When married couples are going through a rough patch, it is easy for them to get trapped in the delusional thinking that their marriage is just a few steps away from the finish line. Can we blame them?
Being in constant arguments with the one person you love and trust is a depressing thought. You find no peace, no comfort, and no romance in a place where you once shared only happiness, laughter, and love. It’s painful, distressing, and heartbreaking to face this burden every single day.
And because the situation puts married couples in dire straits, the thought of divorce can easily march through their door. However, this is not the only path to take.
We believe that marital struggles shouldn’t lead to a messy divorce if both spouses are determined to mend their relationship. For this reason, we strongly recommend that couples seek marriage counseling before deciding to end the marriage.
Also, it will be beneficial to keep a healthy and honest communication between spouses to prevent marital problems from piling up. This shall help the husband and the wife to develop a deeper bond and connection for a stronger and lasting marriage.
So, if you and your spouse are currently struggling in your marriage, you might want to consider talking about your problems over a cup of coffee.
Here Are 100 Marriage Counseling Questions You Can Ask Your Spouse.
Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Spouse About Love and Romance
Couples who are willing to keep their marriage healthy can ask the following questions just to make sure that they are both on the same page. Sometimes, relationship issues arise when the husband and wife forget to update themselves about the changes that are happening in each other’s lives.
As we all know, changes are inevitable and never-ending. It wouldn’t be surprising if your spouse changes their perspective about sex and romance in just a snap.
- Because of our busy work schedule, I know we don’t get to spend as much time together as we did before. If physical attraction is eliminated in our marriage, do you think you will still have love left for me?
- I know we’ve been married for years now, but I’ll be honest. I still am not sure of the best way for me to show that I love you. Can you tell me what is it that you love for me to do to show how much I feel for you?
- Is there something that I am doing that makes you feel that I do not care for or love you?
- If I put on weight, do you think it will affect our sexual relationship?
- What would be one thing you would change about our relationship?
- What do I do that turns you off sexually?
- Is connecting emotionally before we have sex important to you? If yes, how would you like to connect? What can I do to help with that?
- What if I feel unhappy in our marriage; would you do something to prevent me from falling out of love?
- Do you believe our love can pull us through anything?
- What ways do you show me that you are initiating sex? Give me details.
- What do you think is the best way to keep the love alive in our marriage?
- How do you want me to tell you if I am not comfortable with the things you do to me in bed?
- Would it be okay with you if I refuse sex some nights?
- How can each of us continue to nurture our individual relationships with our sexuality?
- Are there outside factors that are negatively impacting our sex life (job stress, children, extended family demands)? If yes, are there ways for us to better manage those outside factors?
- What would you enjoy doing during foreplay?
- How often do you want to have sex? What if I like it less? Would it change your feelings for me?
- Are you satisfied with our sexual intimacy?
- Where would you rank the quality of our sex life to be on the scale between 1-10? And what’s one thing we could do that would increase your score one point?
- Do you think our sex life is struggling?
- What are your expectations after sex?
- How do you overcome expectations you have from your past sexual experiences?
- How would I know if you are not having your sexual needs met?
- What do you think we should both do to ensure that we are having enough sex given our hectic schedule at work?
- How can I better show you love during our lovemaking?
- Are there things we haven’t done that you’d like to try?
Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Spouse About Family
Love takes its roots and grows from family. Whether you grew up in a nice and warm family or not, it sure will teach you many things about love. And these experiences usually become your foundations in life.
Having said that, it is important for married couples to know each other’s experiences within their families. They must also learn about their spouse’s views and ideas about family life to better understand the other. Here are some useful questions to ask.
- What childhood experiences have influenced your behavior and attitude the most?
- One day, if my parents become ill, I would like to take them in if possible. Will that be an issue between us?
- Do you mind when my family visits us without notice on a weekend?
- Do you have a family history of diseases or genetic abnormalities that I should know about?
- What would you do if one of your family members said he/she dislikes me?
- What does my family do that annoys you?
- How did your family resolve conflicts when you were growing up?
- Would you follow the advice of your family before me?
- What influence, if any, do you believe my family should have on our marriage?
- If there is a disagreement between me and your family, whose side will you choose?
Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Spouse About Trust and Past Relationships
Whatever is in the past should remain in the past. But like it or not, past relationships and experiences do affect the present.
It’s better if you and your spouse have a clean slate about anything in the past that might pose a threat to your marriage. Additionally, trust issues sometimes arise from bad relationships. It is essential that you open up about them to prevent problems at the present.
Check out the following questions about trust and past relationships that you can ask your spouse.
- Have there been times when you were uncomfortable with the way I behaved with the opposite sex? If so, when and what did I do?
- Could any feelings of affection and romance be revived if you met a previous boyfriend/girlfriend even though you feel strongly committed to me?
- Are you comfortable with me being friends with the opposite sex?
- If one day one of us cheats, do you think it would be possible for us to rebuild our marriage?
- Is there anything or any person in your past relationships that I should be aware of?
