How many times have you heard yourself saying that you hate your wife? You may have talked about this with your best friend or a family member. But I would bet that you have never said these actual words to your wife.
But the fact is, you really do hate her. The more you realize your current situation, the more easily you will be able to figure things out for yourself. Hating your wife will only have two results—either holding onto the marriage or letting go of it. You can determine whether your hatred is truly a sign that you have to stay or leave the marriage.
When to Stay in the Marriage
When You Still Love Her
This is the simplest reason why you should stay in the marriage despite hating her so much. Love always bridges the gap between people. If you still have love in your heart for your wife, then you still have a chance to make your marriage work.
These emotional feelings that you have do not disappear instantly. Fortunately for husbands and wives, this is the kind of love that you should hold onto in times when there are arguments or misunderstandings. You are still taking the opportunity to make circumstances work and to fix things up because you do not want to let each other go.
When She Still Listens to You
One of the reasons that can make you hate your wife is if she does not listen to you anymore. Pride often deafens your ears and make you feel superior over another person. Again, it all goes back to the loss of respect for the husband. Wives, no matter how hurt they are, should keep their ears open to hear the husband out.
But forcing her to listen will not do the marriage any good. It should be her own decision to listen to the husband in everything that he says. If you have a wife that gets angry but still hears you out, then you should stay in the marriage.
Sometimes, all it takes is to listen to what each has to say. You might get angry at some petty things and decide that you hate your wife. But if you stop for a while and listen, you might be surprised that the root of the problem is just miscommunication.
No marriage is perfect. But if you start every discussion by listening first to what the spouse has to say, then it will turn out to be a good marriage.
When She Chooses to Argue rather than Just Keep Quiet
Some husbands would rather have wives that do not talk much. They want wives that agree with everything that the husbands say. All is well and good with this setup as long as you are making the right decision every time.
But the truth is that people make mistakes. You will choose things that will have detrimental effects on you or your marriage. If the wife notices poor judgment on your part, it is better for the wife to nag you over it than to let you make a mistake.
Telling a man that he is wrong is such a huge pill to swallow. Most husbands would hate a wife that corrects them and straightens them out.
If you have the right perspective and you know that your wife loves you and only wants the best for you, then you should be glad that she chooses to discuss stuff with you rather than just shutting her mouth even if she knows that the results will be bad.
When She Admits that She Is Wrong
It is one thing to accept defeat in an argument, but it is another to realize that what you did was wrong and truly want to make up for everything that has happened. Some wives can be critical of their husbands in terms of what they can and cannot do. It can be true, but sometimes, wives can also be incorrect.
If the wife recognizes that she is wrong and you have blatantly shown her that she was indeed mistaken, it may take her whole being to admit that she is wrong. If you hate your wife because of some circumstances that either you or she caused, you should also look at her qualities at the end of each argument.
If she admits to the wrongs that she did, you should restore the relationship and stay in the marriage.
When She Still Cares for You Despite Your Incompatibilities
Situations may make you hate your wife. And there will also be events that will make your wife hate you even more. But if she still cares for you despite what is happening to you, you should stay in the marriage.
Caring for someone is not an ordinary thing, even in marriage. You should be grateful when you know that your wife still cares for you. Arguments can last for days. But the care that she has for you will last longer. It can sustain both of you to foster the reconciliation.
When to Leave the Marriage
When You are not Having Sex Anymore
Sex is such an important aspect of marriage, especially for men. Husbands need to have sex in order to have a fulfilled marriage. Not getting sex is like withholding one of the essentials of their very being.
It is not uncommon knowledge that men need sex to survive. Unless he is undergoing some physical condition or illness, husbands have to have sex to keep their sanity in check.
You should not feel condemned or even sickened by what you are feeling. It is but normal to want sex because it is part of marriage. What is wrong is forcing your wife to do so if she does not feel it or if she is physically unable to do so.
You can open this issue with regard to sex with your wife. Give her the opportunity to explain herself for not allowing you to have access to her. If the real reason surfaces and she just does not want to have sex with you anymore, then it is time to leave the marriage.
When You do not Talk Anymore
Not talking is not just an instant decision that you and your wife make. It is the result of a series of events that happened to both of you, which makes you see the husband or the wife as an irrelevant part of your life. You do not recognize him or her as an important person, and you fail to ask what he is up to or to tell him some good news about what happened to you.
