When you always imagined yourself being with your husband for the rest of your life, it is very difficult to accept the truth once he leaves you. The marriage is now over. And you may think that your life is over as well.
But there is still light at the end of the tunnel. You can still live a great life after your husband quits your marriage.
My Husband Left Me:How to Let Go
Accept the reality.
When my husband left me, I was in shock for almost a week. I did not know what to think. Is this really happening to me? Did my husband actually leave me? What should I do now? Where should I go?
It took me a long period of time to accept the fact that my husband had left me. He is not a part of my life anymore. The sooner you realize that you don’t have a husband anymore, the better you can move on to the next phase of your life.
Express your anger.
At first, I was just keeping everything in. I suppressed all of my emotions inside. My friends and family were quite surprised that I did not react the way I should when my husband left me.
I bottled up all my anger in my heart because I did not want anyone to see that my life was crumbling right before my eyes. I was emotionless for some time.
But when I did this, I knew in my mind that I was becoming more and more stressed. And then it dawned on me. I should express my anger.
I looked for people that I could share my emotions with, people that I could entrust this part of my life without any kind of judgment. Some of them were my parents, my siblings, and my friends.
By expressing the anger I had at my current situation, they could give me the comfort that I needed during these times. Just by being beside me and lending their shoulders for me to cry on, they helped me pour out my anger and release the pain I had inside.
Don’t beg him to come back.
It was his decision to leave me. And no words or actions can persuade him to come back. Even if you still love your husband, do not beg for him to come back.
Why? Because he has already convinced himself that the best decision for himself right now is leaving. You cannot stop him from packing his bags and taking off.
It is even more difficult to prevent yourself from begging. You have become so desperate to restore your marriage that you are willing to stoop very low just to bring your husband back to your house.
How can you stop yourself from doing it? Just think of the main reason why he left you. This trick is especially useful if your husband left you for somebody else. According to Laura Giles, a counselor, affairs usually last up until the needs are being met. But if it gets too hard or too demanding, the affair dies naturally and ends abruptly.
Don’t be ashamed of your predicament.
When your husband leaves you, I think the natural emotion that every woman goes through is feeling sorry for herself and regretful for failing to do things as a wife. It is normal to always look at what you lacked in the relationship and what may have caused your husband to leave you.
But the truth of the matter is that your husband left the marriage, not you. You opted to stay in your relationship and try to fix it. But he wanted to take the easy way out and leave you instead.
Because you stayed in the marriage, I know that you are stronger than you think you are. And you should keep your head up. You have nothing to be ashamed of. This is a fact of your life right now. You should just accept it and deal with it in the best possible way.
Seek a better life than what you have right now.
It may seem at first that you have hit a wall because your husband left you. But instead of seeing this event as the end of the road, you should look at your circumstance as an opportunity to gain a better life.
You may or may not know the real reason why your husband took off. You cannot control his emotions. And you surely cannot restrict the next actions that he will take. But you can embark on a new direction in your life.
Decide right now that you want to treat this as an opportunity to grow and be better as a person. Take on a new habit. Develop a new skill. Find a new instrument to play. Make your body healthy again. By refocusing your attention, you can exert your effort on what matters and not think about your husband.
You can surround yourself with a lot of your trusted people. And you can keep yourself busy so that you do not think of what your husband did. But the at the end of the day, you will need to assure yourself that you are going to be okay despite what happened to you.
You should make a promise to yourself to be strong throughout these very tough times. Go back to your core values and ensure that you stay emotionally and physically healthy.
One way to do this is by getting a journal. Your feelings can be greatly expressed through writing. This is also a nice therapy that you can look back once you are 100 percent okay.
Get a divorce.
The ultimate way to completely let go when your husband leaves you is through a divorce. Officially, you will no longer be married. You can freely get to know new people and nurture blossoming relationships with them.
Every state has different laws governing divorce in marriage, but generally, you will undergo the same procedures. You will need to prepare all financial documents. You should also be ready to get a good divorce lawyer. You may also consider getting a collaborative divorce or mediation to keep the expenses lower.
If you have kids, don’t forget to prioritize their needs first. School location and scheduling will be very important for them. Monthly support should also be considered.
By getting a divorce, you are putting a legal end to your marriage. You are moving on with your life and getting yourself back together without your husband.
Once you are finished with the divorce and all the things that you need to do to completely separate yourself from your husband, and once you have reconciled yourself with what happened to you, the next best step is to reflect on yourself during the whole marriage.
You are now at peace with your current situation as a single person. You are not relying on your husband to feed you and fill your emotional needs. You have found contentment and satisfaction with your new life. You are also rational with your thinking at this moment.
Every fallout in marriage, no matter how obvious the reason, should still be reflected upon. Even if it is your husband who left you, you may still be at fault in some parts of the marriage. There might be things that you said or did to cause disconnection in the marriage.
By understanding your own errors in your marriage, you can improve yourself and be more emotionally and mentally ready for your next relationships. I think it will also help you to grow and be more mature as a person.
Be open to new love.
You should not restrict yourself from experiencing love. You, of all people, deserve to be happy. Even if you have kids right now, you also have a need to be loved by another person.
This is not to say that you should immediately seek new love. But you should be more open to dating and meeting new people. By opening yourself up to connections and friendships, you will also get to know more people and develop possible relationships.
Even if your marriage did not turn out to be what you dreamed of, you are still a whole person with the rest of your life ahead of you. Your next season may be without a partner, but you will find a lot of reasons to live.
Fix your eyes on what you have and realize that you still have more than enough to be joyful and happy about. The end of your marriage marks the beginning of the next part of your life.