- How can I re-establish your trust in case I lose it?
- Do you believe our marriage is good enough for you not to have an affair?
- What did you dislike the most about your previous partners that you seem to observe in me?
- Will it affect our marriage if there are things in my past that I am not willing to share with you?
- Have you ever been violent in your past relationships?
- Do you easily get jealous?
- Is there anything you don’t trust about me?
- How would you feel about me going on a trip with the girls or boys for a couple of weeks?
- What do I do now or what could I do in the future that would make you distrust me?
- Would you hate me if I got jealous?
- Do you trust me without reservations?
- What is your opinion about opening each other’s mail and text messages?
Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Spouse About Work and Possible Conflicts
Marriage is not always flawless. Couples are likely to argue due to beliefs about work and other petty stuff. If you have trouble voicing your concerns, see the questions below that may help.
- How would it affect you if I travel on my own frequently?
- What do you think is the best way for us to handle our disagreements?
- Who should make the biggest decisions in our household?
- Would you rather discuss our marital issues as they arise or wait until you have fixed your personal problems?
- If you become unhappy with me in the future, do you believe that you should stick with me or our marriage?
- Do you prefer a set daily work schedule or flexible work activities and timetables?
- If things get rough between us, would you ever consider divorce?
- Would you be willing to go to marriage counseling if we were having marital problems?
- Do you believe that our family is more important than your work? If not, why?
- How important is spending time with friends to you?
- Would you mind moving if I had to relocate with my job?
- How important is spending time alone to you?
- What would we do if we both had a break from work, but each of us had different ideas on how to spend it? Would you be mad if I choose not to spend my free time with you?
- What if your career aspirations require you to move away from me; would you choose to leave me?
Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Spouse About Money
Money matters are one of the leading causes of divorce. But should you let your hard work turn into waste just because you and your spouse can’t agree about finances?
If your financial conditions and spending habits are putting a toll in your marriage, talk about it. Check out the questions below that may help you start a conversation.
- If I wanted you to transfer all your earnings to my bank account, would you be uncomfortable doing so?
- How are our spending habits different?
- Do you feel stressed when facing financial problems? How do you deal with that stress?
- What are your views on saving money?
- Do you feel okay with our parents knowing our financial condition, whether good or bad? How far should this go?
- How do you feel about helping me pay my debts?
- Who should take care of the financial matters of the household?
- What is your opinion about my hobbies? Do you think I am spending too much on them?
- Would you share all your money with me or would you rather split it into different bank accounts?
- Do you have issues with how often I use my credit cards?
- What are your financial goals? Do you think we have different goals?
- What do you think is the best way we can merge our finances?
- Do you have debts I should know about? How are you planning to pay them or are you doing something about it?
- I am willing to spend as much as I can for our parents when the need arise. Do you think that will affect our marriage?
Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Spouse About Children
Just because a man and a woman agreed to marriage doesn’t mean they also agreed to having children. Some married couples of today are apparently having difficulty coming to terms with parenthood.
There are wives or husbands who want to delay having children, while the other is eager to have one. This can be a cause of a huge marital issue that can turn very unpretty.
Our piece of advice is to know each other’s plans about children and compromise. See some questions you can ask your spouse below.
- You know I want to delay having children; is that okay with you?
- How would our marriage be affected if in the future, for medical reasons, we could not have children?
- If we are unable to have children, should we adopt?
- How long would you make me wait before we can have children?
- Do you feel that lack of money is a good reason not to have children?
- Would you be willing to seek medical treatment if we couldn’t have kids naturally?
- When our child is born, will he or she go to daycare or will one of us stay home to take care of the child? Who will it be?
- How comfortable are you around kids?
- Would you be opposed to having our parents watch the babies so we can spend time alone together?
Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Spouse About Their Personal Traits/Character and Habits
It is only after marriage that the husband and the wife completely get to know each other. And sometimes, some habits get so annoying and disturbing for the spouse.
Needless to say, couples must learn to openly communicate these annoyances. Check below some questions about one’s personality and habits that you can ask your spouse.
- What is nagging to you?
- How does it make you feel when I nag sometimes?
- If you always say you are going to do something but never do it, what is the most effective way for me to bring this problem to your attention?
- When you’re mad or just had a bad day, do you need space away from me?
- Do you approve of the way I dress? If no, what do you recommend I change?
- What is the best way for me to communicate difficult feelings about you so that you are not offended?
- Do you feel comfortable with me telling my friends about our arguments?
- Do you feel you could communicate with me under any circumstance and about any subject? If no, why?
- When you are in a bad mood, how should I deal with it?
- What makes you not want to talk to me?
Maintaining open communication in marriage is probably one of the best way to keep divorce out of the cards. A loving relationship can easily end after a few years if couples lack the ability to speak their feelings to each other.
So, if you think you need to communicate some things with your partner, we strongly suggest that you make a list of your marital problems. Then, set up a schedule with your loving spouse, and maybe you can fix some of the stuff or find ways to work them out.