If you’re a man who’s periodically having thoughts like, “my wife hates me,” or “she hates me again,” fret not. It’s highly likely that your spouse really doesn’t hate you.
In a comparative analysis of men’s communicational approaches versus women, it was seen that . Well, without surveys and research, I think we can all agree that men (most of us) are direct speakers, whereas women are different – they usually say something and mean the other thing.
I’ve been married for a couple of years now and I’ve heard “I hate you” in our arguments multiple times. It’s hard not to believe that my wife hates me after hearing her verbalize it with conviction. I realized, however, that she doesn’t really hate me, even when she says it over and over again.
But although hate wasn’t what she felt for me, I knew she was terribly upset with my shortcomings. And I don’t want to wake up one day realizing that it’s for real – “my wife hates me.”
So I had to know what was causing her frustrations and what I could do to prevent our marriage from falling apart.
My Wife Hates Me and Here’s What I Discovered About Marriage
1.My wife hates me when I don’t argue fairly.
In a long and lasting marriage, couples can’t prevent little fights. As a matter of fact, productive arguments allow couples to hear the other and be heard themselves.
However, some husbands fail to address the fact that when it comes to fighting with our wives, we have to be extra cautious not to overstep on them. As mentioned above, women tend to be emotional. A slight rise in the tone of your voice can hurt them.
Don’t make her feel that you are dominant over him just because you are the man of the house. Fight fairly. Consider her feelings and wants and meet halfway as much as you can.
Also, it is important that you discuss things on the table when it is warranted. According to a study, women are usually the ones who pressure their partners to give what they need while men are the with drawers. This means that men commonly detach from conversations when they don’t have the energy to explain their side.
But that’s not fair. When your wife needs to hear your explanation, it is your duty to give it to her, whether she accepts it or not.
You also must not withdraw from arguments that need immediate resolutions Prolonging such problems may take a toll on your marriage, which you wouldn’t want to happen if you do love your wife.
2.My wife hates me when I burst our “couple bubble.”
Be careful when complaining about your marital issues with anyone. What happens at home stays at home.
Most husbands would find it humiliating if their wife confided about their marriage conflicts in other people. Doing so can expose his weaknesses and break his trust.
Wives also feel the same when it is the husband who complains and whines about the spouse in front of friends and family. It bursts your “couple bubble.”
Your “couple bubble” is the union and the understanding you created inside your marriage. In there, you can act freely with no judgment from anyone because other people know nothing about what happens.
But if you start sharing your marital problems with your peers, then you are slowly letting them in your bubble. This shouldn’t be, as the bubble is only meant to be shared by you and your wife.
Remember that marriage is constituted with a contract that unites a man and a woman as one. Exposing your problems about your spouse is the same as exposing yourself.
Therefore, avoid confiding about your marital conflicts with friends or families. If you feel the need to talk about it with someone, consider an appointment with a marriage counselor or therapist. When you think you need help with marriage, they should be the go-to people, rather than your acquaintances.
3.My wife hates me when I expect her to forgive my mishaps immediately.
In my marriage, one of the things that most upsets me is when my wife doesn’t listen to my apologies. I felt like there’s no sense in apologizing when she would rather binge watch Netflix than listen to me.
Until I learned that my apologies are never enough. My wife needed me to own up to my mistakes and acknowledge how it pained her.
When I would ask for forgiveness, she felt like I was rushing her to forgive me, and that I didn’t give her enough time to process what I did, which, I admit, was true.
Whenever I commit mistakes, I feel so guilty that I want my wife to just forget it so I can move on. But it’s wrong for me to be selfish in those instances.
My wife can’t forgive me if I don’t realize what I did and how painful it is for her to bear it. She needs some kind of assurance that I am not going to do it again and that I regret what I did. She also needs me to make up to her, which is fair enough, I think.
4.My wife hates me when I disregard her thoughts and influence.
Husbands are commonly the breadwinners in the family. However, wives should have a say in all of a couple’s decisions, no matter what.
Men must accept the influence of their wives. They must allow their women to speak their thoughts and listen to them.
In a study about marital conflicts, it was found that men who give in to their wives’ wishes end up in happy and stable marriages. Husbands in marriages that work are those who are willing to hear their life partners. Consequently, males who are belligerent to their spouses are doomed from the beginning, the study concluded.
Wives have the right to their own opinions and wants. It is a husband’s responsibility to acknowledge her thoughts when making decisions.
After all, marriage is not just about the husband. It’s about the husband and the wife. So it is just fair for the man to listen to his woman in making important decisions about their married life.
5.My wife hates me when I don’t help her with chores.
A Pew Research survey highlighted that wives spend more time doing household work than men. But, as it turned out, women prefer it if their partners do the chores with them. It brings more satisfaction in their married life, according to Professor Erin Holmes of Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah.
My wife couldn’t agree more with this. In today’s age when women also work just as much as men, we cannot blame wives for needing their husbands’ help with household chores.
Cleaning the home, cooking, planting the flowers and doing the laundry sound too much to bear for a lady who works regular office hours. Therefore, if the husband can lend a hand, then why not?
Actually, women don’t ask for men to do the chores with them at a 50:50 ratio. Men are not accustomed to cleaning and performing other work in the house. We all are aware of that.
But doing things together with the wife is what matters for most women. They won’t care if it’s just 20:80 or 40:60. As long as you extend yourself to help her, she will feel more satisfied and happier in her marriage. Well, at any rate, doing things together with the husband is better in a wife’s point of view than doing things alone.
6.My wife hates me when I don’t allow her to have a night out with her friends.
In a research article that’s focused on marriage and friendships, it was found that husbands who disapproved of their wives’ friends during the first years of their marriages were likely to end up divorced. So if you do not want to see yourself getting divorced in the next few years, never be a hindrance to your wife’s social life. It didn’t take long before I realized that.
When my wife asks for a night out with friends, I had always thought it wasn’t okay. I mean, we’re already married and fun nights with friends should be over now.
But I was wrong. My wife needs her friends and time out of home so she can take care of her social health too. She needs to unwind and take a break sometimes so she can reset for a fresh new week.
Now that we have grown together in marriage, I realized that our social lives are also key to our happiness. Friends are important too.
Husbands and wives who are wallowing in hate, frustrations and resentments over the other without actually trying to argue productively about them are those who might end up in misery. Marital problems arise when dissatisfaction, discontentment and annoyance in marriage go unnoticed.
Keep in mind that all married couples fight, once, twice or thrice in a week or a month. But no matter how many times they fight, it’s how they fight and end their fights that should tell whether or not the arguments are healthy for their marriage.
So, the next time you and your wife argue, reject the thought that it’s the end for the both of you or that she actually hates you. Instead, find out what’s causing her pain and sadness. Do your best to turn things around and break the cycle of hate in your marriage.