for the Economics and Statistics Administration under the US Department of Commerce from 2008 to 2012. It stated that almost fifty percent (49.9%) of the total male population (115,969,884) only married once, and a little over fifty percent of women (54.5%) did the same.
On that same survey, 16.5% of the men and 17.7% of the women married at least twice.
The Remarriage Phenomenon
The previous statistical survey conducted prior to this one was around ten years ago. Numbers prove that there is only a slight change in the numbers of males and females who remarry either because of the death of a spouse or divorce. If it follows this trend, you will be part of the 16% if you are a man and 17% if you are a woman.
Causes of divorce may vary. It can be because of infidelity, domestic violence, alcoholism, desertion, or imprisonment. Whatever the reason for your divorce from your ex-spouse, you must be wise enough not to repeat the same mistake again.
A Few More Statistics
Remarriage is not dictated by age either. In an analysis by the Pew Research Center of the American Community Survey conducted in 2013, the highest percentage of those who remarry comes from ages 55 to 64 (67%). This is followed by ages 45 to 54(63%), 35 to 44 (57%), 65 and up (50%), 25 to 34 (43%), and lastly, 18 to 24 (29%).
Remarriage is about using both the heart and the mind. A new marriage should be covered by a mutual love and care for each other. You must have deep emotions toward each other for your marriage to work.
But a marriage with a heart without a mind presents a lot of complications. People learn from previous relationships and divorces. And now, you can think of all the aspects of marriage before getting into a new one.