When my marriage was still young, I found myself in a zone where everything I did irritated my spouse. I felt like my husband hated me, and it was the worst feeling ever. I knew then that I had to do something to win him back.
Before getting married, I had a long list of what I wanted for my marriage. But only two words sum up everything in my notes: love and happiness.
Can you blame me? A girl can dream.
Though Momma never failed at reminding me that marriage is not all about fancy dates, sweet nothings, romance, and intimacy, I still chose to believe that mine would take a unique path.
Well, you may call me stupid for thinking that my relationship could be different from the usual trend of “losing the spark” after marriage. But I was young at that time, and all I wanted was to spend the rest of my life with my man, happy and in love.
However, it didn’t take long before I realized that I was wrong.
I got pregnant.
In just a snap, everything changed in me. I became impatient, grumpy, and spoiled. My hormones made me crazy. I knew that I was being unfair to my husband, but I just can’t help it. I blame pregnancy hormones for that.
Our problems continuously piled up after having our first child. Then, the day came when it seemed like he no longer wanted to be anywhere near me. He started ignoring me when he came home and he didn’t even want to talk to me.
My husband hated me.
It was sad and depressing—but I only had one thing in mind when that reality struck my head.
I had to fix our marriage. I had to feel his love again. So I designed 5 basic steps to help win him back, and I am so fortunate that they worked!
My Husband Hates Me: 5 Basic Tips That Helped Me Win Him Back
1.Give him gifts.
In our society, it is not common for women to shower men with gifts. But I thought, why is that? Why is gift giving stereotyped? I’m pretty sure all of us love to receive presents.
Having said that, I made a list of things that my husband had wanted for a few months. Life with a kid tends to become very busy, and both of us were too occupied to even think of ourselves. So, why not remind him that there’s someone here willing to take care of his wants and needs when he cannot do it for himself?
I sent him gifts on random days. Who said special occasions are necessary for gift-giving? We can give gifts to our loved ones anytime we like.
In fact, gift-giving fosters a significant connection between couples and families. It can strengthen bonds and is believed to be a way of showing interest to a person. On that account, I gladly spent my savings to buy my husband gifts to show him how I love him.
2.Cook for him.
Gifts may be overrated if you’ve spent years buying each other presents. So aside from getting material things for your husband, why not cook for him?
The next step on my road of winning my husband back was to channel the inner Martha Stewart in me. They say the way to man’s heart is through his stomach. I couldn’t agree more.
If I am being honest, I am not really a woman of the kitchen. It’s my husband who loves cooking.
But of course, after becoming a wife and a mom, I had to learn how to cook, and luckily, I found help from cookbooks and YouTube videos.
I whipped up my husband’s favorite dishes every night and I saw how satisfied he was every meal time. On days when he wasn’t grumpy, I asked him to join me in the kitchen to prepare our meals.
It was a really good idea to cook with him. It became quality time for us to talk about our days and everything under the sun. I can say it’s true that couples who cook together are more satisfied and happier in their married life.
When it occurred to me that my husband hated me, I sat on the couch and tried to remember how our days had gone in the past few months. I realized I had my fair share of mishaps in our relationship.
After pregnancy, I fell in love with our child. I devoted my time and attention to being a mom. I almost forgot that I had a husband who needed me, too.
And that man? He was just there, always waiting for me to spend time with him. But I failed him.
Even worse, I was too self-centered, asking him to do things for me and the baby without considering how he felt
Realizing all these, I decided to date him.
I asked him to go out with me like we did before marriage and the baby. And it did create a big change in our bond. We felt more connected.
Date nights are said to be beneficial for married couples. According to the Millennium Cohort Study, couples who go on dates are likely to stay together. Well, my marriage is a proof of this.
In happy couples, it doesn’t matter who initiates sex. I think what matters is whether or not your needs are fulfilled.
I am aware that my husband and I lost our connection because of our lack of time together. Therefore, I thought that the bed we shared would be a good avenue to rekindle the fire in our marriage.
I initiated sex more often and I see nothing wrong with it.
As a matter of fact, psychology professor and author of “Crazy Good Sex” said that “failing to initiate sex is one of the biggest mistakes women make.” I totally agree.
Who said it’s a man’s job to initiate sex? It’s nobody’s duty. Just ask for it when you want to. After all, most men also want to be pursued by their lovers.
5.Cuddle after sex.
Cuddling after sex is an important part of our sex life. A Toronto study found that couples who make time to cuddle post-coitus find more satisfaction after the deed.
I may have heard it before, but paid little attention to it. Well, based on personal experience, I honestly believe this and I should have taken note of it the first time I learned of it.
As a working mom, I am engrossed in my tasks as a mother and an employee. I admit that I make so little time for my husband and our marriage.
It’s a huge mistake, really. I know now that the spouse comes first before everything else.
Anyway, because I became too involved with my duties, my energy had always been absorbed, leaving not much oomph for sex.
Don’t get me wrong, though. We still had sexy nights, but I really neglected cuddle time after sex. You know, sex and sleep. It became a routine.
But don’t make it a habit. Cuddling after sex is a great time to connect with your husband. It prolongs the intimacy between the both of you. You should not trade it for anything, even sleep.
If you feel that your spouse is detaching from your world, it won’t really require you too much effort to ask him to return to your sphere. Sometimes, all you need is more quality time together or maybe an intimate talk to work things out.
So don’t wait for days, weeks, or months to fix it. I tell you, it can be dangerous to let it go on unchecked.
You can choose to complain, tell your friends “my husband hates me,” and cry over it every night—but you know there is a much better way of dealing with it.
Win him back. Do what you must and give it your best shot.