If you and your spouse are fighting over and over about the same things, then clearly your marriage has gone terribly wrong. But what makes it worse is that you cannot recognize that there is something in your relationship that needs fixing or that you have a problem.
There are some common marriage problems we can name. Sex drive mismatch, financial issues, influence of technology, terrible habits and lack of communication. If you experience any of these, then perhaps it’s time you face your difficulties.
For married couples who are currently facing marital struggles, it is important that you choose to love no matter your condition. You may think that your relationship is in pretty bad shape, but it’s just a phase and it shall pass.
Sex Drive Incompatibility
Your libido plays a significant function in your marriage. Any changes in your libido can impact your relationship in ways you may not realize.
Libido, also called sex drive, is defined as a person’s desire for sexual activity. Each individual has different levels of sex drive, which are influenced by biological, psychological and social factors such as medical conditions, hormonal changes, work stress, anxiety, and depression.
Because libido is affected by biological, psychological, and social changes, it is expected that married couples may experience differences in libido levels, which can of course affect their sex life. In fact, marriage counselor Rachel Sussman of New York has observed that sex drive mismatch is one of the most common marriage problems among her clients.
Sussman states that in most couples experiencing sex life issues, one displays a higher sex drive while the other suffers a lower level of libido, which obviously wouldn’t work if the goal is to have a healthy sex life. But no matter how unfavorable the circumstance is, spouses facing this unfortunate quandary must find a means to meet each other’s needs halfway. That is if they do want their marriage to work.
However, the task at hand is not easy. Imagine yourself in a situation where you have been wanting to have sex with your spouse but what you get is a never-ending refusal. You may be able to endure the first few rejections, but if repeated every week, it will soon become unbearable. Just the thought of it seems pretty challenging, right?
Well, sex is a primary ingredient to a healthy marriage. Without a satisfying sex life, it is difficult to find happiness and contentment in a relationship. Which is why concerns regarding libido incompatibility could unquestionably shape a marital crisis that might lead to divorce.
So what is it that couples must do? The good news is, there are natural and medical interventions that can correct libido levels. A trip to a marriage therapist and general physician can better assess whether your sexual drive problem is a consequence of biological, psychological or social issues so that you can get treatment as needed.
There’s a reason why many couples do not bring financial matters to the table. Money talks usually end in arguments. And nobody likes that.
However, just because they choose not to talk about it doesn’t mean the problem does not exist. As a matter of fact, rejecting the idea of financial differences that require a solution only aggravates the situation.
Perhaps marriage therapists would agree that financial issues are a common denominator amongst couples seeking divorce. Apparently, in every pair of married people experiencing money problems, one’s a spender while the other is penny-wise. Their differences in spending habits and finance management put them in a grating financial disagreement.
But the problem does not rest only on their differences. As it turns out, arguments usually arise from blaming and accusing the other of being at fault.
According to Sussman, the frugal partner is normally accused of being cheap while he/she fights back by accusing the spendthrift of being irresponsible. But the cycle of criticizing each other’s spending attitudes does no good and only makes the situation worse.
That’s why money fights have become the second leading cause of divorce. This kind of conflict is a mess, and a lot of married couples commonly seek marriage counseling to get through it.
Rarely do we spend a day without getting our hands on cell phones in an age when we can have the entire internet at the tips of our fingers. There is no doubt that the use of technology has become more prevalent in our daily waking lives.
How can we resist? Technology has undisputedly transformed our everyday functions. Working, communication, and even shopping can now be arranged online. Everything is made so easy.
On the flip-side, the influence of technology has a staggering potential for creating complicated predicaments within personal relationships. Advancements in technology have unintentionally positioned face-to-face interactions in the backseat.
Personal communication has been converted to a digital contact. Intimate candlelit dinner dates have become public social media updates.
The supposedly unbusy weekend afternoon has turned into a mobile gaming sesh with friends. Private vacation time has been remodeled to an obligatory vlog or blog posts.
There’s a lot that technology has influenced us to do, and your marriage is not spared from the consequences. Using smartphones at home, for example, seems harmless, but when done constantly, it puts marriages at risk for serious conflicts.
According to Psychotherapist Amy Morin, one of the biggest problems common in married couples is technology and how the spouses allow it to interfere with their marriage. Husbands and wives can’t take their hands off their mobile devices even in the presence of each other. Worse is that they do not recognize how their smartphones keep them occupied and distracted from enjoying each other’s company.
This kind of behavior doesn’t constitute the quality time that’s vital to keep emotional intimacy in marriage intact. Being physically available but mentally and emotionally taken is far from the ideal quality time that couples must share to strengthen their marriage.
Bad habits die hard. They’re too easy to create yet too difficult to eliminate. The irony is strong with this one.
Psychologist and sex therapist Stephanie Buehler of Southern California stressed that clinging to bad habits is one of the challenges that every couple inevitably faces. If you are struggling with rewiring your spouse’s bad habit loop, you can absolutely relate! Who likes bad habits, anyway?
In married couples, we can see plenty of bad habits that each partner has to bear every single day. Sometimes, those habits will really drive you nuts! So it must be difficult to experience these in your marriage.
But don’t despair. Bad habits won’t kill your marriage.
Unless, of course, we are talking about alcohol and drug abuse. The latter is a more serious form of a bad habit. Therefore, it can certainly cause profound marriage turmoil if left untreated. And it is at this point when one of the spouses may consider divorce.
So what do you do to prevent your marriage from breaking due to a bad habit?
Well, it’s best to terminate a bad habit during its baby stage. If you can talk to your partner about how his/her bad habit makes you feel, then maybe you can come up with a compromise. However, if the bad habit is a habit that your spouse was practicing before your marriage, then you might want to consider counseling.
Psychotherapist Lara Young believes that the number one problem of married couples is communication. We couldn’t agree more.
Communication is fundamental in a satisfying marriage. Nothing gets ironed out without proper communication of thoughts and feelings.
The challenge lies, however, in how married couples do it.
How do you talk to your spouse when things get heated from a misunderstanding? Do you resort to nagging and debating?
How do you open up to your partner about things you’re not proud of? Do you just keep them to yourself until they erupt into a bigger issue someday?
All marriages go through rough patches at some point in time. It is during this difficult moment when arguments and lack of communication take front and center as communication rests around the corner.
A satisfying marriage thrives in an open exchange of thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs, and desires. But when faced with a tough puzzle, we frequently see couples change the way they communicate. Instead of talking, they end up arguing, or worse, they don’t talk at all.
We all know that this practice only leads couples to a more complicated position. That’s why communication is one of the most common marriage problems of today. Unless married couples start to communicate effectively, everything stays the same and nothing can ever be resolved.
Surround yourself with positive thoughts. And if you think your problems warrant marriage counseling, then do not be afraid to seek help.
Put your relationship ahead of everything. Make time to reconcile, compromise and fix your differences. You only get one marriage to build, protect and nourish. Give it your best shot.