Do you still remember the times when you were so excited to call your spouse because of a promotion that you had or a gift that you received? What happened between the two of you? Are you just not interested in each other? Did she just stop respecting you and not bother to inform you of what is happening in her life?
If you do not talk at all and you are hating her for it, then it is probably time to leave the marriage.
When You Are Purposely Avoiding Each Other
Picture this: you are at work and you are going out of your usual way just to avoid an officemate that you really hate. Now, if you are doing the same thing with your spouse, then you are purposely exerting extra effort just to not see her and talk to her.
This may be because of a variety of factors. But the mere fact that you hate each other’s guts so much that you want to take a long way just to avoid saying hello is a tell-tale sign that your only option is to leave the marriage.
When You Are Feeling Choked to Death
Do you know the feeling that every part of your life is being sucked out of you? You can tell that your relationship has become toxic if you are literally going through the motions of your everyday life with the hope that she leaves you or files for divorce.
The feeling of being sucked dry can be caused by a lot of things. It may be because she demands too much from you. She may want you to report every minute and every step that you take to her. It may be because you are not getting the privacy that you want for yourself.
If you are starting to lose your own life because of the marriage, then it is advisable for both of you to leave the marriage.
When You Stopped Arguing with Each Other
The first instance that you opted to not fight at all is actually the last straw. You feel that you there is no reason for both of you to argue. You do not care about your relationship and you care less about your spouse.
Instead of putting up a fight and insisting on getting your point across to your partner, you are actually shutting down the line of communication and not uttering a single word.
This means that you stopped wanting to fix the relationship. it does not matter whether an argument is resolved or not. You only care about yourself and what you feel. Two people in a marriage that do not want to be in it should be better off ending it.
Respect and Hate
A lot of friends that I talk to often say that they hate their wives for different reasons. And although the causes differ, the events are practically the same. Husbands start to hate their wives if the wives start to disrespect their husbands.
What? Respect? You may have thought to yourself that the only thing that matters in the marriage is love. Why should I care about respect in marriage? It is because you do. Husbands do.
A well-known psychologist, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, talks about love and respect in marriage. He said that women demand love while men demand respect. Quite a big statement, right? Women may call this blasphemy, while some men would disagree that they still need to be loved to be able to feel content in their marriages.
Before you getup in arms at what I said, you have to first hear me out. I do agree that men still need love and women still deserve respect. Do not get me wrong. As a husband and a father of two, I firmly believe that I still need to feel loved inside the family so that I can love back. And I also consider respect as one of my top-most priorities in terms of what I do to my wife.
Wives need to be respected and husbands need to be loved. This is a fact and a truth. But the point of what Dr. Eggerichs is saying is that men need respect to be able to love. If they do not feel respected, the love also goes away. Men rely on being valued. They want to be recognized for what they are worth. They want respect.
Respect and Authority
Before we go further, we have to clear some definitions out. You have to put emphasis on the words authority, respect, and equality.
Authority is taking responsibility for a particular task or job. In terms of family, you have to recognize the authority of the husband in the family. He is the head of the home and the leader of the family. But accepting this fact does not degrade the role of the wife. She has a different authority in the family.
Headship will often spark outrage on those who demand equality in marriage. But contrary to what others are thinking, men and women inside the marriage are equal in terms of authority, but different in roles. Husbands have particular responsibilities while wives focus on their own specific responsibilities. For the family to thrive, they must know what their responsibilities and roles are.
With regard to respect, husbands need to be respected to be able to perform at their best. Whether you admit it or not, we do not want anyone to trample on our manhood. It is not because of pride, dignity or the like, but this is just because that is what we are.
Defining Prolonged Anger
You should not use prolonged anger as your reason to get out of marriage. Prolonged anger simply means having so much anger toward your wife that you cannot contain yourself and you just have to leave her.
Anger is normal. It is one of the most common emotions in marriage. If you have never felt anger toward your wife, then you are not loving her enough. Prolonged anger is keeping everything bottled up inside without having any form of relief. Anger should be diffused as early as possible so that you do not feed it with more hate and revulsion.
It is a hard choice to leave the marriage, but it can be an even harder decision to stay in the marriage despite the hate and the anger that you feel toward your wife. But staying in the marriage allows both of you to work things out and figure the right thing to do.
Getting out of marriage should be the last resort for any couple. But if the prevailing reasons for hating your wife are those stated above, it is recommended to just take your wins and conclude that it is best for both of you to leave the marriage.