It can be quite surprising to feel that you want to get out of your marriage. You do not go into a marriage hoping to be divorced in the end. But it is not uncommon for Americans to choose separation over reconciliation. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the percentage of marriages that end in divorce is 37%.
But you do not want to be included in that statistic. You want to survive and thrive despite feeling this way. Take a look at these tips on how to do it:
How to Survive and Thrive When I Start to Feel That I Hate Being Married
1.Know the main reason.
This can be the trickiest part of all—knowing the main reason why you hate being married. You need to establish where you are right now. Do you really hate that you are married or are you just confused? Which part do you dislike? Is it about marriage itself? Do you have some hatred for your spouse? Or do you not like your spouse’s extended family?
Knowing the problem will make your life easier. You can figure things out for yourself and involve people who can help with your issues regarding marriage. You should be very specific with the concern that you have. The more particular you are with the problem, the better you are at solving it.
2.Accept that there is a problem.
After verifying the issue at hand, you have to accept this fact:your marriage is truly not perfect. Fixing your marriage means acknowledging that there is a problem to begin with. Life is not full of roses and butterflies. As a couple, your relationship will undergo bumps and hits. At one point in time, you will say to yourself that you hate being married.
But that does not mean that you should give up so easily. Marriage is being with another person who has a set of characteristics, his or her own decisions, experiences, and responses to situations. You do not need to fix the person,but rather adapt to exist with one another.
3.Take a look at your marriage from a third-person viewpoint.
You may see your marriage as a lost hope. You see all the problems, the hitches, the glitches, and the difficulties. But take a step back for a second and look at your marriage from a viewpoint other than yours and your spouse’s.
What do you see? Do you think that you are overreacting a little bit? Do you really hate that you are married? Or do you just hate the situation that you both are in right now? Sometimes, it helps to look at your relationship from another set of eyes. It makes you more rational, more critical, and more logical in the marriage.
4.Don’t expect your partner to change anytime soon.
Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher, said that the only thing that is constant in life is change. But that does not mean that you should change everything that you hate about your spouse. Forcing what you want on another person is not only illogical, but also rarely sustains itself. Most of the time, your spouse will go back to his or her ways without regard to your emotions or reactions.
What you can do is present your case to your spouse. Communicate your problems with him. You may want him to change about some things that he does. Say to him that change is not always bad as long as it will help your relationship. But let him see the benefits of the change, and let him change himself. Make the transition as smooth and as natural as possible.
5.Look at the best traits of your spouse.
Another way to change your mind about hating your state of marriage is by focusing your eyes and your heart on the best qualities of your spouse. I am quite sure that your partner will not lack good traits no matter how bad the relationship is.
If he is the kind who shows his love through service, then acknowledge it and appreciate it. If he is more into giving you quality time, then take it as a compliment. If your spouse likes showering you with gifts, thank him for all that he does for you.
By overlooking the negative characteristics that your spouse has and turning to his good side, you can stop hating your marriage and be more grateful for him.
6.Keep your integrity in marriage.
No matter how you hate being married, unless you have the divorce papers signed, you are not licensed to hurt your spouse and have affairs. Just because you do not want the state that you are in does not mean that you have all the right to have the pleasures of marriage outside of it.
You should maintain your integrity in your marriage no matter how angry you are. Don’t see extramarital affairs as a way of getting even for the things that your spouse has done to you. You should instead keep yourself motivated by focusing all your attention on fixing the marriage and the relationship that you have with your spouse.
7.You can grieve about it alone.
When you have a problem, you should show your grief in some way. You should not bottle up all your emotions and keep your sadness all inside you. According to one study conducted by the Harvard School of Public Health, restraining yourself from showing any kind of emotion may increase heart disease risks and/or cause different kinds of cancer.
One way of showing your anger or disdain in your marriage is by crying about it. Don’t suppress your sorrow and convince yourself that everything is okay. You can also write about your problems in a diary or a journal. In these ways, you can translate your emotions into words or actions and not just keep your troubles inside you.
8.You can share your story with a trusted person.
You can get insights about your marriage by confiding in a friend or a trusted family member. But do not share your story with everybody that you know. Sometimes, telling everyone about your problem can actually worsen it because some people may tend to give you the wrong advice or choose sides in your marriage.
Pick the closest people that you want to share your problems with. By telling them your concerns, you can pour out your emotions to them. You are not bottling up the feelings that you have. You are sharing what you are going through with someone that you trust.
You can also get sound guidance from these people. They will look at your situation from different perspectives and assess the true problem without bias. In this way, they can truly help you in your marriage.
9.Acknowledge your own mistakes.
Every marriage problem cannot solely be the cause of only one person. It takes two people to take care of a relationship. Even if your spouse is the main reason why you hate your marriage, you still have to take account of your own mistakes, which have led you to hate your situation right now.
How can you do this? You can immediately get an honest answer by asking your spouse. He may be keeping some emotions to himself and not telling you of the problems that you are causing your relationship. This is an important moment of your life. Be truthful and be open to one another without holding any resentments from the things that the other will say to you.
10.Change the bad things that you do.
Once you have gotten honest feedback from your spouse, you can change your bad behaviors and characteristics. Hating that you are married maybe because of who you are and what you stand for in your relationship. Sometimes the cause of failures in marriages is the person complaining about it.
When your spouse criticizes you about some of the things that you do, be open-minded and do not immediately consider it an attack on you as a person. Instead, you can see it as a way of restoring your feelings and loving your status as a married man or woman.
You know what you have to do. You can have a feeling of discontent in the marriage. You may not be satisfied with how your spouse is acting toward you. But every marriage is imperfect. It has its ups and downs.
It is great that you want to stay married despite your change of feelings for your spouse. Keep loving your partner and strive to restore the relationship. And with your effort, your feelings will eventually change, too.