Marriages can undergo different issues and problems. As husband and wife, you have to do everything that you can to fix the relationship and restore the connection between yourselves. But sometimes, circumstances can be so deep that you will just tell yourself that you don’t want to be married anymore.
What are the signs that will make you say, “I don’t want to be married anymore”?
There is no Communication at all.
When you are accustomed to going to work without saying a word, not texting what you have been doing all day, arriving at your home without even greeting your husband or wife, and eventually sleeping on the same bed, then maybe it is time to say to yourself that you don’t want to be married to him or her anymore.
A relationship is built on both words and actions. You cannot express your love for one another without even talking to one another. If you can spend the whole day without even uttering a single word to your spouse, then you don’t want to be married to each other anymore.
You are not Having Sex Anymore.
One of the main reasons that you may opt to say that you don’t want to be married to your spouse anymore is that there is no more sex between the two of you. Of course, this should not be the only reason that’s keeping you in the marriage.
Based on this article from WebMD, female sexual dysfunction is caused either by physical or physiological influences. Physical causes include diseases like diabetes, hormonal imbalances, alcoholism and kidney conditions. Physiological causes may include depression, stress, anxiety, or sexual trauma.
Sexual problems can both occur in both men and women. If the husband and the wife will not talk about it, the relationship will eventually be ruined up to the point of no repair. When you feel that you are not getting enough sex with your spouse, you should talk to him or her about it immediately.
You are Together, but not Feel Together.
Can you still remember the time when you couldn’t enjoy a particular place or event without your spouse watching or experiencing it with you? Do you still feel this way with him or her? Or has it reached a point when you can absolutely have fun on an occasion or celebration and your spouse is not enjoying it with you at all?
If you are physically together, but not emotionally connected, that is a sign that you don’t want to be married to your spouse anymore.
You Want to See a Psychologist or Therapist.
If you feel that you cannot fix your problems on your own and need the help of doctors, then it is a sign that you don’t want to be married anymore.
But the good thing here is that you really do not know and understand the situation yet. You want to ask help from psychologists or marriage therapist to make the situation a little clearer for you. You also want to involve your spouse when getting medical help.
You are More Focused on Solving Other People’s Problems.
Some people involved in marriage are so preoccupied with fixing the issues of other people that they often forget that they also have their own problems to attend to. If you do not care about the person you are with, and you instead want to solve concerns of people around you, then that is a sign that you do not want to be married anymore.
Some experts call this condition the Savior Complex. This is a condition wherein you are always looking out for other people. The problem with this complex is that you often overlook your own welfare to save others. This condition leaks over yourself and your relationship.
Even if You Live Together, It Feels Like You are in a Long-Distance Relationship.
You can easily recognize the gap between you and your spouse. Where there was no distance before, you can now tell that you no longer have the same intimacy and closeness that your relationship had before. It seems that everything that you have been doing only keeps the two of you apart.
You get bored of the same routines and keep feeling that you want to opt out of the relationship. You are not enjoying yourself as much in the time you spend with your spouse.
You Imagine Yourself Being Single Again.
This could be the worst-case scenario for either of you. If you fantasize about not being married to your spouse, then the problem is deeper than you actually think. There is an underlying cause of this situation. If you do not know the root of this imagination of yours, then you may very well pack up your bags because before anything has been talked about, you have already decided to leave your spouse.
You Go from Compassion to Hate.
Before, you feel compassion for the wrong things that your spouse is doing. You tell him or her about the changes that he or she needs to make. You aspire for the time when he or she will be a greater person. But if the compassion turns to hate, it is a sign that you do not want to be married to him or her anymore. Your patience has long been gone, and you no longer dream of the time that your spouse will change for good.
The Fighting Stops.
A naive single person may say that a perfect marriage is one without any fighting going on. But the truth is, the foundation of marriage is built on passionate discussions, fighting and mending relationships. Since a marriage is composed of two people with conflicting ideas and personalities, both of you are bound to have problems one way or another.
The key here is how to fix the issues. If the husband and the wife are both open to repairing the problems, then all is well and good. But the moment that the fighting stops, then it only means that you don’t care about each other anymore.
You Want to be with Other People Intimately.
An affair usually starts when one of your needs is not fulfilled by the one you are married to. It can be a physical need, an emotional need, or a financial need. If you have let your guard down and removed all boundaries that separate you from the opposite sex, then it seems that you do not want to be married anymore.
You don’t Listen Anymore.
This goes both ways. If your spouse is correcting you for something you did, what you do is leave the room and not keep up with him or her. You do not have time to listen to what your spouse is saying. The only opinion that matters in the relationship is yours alone.
You Feel Restricted.
If you feel that you no longer have control over your own life, then it can be a sign that you no longer want to be married to this person. You should complement each other. Maximize your strengths and take care of the weaknesses of the other. You should not be controlling and you must also not be controlled by your spouse.
Your Friends are More Important than Your Spouse.
If you have to choose, you always go to an event where your friends are present as opposed to being with your spouse. You think that you will have more fun with these people than your husband or wife. This reason may or may not be true. But the fact is that you care more about spending time with your friends than your spouse.
No More Dates.
In the first months or years of marriage, you always made time to date your husband or wife. You would even ask for vacation leave just to date your spouse. A sign that you do not want to be married anymore is that you do not do dinner dates or movie nights with your husband or wife. Work is more important. Or your hobby takes up more of your time than dating your spouse.
No one in a relationship would want to say that he or she does not want to be married anymore. But you also don’t want to keep the other person stuck in something that he does not want to be part of. The best thing to do when you are in that level of relationship is to talk to each other about your current situation and see if you can figure things out. Don’t let the marriage slip out of your hands if there are means of fixing it.
But if you have exhausted all possible ways to solve it and nothing seemed to work, maybe it is time to take things as they are and start moving on.
Mike Zhang. Founder of FamilyLifeShare