You’ve seen this scenario. You got into an awful argument with your spouse. You slept with your backs facing each other. You woke up without having a morning conversation. Then you both left home for work.
It’s a typical bad day, but you do realize that it’s not a bad marriage. So you let the heat cool down and wait until both of you return to your old normal selves.
But what you do not see is that your marriage might be trampling toward a terrible disaster – a misfortune that leads to your marriage’s doom.
Married couples that don’t make it until the end are not served a divorce notice when their problems are still salvageable. This is the tricky and difficult part of a marriage in troubled waters. You cannot foresee the rocky road you’re headed to until you get there.
Well, there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. You know that it’s normal for couples to fight and argue sometimes.
But if you do want to secure your relationship from the fangs of divorce, you better watch out for the signs of a failing marriage.
Here Are the Top 7 Reasons for Divorce That Undeniably End Marriages.
1. You can’t resolve marital issues without hurtful fighting.
Arguments are inevitable in all marriages. But there’s a thin line that separates healthy disagreements and unhealthy fighting.
Apparently, in healthy arguments, couples do not run from fights. Instead, they see the other side of the disagreement and acknowledge the feelings and point of view of each other. They step back before reacting to prevent their misunderstandings from getting out of hand. They take it slow and take turns talking to avoid driving the conversation to an emotionally charged fight.
In an unhealthy argument, on the other hand, couples tend to hurt each other with shameful accusations and outrageous generalizations. It usually happens when the spouses let anger and resentment get into their heads. And as it progresses, both of them become caged in a hurtful conflict where they throw hyperbolic statements that only make the situation worse. They continue to fight until one of them disengages and refuses to resolve the problem.
If you and your spouse are accustomed to the latter kind of fight, you need to evaluate your marriage. You might be able to resolve your marital issues through hurtful fighting for the first few year, but it’s a slippery slope. The gates of divorce could be waiting for you down the road.
2. You can’t agree on money matters.
Your mom might have warned you of it. “You must never fight about money.”
But you can’t help it. You and your spouse are too incompatible, financially speaking. He/she is a spender and you’re not or vice versa. You can’t agree on financial matters and every time you try to talk it out, you pick up yourself from a messier place.
So if you and your spouse always find yourselves in disastrous financial disagreements, it is likely that your marriage will shut down in a few years’ time.
A study conducted on 1,000 adults in the United States revealed that money fights are the second leading cause of divorce. But according to Divorcemag.com, it’s not the lack of money that’s the problem. It’s usually the incompatibility of the couples when it comes to spending and managing their finances.
When one is a huge spender and the other is a penny-pincher, it is no surprise to see them clash at some point. And the danger in it is that if they do not find a way to understand each other’s financial differences, they could be marching their way down to divorce.
Money issues are never petty. If you want to divorce-proof your marriage, fix your financial differences before they get out of control.
There’s a roller coaster of pain and sadness linked to cheating. It’s no wonder that people who’ve been cheated on are choosing to divorce their spouses over staying to repair the damage.
An extramarital affair bites at your happiness in the most unexpected manner you would never have prepared for. If you’ve experienced the pain of infidelity, you realize how horrible of a feeling it is. It’s more than devastating. It’s killing you from within.
That’s why when you experience it in your marriage, healing seems impossible. Divorce becomes the crystal-clear solution to make the unbearable agony go away.
Perhaps this is why infidelity is named as the number one reason for divorce. Many of the spouses who’ve been pained by unfaithfulness found it so difficult to forgive and forget. Some people just can’t get over it. After all, cheating betrays trust. It’s hard to continue a life with someone you cannot trust.
4. You have communication issues.
Your marriage is not a guessing game. Don’t turn it into one.
If you expect your partner to have the vampiric Edward Cullen power of mind reading, your marriage is doomed to fail. Many couples end up with a pile of misunderstandings and conflicts because they expect each other to know exactly what they need or what they want.
But expecting your partner to understand your heart’s desire simply by looking at you will get you nowhere. You have to open your mouth and say it.
Communicate your feelings. Find a way to express your thoughts in a mature, calm manner. Don’t allow your emotions to get locked up by keeping your mouth shut.
You must create an environment where you and your spouse can talk about anything and everything comfortably. This is how you resolve matters in your marriage. You talk and find a fix to your issues.
Communication is key to any kind of relationship. Needless to say, a marriage cannot thrive without it.
5. Your marriage is sexless.
Sex is an important foundation of marriage as it increases physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy. It is beyond satiating the carnal desires and needs of your spouse; it is a vital factor in feeling connected with your other half.
It is more than taking your clothes off and giving your partner the pleasures he/she is asking for. It is an effective method of displaying one’s love and affection.
In addition, the human body has a nature of requiring physical intimacy. It’s a need. And if this need isn’t met, the intimacy between married couples diminishes.
That is why when spouses go sexless, their bond slowly withers. If no intervention is put in place, sexless marriages end in divorce.
It’s a sad reality, but physical and emotional abuse happens in marriage. And most of the time, spouses who fall victim to marital abuse have endured the suffering for so long before finally seeking counseling. Abuse, be it physical or emotional, destroys the health and longevity of marriage. If left uncounseled, it ends in divorce.
So what do you if you are trapped with an abusive partner?
An abusive relationship is a challenge that’s too difficult to overcome without help. It is strongly recommended that spouses experiencing any form of abuse consult a therapist early on.
No one should tolerate an abusive partner for the sake of keeping a marriage intact. If you think your spouse has abusive tendencies, address the issue as soon as possible.
Know that abusive partners aren’t always bad people. Sometimes, they have deep, searing emotional wounds that are to blame for their abusive actions. When this is ruled out at early stages, it would be easier to achieve reconciliation and the marriage has higher chances of surviving.
7. You fell out of love.
The “I don’t love you anymore” clause have been used many times as a ground for divorce. There are debates going on about whether or not the “fell out of love” excuse justifies a divorce, but there are many couples who contest that there’s no point in staying married when there’s an absence of love.Well, in marriage, you will fall in and out of love so many times that you’ll lose count. One day you feel as if there’s no more hope for your marriage and the next, you cuddle like newlyweds.
Love is crazy and magical in that way.
But if you have already given your all to reconcile and make up, yet you still feel no love for your spouse as before, then it might be the right time to call it quits. Sometimes, people fall out of love and lose their way back.
So you should not let your marriage be driven to that wave of falling out of love. It’s a dangerous phenomenon. Always find a reason to love your spouse unless you want your marriage to fall apart.
Divorce will always be a sad word, even if you’ve done it for good and you’re now doing better unmarried. It is always associated with a failed and unhappy marriage. That is why divorce counselors and marriage therapists do not suggest it.
In fact, trained and professional marriage counselors are always doing their best to help couples who are struggling with marital problems. So before you get to that part where you can no longer salvage your marriage, keep note of the top 7 reasons for divorce we rounded up in this post. Take them as your guide and warning.