“I have never felt so alone in my life,” said Jeannie, a wife of 10 years. “I have my husband and my kids, but why am I still lonely? Will I ever be happy again?” These are questions that some married women ask themselves.
To tell you frankly, you are not alone in feeling alone. A survey conducted by Cigna among 20,000 Americans revealed that 46 percent of the respondents think that they are alone. Two in five people believe that their relationships are not meaningful.
Fortunately, you can still salvage your marriage despite being lonely. Read on to find the best solutions to your failing relationship and your understandable condition.
Solutions to an Ailing Marriage of a Lonely Wife
Blaming yourself only adds to the stressful feelings that you have right now. Feeling guilty for things that you do not do will make matters worse. You should stop condemning yourself because you will only feel more sorrow and despair.
Blaming your spouse is not healthy either. You will not find the solution to the problems in your marriage if you keep looking at your husband as the sole reason for your failing marriage.
Instead of despising yourself or your husband, focus on the problems themselves. Is it a bad behavior that is causing your relationship to fall apart? Maybe it is your spouse’s habits that are driving you nuts. Perhaps his provisions for the family are not enough. Put all your attention on correcting and solving the circumstance. Stop yourself from playing the blame game.
2.Stop thinking that your marriage will go down the drain.
If you have already decided that what you have is a failed marriage, then you are setting yourself up for a doomed future with your husband. Even if you feel that your situation could not get any worse, you must still put your hopes on having a better situation in your marriage.
It can be quite difficult to be positive during these times, especially when you feel lonely. But you should still have faith in your husband and your relationship. Once you start working on your marriage, you can hope that it will be better eventually.
Your emotions can divert you from your true problems. The natural instinct would be to put all the fault on your spouse and absolve yourself from any wrongdoing. But upon critical observation, most disagreements in marriage are both caused by the husband and the wife.
You should carefully look at your actions and assess the stuff that you do that may hurt your relationship with your husband. Why does he react negatively or become angry at particular situations? Are you causing some of the miscommunications or quarrels that you have?
Focusing on yourself may help you change some of your own bad behaviors, which can, in turn, relieve the ire and displeasure that you have toward your husband.
4.Talk to your husband.
If you are feeling lonely in your marriage, the first person that needs to have this information is your husband. The earlier he knows about it, the better. Since the problem exists in your marriage, you should involve him in solving it.
“My husband does not pay attention to me the way he used to,” says Martha, who has been married for 18 years. If this is your case, then you should change the way you approach your husband. Chances are, you know him better than anyone in the world. And he also understands your actions more than anyone else.
If you tell him that you are lonely and undergoing severe stress in your marriage, he will be alerted to the fact that you have a huge problem on your hands and that he needs to give his full attention to making you happy in your relationship.
Solutions for your loneliness.
You can exert your best efforts to solve your marriage, but the fact of the matter is that you are still currently lonely. You feel sad, alone, and isolated. Despite being surrounded by family and friends, you feel that you are facing an uphill battle on your own. To ease the pain that you have in your heart and possibly replace it with delight, you can use the following strategies.
1.On your need for physical comfort and presence:
The cause of your loneliness may be the lack of the physical presence of your husband. The thing is, most husbands do not recognize this need even if it hits them in the eye!
“I did not know that she needs me to come with her to her company events, because from the start of our marriage, she did not ask me to do so,” said Billy, who has been married for 3 years. Sometimes, the only problem is a proper line of communication.
You should not think that your husband automatically understands your wants. His mind does not function that way. Mark Gungor, a sought-after speaker on marriage, said that men and women differ in their brain functions.
Men have separate boxes for every aspect of their lives. He has a box for you, a box for your kids, a box for work, and a box for your finances. If you do not tap him at the time when he readies his box for you, you will not receive the results that you want.
2.On your need for emotional encouragement:
You have to be careful about sharing your emotional issues with other people, especially those who are not related to you. Women generally depend on their husbands to fill their emotional need love tank. If someone other than your husband is doing this job, you will be in a whole lot of trouble.
Why is this so? Because if someone else is sustaining you emotionally, you may develop feelings for that person. Before you know it, you are already too deep into your relationship with this guy, and it is difficult to get out.
Fight for your right to get the emotional sustenance that you need. Tell your husband that you only want him to fill this void in your life. If he sees how important this is to you, he will try his best to become more open to listening to you and supplying emotional deposits for your tank.
3.On your need for financial support:
We all need money to live comfortably. That is why we work or set up a business. If you depend on your husband to provide for the family, not having enough may cause you to be unhappy in a relationship.
If you are not getting the basic water, food, and shelter you need to survive, you may become lonely and dissatisfied in your marriage. The husband must do his best to provide all of these if he wants to maintain a healthy wife and household.
But if he really cannot deliver in giving all you need, you should not blame him, but instead find other ways to earn money for the family. You cannot just sit down and be disappointed in him. You must be the helper and motivator that he desires.
By assisting him and giving him suggestions on how to solve your financial woes, you can be hopeful for the future and eliminate the loneliness in your life.
4.On your need for guidance:
A wife needs a husband who can lead her and guide her in the marriage. If a woman does not have a direction in her life during marriage, she may feel lost, alone and frustrated.
Your husband may have a timid personality, but as the head of the family, he must take responsibility in leading you as his wife. You should honestly tell him about your worries. But don’t be harsh with your words.
Instead, encourage him and let him lead you. Tell him that you will stand by his decisions and be his number one supporter. It may take time for him to be able to do it consistently. It may also be difficult for you to constantly be there for him. But sooner or later, it can transform your relationship and make you both mature and happy.
Being lonely can be caused by external factors, hormonal imbalance, relationship problems, or stress. You may not be able to change your circumstance readily, but you can change your attitude toward it.
Choose to have joy in your life. Appreciate what you have instead of hating yourself for the things you don’t possess. Do not be distracted by your aspirations, but instead use them to motivate you. You can be happy even if your situation tells you otherwise.