Marriage is all about staying strong in the relationship. Sometimes, the trials and the troubles get too tough, which make one or both spouses want to get out of their marriage. Why does this happen?
According to social psychologist Eli Finkel, the kind of marriage that exists today requires not only love,but also a sense of personal fulfillment. The relationship between a man and woman nowadays is not only an outward expression of love but includes an inward feeling as well. The moment personal fulfillment is lacking in the relationship, things start to fall apart in marriage.
If you start seeing these things in your marriage, you better wake up and fix it as early as possible. You should not just be a spectator of these events and let the opportunity to mend the relationship pass you by. Here are signs that marriage is falling apart… and how to fix It.
When Simple Disagreements Lead to a Shouting Contest
Disagreements are a part of marriage. If you say that you agree on everything, you are not in a true marriage. Marriage is the union of two persons, each with his own characteristics, preferences, likes, and dislikes. You cannot expect two people to agree on everything. But you must have the patience to talk about it.
A tell-tale sign that your marriage is falling apart is when simple disagreements turn into arguments. For example, if your husband does not listen to you when you ask him to repair the leaking faucet or fix the garage door, you (as the wife) may go into a ranting mode and perhaps throw things at him.
Yes, there exists a problem here. The husband does not do his part in the house. If you cannot communicate on these simple disagreements, and all of these situations always lead to one or both of you walking out of the room, this is a sign that you need to start working double-time on repairing your marriage.
Calm yourself down. You cannot control your husband or wife, but you can control yourself. If you really want to fix your marriage, it is time for you to be mature in the relationship. Do not shout. Do not leave.
In one interview with Kristen Bell, a popular Hollywood celebrity, she said that early on in their relationship, when she had fights with his husband Dax Shepard, she would always slam the door behind her and leave the house with her car.
Then, her husband talked to her. He said that he loved her so much, but she had to stop leaving the house. He added that he had respect for himself and he didn’t want to experience this all of his life.
You should have respect for your spouse. I know that you are angry. I know that sometimes, he or she is the one who has done something wrong. But I also know that deep inside your heart and mind, you still love him or her. Even in your fights, you still should constantly remind yourself that you should respect him or her as a person, as your spouse and as the one you love.
His or Her Presence Irritates You
Before marriage, you want to be with each other all the time. You call each other at different times of the day. You dine out and all your free time is dedicated to him or her.
How do you see your spouse today? Is he or she the same guy or girl that you love to spend time with every day? Or do you see them as a constant irritation in your life? Maybe their mere presence in the room annoys you, and you get relieved every time they go out of the house. If this is you, then consider this a warning. Your marriage is starting to fall apart.
At first, you may not know why your spouse’s presence irritates you. But there has to be something that he or she is doing for you to be annoyed. You should sit down, calm yourself, and be logical about it. Get a pen and write all the things your spouse does that infuriate you.
Sometimes, it is just the accumulation of petty things that makes you angry. You can talk to him or her about it. But don’t approach him or her with the intention of changing the person. It is more about opening up about your feelings and trying to work things out with your spouse.
You can’t and Don’t Understand Each Other’s Viewpoint
You just can’t handle each other during a discussion. Every time your husband or wife speaks, you interrupt or just disregard what he or she said because you conclude that everything that will come out of their mouth is incorrect. Their opinions don’t matter anymore, which is a tell-tale sign that your marriage is not what it used to be.
Why do you feel this way? There is always a root cause for every situation. If your relationship arrived at this point, then you should remember the origin of these effects. Was it because of something they said before? Are your own opinions not important to them? Are you just retaliating because of your past experiences with your spouse?
You don’t Feel the Need to Make an Effort
Whether it is a special occasion or a normal day in your life, you don’t make an effort to show how much you love your spouse. You just don’t feel that your effort matters anymore. You go on with your life, assuming that he or she will not appreciate it anyway.
If, for example, your marriage anniversary is coming up, what do you do to prepare for it? Do you book a hotel or a getaway vacation in the weekend? Or do you just let it pass like it’s another ordinary day?
The problem here lies in the reaction of the spouse. If the husband or the wife does not get upset about forgetting an anniversary, then it is time to get alarmed that your marriage will eventually lead to separation if not mended.
This sign is caused by two things: anger and longevity. When you are angry with your spouse, you don’t want to do anything with them. Even special events do not matter. All you want to do is make him or her suffer. But this is wrong. Instead of using special occasions to get back at your spouse, you should take advantage of these days and show them how you truly love them. Don’t focus on the anger, but instead concentrate on your husband or wife.
Weeks or Months may Pass without Any Kind of Romance
Do you know that you can kiss your husband or wife on the lips or the cheek and still not show any kind of romance or intimacy? Maybe you are doing this as a sort of norm or you just got used to kissing him or her before going to work and after arriving home. But true romance involves love, care, and intimacy.
If you can go on for weeks and months without getting intimate with your spouse, your marriage is slowly spiraling down the divorce hole.
Being romantic is not like in the movies where it “just happens.” You have to make an effort to keep your relationship romantic. Financial problems may cause you to stop going on dates or having vacations, but that shouldn’t stop you from being romantic. A simple stroll in the park, watching a movie at home, or even conversations below the moonlight can spark emotions and infuse the romance back into your lives.
The other cause is longevity. When you have been married to your spouse for a long time, security sets in. You feel that you don’t have to do those extra things because you are already assured that you are loved by your spouse. But the thing is, you do the romantic stuff because you want to make your husband or wife happy. You want to make him or happy all the time, right?
You Talk to Your Friends about the ‘Used to’ Moments
When you find yourself talking about the good memories that you have with your husband or wife, and noticing that you don’t have those kinds of moments anymore, this can be a sign that there is a problem in your marriage. You “used to” love walking in the park together. You “used to” enjoy each other’s company. You “used to” talk for endless hours with your spouse.
Create new fun memories with your spouse. Instead of dreaming of your exciting moments in the past, use this as motivation to produce more enjoyable memories in the future. Level up your relationship and spend more time with your husband or wife.
Communication and action are two keys to fixing your marriage. You should first accept the fact that there is something wrong in the marriage. Then, focus on repairing the problem. The answer lies in how much effort you bring to mend your broken relationship.
Talk to each other, find solutions, and work together to fix the issues. And always remind yourselves that you love each other and won’t let any problems affect your relationship with your spouse.
Mike Zhang. Founder of FamilyLifeShare