Getting a divorce is one of the most heartbreaking moments in one’s life. People who get married expect their bond to last forever. But the reality is that some relationships remain, while some don’t.
If you feel that you are the only one who experiences this misery, I assure you that you are not. In 2016 alone, the number of divorces and annulments in the US was more than 827,261. This is according to the CDC National Vital Statistics System.
If you want to get your life back, here are some tips on rebuilding life after divorce:
How You Can Rebuild Your Life after Divorce
1.Let all your emotions out.
The first step of moving on is letting all the grief, the distress, and the pain out. You should never hold your emotions in. You are not only giving yourself an aching heart, but also endangering your health. In his article, Robert Taibbi, author of numerous books about family, said that such a feeling is called incomplete grief.
If you are too busy being strong for your kids or for your family, you are not allowing yourself to communicate and show your sorrow about your lost marriage. It is okay to grieve for your relationship. The fact is that you have already invested time, money, and energy to your spouse.
Another truth you cannot deny is that you still love your husband or wife. It is quite difficult to understand what is happening right now because of the mixed feelings that you have for him or her. But since you are getting a divorce, you cannot just settle your emotions down.
You can process them by talking to a trusted family member or friend. Because you are not being judged by him or her, you are able to show your real feelings, your hurts, and your aches to this person. He or she can comfort you, give you sound advice, and just guide you until you get your life back.
2.Write about what you are going through in a diary.
Scientific evidence supports the use of a journal as a way to reduce stress and improve mental health. According to an article written in APA’s Journal of Experimental Psychology, expressive writing relieves and even alleviates the emotional burden that people have.
What if you are not really into writing in the first place?
You can start by writing small paragraphs about what you currently feel. As you get used to connecting with your mind and heart, you can write more about your problems and emotions. Make this a habit so that you have a tool where you can pour out your thoughts and opinions.
3.Ask for professional help.
Another option that you have is to seek professional help. You can go to counselors and therapists to help you adjust to your new life as a single person and understand that you can still be happy despite your present circumstances.
These experts are trained to usher you to a level of contentment and acceptance in your situation. They also have dealt with, more or less, the same issues and concerns that you have.
Being under a lot of stress could simply demotivate you and keep you down. With the assistance of these professionals, you can be guided to the right path of transformation.
4.Do not dwell on the past.
Once you have dispensed all your anger, hate and sadness, you need to decide to stop going back to your memories as a married couple. Your relationship is over and done with. Now it is time to move on.
Stop yourself from reminiscing about the past. You are in a season of healing. Thinking about your marriage will not help you cure the wound and the pain that you experienced. It is time to let go of your spouse. By accepting this fact, you will be able to get yourself back together and start restoring your life.
5.Find your identity.
You have spent most of your married life being the second person in a couple. You are the husband of the wife or the wife of the husband. You are always introduced together. Sometimes, because you are so used to this setup, you forget that you have your own identity.
How can you find your identity? You can do this by reflecting back on what your life was before you got married. You can take a look at your interests and hobbies. You may also start checking out your personality and behavior.
Make a list of the characteristics and attributes that you have apart from being a husband or a wife. By knowing more about your values and your strengths, you can fine-tune your life based on your own identity.
6.Make new friends.
You currently have a lot of married friends who go out and spend time with you, not as individuals, but as couples. Since you are just healing from your broken relationship, you ought to seek new acquaintances and friends.
Talking to people outside your circle of friends gives you a new environment to experience and enjoy. It also provides less space for you to remember your hurts because of the divorce.
Clear your mind and eliminate all the negativity of your life. You do not need stress right now. Have fun meeting new people and laughing with them. You need these kinds of people to surround you right now.
7.Give dating a chance.
You will not be completely healed in an instant. It is a process that may take months or even years. Do not restrict yourself from enjoyment and the feeling of being in love again. Life is too short to prevent yourself from being happy and contented.
You can ask your friends to hook you up with someone. You can also try dating apps and sites to get in touch with more people.
Do not cry or share what you are going through on the first date. Keep things fun and light. Just enjoy each other’s company.
8.Fix yourself up.
To gain more confidence after the divorce, you need to look at and evaluate yourself and see what needs fixing. You can get back in shape by hitting the gym and running. You should choose to eat healthy and fiber-rich foods.
Being healthy can boost your self-image and worth. Your body will feel lighter, your movement will be more fluid, and your heart will feel better if you start fixing yourself up.
9.Take your time.
Do not go searching for your next husband or wife. You can go on dates, but you should take things slow. You are not in a race. You are on a journey. It is important to relish the scenery, be happy with the people you are with, and feel the freedom that you have gained after your marriage has fallen through.
The right time for everything will come. You should not force your way into something that is not designed for you. Stop chasing a supposed reward. The journey is a reward in itself. Breathe in, breathe out. Close your eyes, then slowly open them. You will then realize how fortunate you are to get more time to appreciate your life more.
10.Don’t overspend on things you do not need.
The problem with most people who are undergoing divorce is that they often turn their anger into a spending spree. They will buy the nicest clothes, get the latest electronic devices, and go to great travel destinations just to forget about what happened to them.
This can be dangerous, especially for those who have depended on their spouses for support. You should be vigilant in knowing where your money goes. Manage your finances well so that you can rebuild your life with enough dollars in your pocket.
11.Create new life goals.
You need to set new goals for yourself. Most probably, you have created your dreams, ambitions, and aspirations with your spouse in mind. Now that you are divorced, you should make a new list of objectives.
Deciding on which desires and hopes to pursue can give you a clear direction for the new chapter of your life. Setting life goals can also give you purpose and create a fire and inner motivation to be better, to learn more, and to improve your skills as a person.
If you’ve hit rock bottom because of your divorce, you have no other way to go but up. It may sound a little cliché, but there is some truth to this line. You still have your life ahead of you—new travels to undertake, fresh adventures to go on, places to be in, and a experiences to have and cherish.
You will get through this. You will stand up, reestablish yourself as a whole person, and realize your own individuality. Eventually, as you pick up the pieces of yourself, you will be more and more complete.