Have you ever thought to yourself that the biggest mistake you’ve ever made in this lifetime is marrying your husband? Do you have doubts that he is the best man for you?
I hate my husband. I sure do. And sometimes I think to myself that it might have been an error to permanently add him to my life.
There have been nights when I wondered why I agreed to be his wife. But most days, it is myself that I hate.
I hate myself for feeling those emotions towards my husband. I made a vow to love him and hold him through better or worse. And it is my faithful intention to keep that.
It’s true that some of our conversations turn into arguments.It was a bad day for our marriage, but it’s not a bad marriage.
But then again, I cannot discount the fact that my husband drives me nuts sporadically! Every so often, he does things and stuff that really annoy me. Some are petty and some are not.
Does your husband annoy you too? Well, I guess it’s okay to feel this way sometimes, right?
Here Are 8 Reasons Why I Hate My Husband
He Sleeps a Lot.
It may sound petty to you, but I hate my husband because he sleeps a lot!
The last time I heckled, men and women need different amounts of sleep. Surprisingly, it is women who need more sleep than men.
Research shows that ladies require an additional twenty to thirty minutes of sleep. But my husband sleeps for extended hours, and he’s the one getting those additional minutes!
I can’t point fingers as to why my husband sleeps like a baby – more than 10 hours a day – but he just does. He’s a sleeper and he walks into the dream world every time he gets the opportunity to do so.
I hate him for being a sleepyhead because there are times when I want to have some quality moments, yet he chooses to doze off and live his life in dreams. I know how important sleep is for healthy well-being, but too much of everything is bad, right?
He Never Helps Around The House.
My husband doesn’t spare extra time to help me with the household chores. He loves sleeping, so I really can’t bother his trip to dreamland even when I am in dire need of an extra pair of hands around the house. And I can’t help but hate him for leaving me with the chores.
Well, I guess most husbands don’t spend time on housework. A 2013 survey revealed that men only allocate an average of 10 hours a week for doing household chores. Given this trend, I must be thankful if my spouse helps me with chores and the kids for more than two hours a day, right?
He Spends Too Much Time on His Mobile Phone.
I strongly believe that mobile devices have the power to disconnect couples. I experience it firsthand, so I agree that a cell phone is no doubt a distracting piece of gadget.
In fact, I am really beginning to hate my husband for spending too much time on his mobile phone. He likes watching Facebook videos and loves streaming on YouTube.
Sometimes, he falls asleep with the phone on his chest. That’s how close they are, you know.
I know there are a lot of wives who can relate to this sentiment. In a survey conducted on 143 married couples, the majority reported marital conflicts over technology use. The study found that the use of technology lowers life and relationship satisfaction, which is a hundred percent true in my case.
We Fight Over The Same Things Again and Again.
Dr. John Gottman, an American psychological researcher and clinician known for his extensive work on the topics of divorce and marriage, believes that conflicts are inevitable in relationships. As a matter of fact, 69 percent of relationship problems are unsolvable. This means that it is highly likely for marital conflicts to recur unless couples find a permanent fix for them.
I get that married couples normally have fights, but hearing the same arguments over and over is deafening. I do my best to compromise and give him all my understanding, but it is frustrating when we can’t even resolve simple problems like putting the toilet seat down after each use.
Sometimes, I feel like my stress levels are soaring high not because of the kids but because of my husband. He really gets on my nerves! We have two children, but it seems like I have three and it’s exasperating.
It Feels Like He Doesn’t Appreciate Me.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t aim to get credit for everything I do for my family, but a little appreciation would really make me feel good. How I wish my husband understood that.
According to LifeHack.org, relationship problems tend to build up when partners do not feel appreciated. I cannot agree more.
I think that a lack of appreciation in my marriage makes me feel devalued, and that’s the reason why I hate my husband for not showing even a tiny bit of appreciation for me. It’s as if he is taking me for granted.
He doesn’t let me know if he likes what I am doing or if he sees the value of my compromises. It’s not that I need his appreciation for me to continue what I do for the family, but it is nice to hear him appreciate me.
He Stonewalls Me.
Dr. Gottman already made it clear that marital conflicts are inevitable. So I believe that the best we can do is to minimize the recurrence of arguments by resolving them as much as we can.
But my husband and I find it hard to resolve our conflicts because he stonewalls me. He tends to be stubborn and refuses to communicate with me.
Stonewalling, as per Dr. Gottman, is the second predictor of divorce with 90 percent accuracy. Why? It’s simple – nothing gets fixed if a partner avoids communication.
A marriage cannot thrive in a pile of unresolved conflicts, and that is why I hate my husband for stonewalling me. He has made it a habit to refuse conversations with me when we are in the middle of a misunderstanding.
I don’t appreciate it when he stonewalls me, and I have already talked to him about it multiple times. But he explains that he would rather let the conflict cool off than engage in an argument with me. Honestly, his strategy works most of the time, but there are moments when I need to talk to him – not to solve our problem, but to feel comforted and assured that we’re going to be okay.
I Don’t Feel His Presence at Home Like Before.
Because of his sleeping habits, use of technology and stonewalling attitude, I don’t feel my husband’s presence anymore. It’s like he is gone all the time because he spends a lot of hours in a day doing other things that don’t involve me.
Sometimes when he’s home, I don’t feel his presence for the entire day. I see him on the couch, watching Facebook videos on his mobile phone, but I can’t talk to him because he’s busy.
He’s like a ghost lurking in our home. And the worst part is that it affects the intimacy in our marriage. In fact, we don’t have much sex as we did before.
We Don’t Have Sex Anymore.
As I mentioned above, my husband and I don’t have sex as frequently as we did during the earlier years of our marriage. Our bond kind of disconnected and sex no longer feels comfortable for both of us.
But I am well aware that sex is an essential element in a satisfying marriage. I actually think that our lack of enough sex is a contributing factor to my feelings of resentment and the detachment we feel for each other.
Sex, according to science, is responsible for releasing oxytocin. Popularly called the “love hormone,” oxytocin is known to promote a strong emotional bond among couples. It also reduces stress and increases intimacy between partners.
But unfortunately, my husband and I are lacking an abundant supply of that oxytocin as we don’t have sex anymore.
I hate my husband, but only for the annoying things he does. However, I have realized that my resentments towards him are not about him. They’re about me – my expectations and demands.
I have expected my husband to do things for me in the ways I have idealized them. So when he fails to be the ideal guy I imagined him to be, I get upset and I start hating him.
I have learned now that it’s not his fault if he can’t be the man I wished him to be. All this hate I bear in my heart because of the things he cannot do for me is a waste of time and emotions.
My husband may not be the perfect guy I dreamed of, but there is more to him than the 8 things about him that I hate. And that’s where I need to shift my focus.