Divorce hurts children and married couples in many ways, leaving deep bruises and pains that would take long years of healing.
Despite this, divorce reportedly happens every 13 seconds in America. Can you imagine how many men and women are being broken in the process every day?
Divorce is awful. Perhaps even the man of steel would bend when confronted with it. It definitely hurts big-time.
So why do you have to include divorce in your cards when you know that it will pain you and everybody around you?
We believe that marriage is hard work. And you have to understand and accept that fact before diving in.
However, not all couples who agree to marriage actually “get it.” They don’t get the idea that marriage takes a lot of hard work. That is why when things do not go as planned, the thought of divorce comes marching in.
But it shouldn’t be the way to go when you still have time to fix it.
Many experts are willing to share meaningful pieces of advice on how to stop a divorce and save your marriage. If you want to learn more about it, here are some ways to stave off a divorce that might help you.
An Expert’s Guide on How to Stop a Divorce
Talk about finances.
A survey released by SunTrust Bank found that money is the leading cause of stress in relationships. Should we be surprised by this when marriage experts and counselors have also said that financial issue is one of the main reason for conflicts between married couples?
It’s no fun for couples to fight about money, because this kind of brawl reaches no end. Arguments related to financial stresses keep coming back and usually are never resolved.
But Matt Bell, author of the book “Money and Marriage,” said that these conflicts aren’t totally centered on money matters. Instead, they are a “clash of temperaments.” So what does that mean?
Temperament is the consistent differences between people based on their values, old beliefs or culture and their attitude. Married couples who fight about finances, according to Bell, clash because of their disparity in spending habits.
As the author explained, one of the spouses may find it upsetting that his/her spouse is spending too much. It’s not necessarily because they can’t afford it at the time, but because he/she might be afraid that they won’t be able to pay for their future purchases.
Therefore, it is recommended for couples to talk about money matters when things are not going well. Financial stresses can be prevented in marriage when the couple chooses to communicate and understand each other’s spending habits and money mindset.
Marriage counseling works, especially for couples who are determined to make it work. In fact, a study done by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists revealed that over 98 percent of survey respondents found satisfaction after attending several sessions of couple’s therapy.
More interestingly, 97 percent of them reported that they actually received the help they needed during the difficult time. These findings are just even more proof that couples counseling or therapy is proficient help for couples struggling in marriage.
So, if you and your spouse are on the verge of splitting up everything that you’ve worked hard for, you may not want to hold up too long in seeking professional assistance from a licensed marriage counselor. Consider counseling or couples therapy and realize how it can benefit the both of you.
Additionally, if you feel that there’s a bug in your marriage, it is always best to confront it. Do not let simple issues pile up until they are impossible to fix.
Consult a therapist the moment you feel that a problem is causing a rift between you and your spouse. But never go straight to a lawyer and discuss divorce terms right away.
Divorce can be messy and expensive. Have you thought of the legal fees that come with the dissolution of marriage? That is why Nicole Baras Feuer and Francine Baras, authors of “37 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Divorce,” advised that it is better to speak with a divorce therapist or advisor so you can be guided about the possible processes before bringing your marriage into the divorce trial court.
Keep your communication open.
When couples are going through tough times, it is understandably difficult to communicate feelings with each other. Simple conversations can easily turn into unpretty arguments. You’ll hear nagging, resentments, blames, and accusations.
Nobody likes to be in this situation everyday. So, some couples just opt to stay quiet and forget talking to each other.
But be careful with the silent treatment. Unresolved marital conflicts can fester into huge issues that may lead to divorce.
Relationship specialist Rachel Sussman emphasizes the importance of healthy communication in successful relationships. She sees communication as a tool that couples can take advantage of to better their marriage. And in her counseling approach, she focuses on developing communication skills among her clients to improve their ways in talking to each other.
Having said that, it is of high importance that you keep open communication in your marriage. Be reminded that it is better to speak your feelings with each other than keep it all in.
If there’s something that poses a concern in your marriage, talk about it. Also, it is important that you know how to listen to your partner so you can find resolution to your conflicts.
Learn to listen.
As mentioned above, listening is also key in resolving a conflict. Communication is lacking if couples do not understand the importance of listening effectively.
To listen effectively is to carefully understand, remember, and give feedback to what your partner just said. In addition, you must do your best not to interject your thoughts while the other is still talking or explaining.
The problem with couples whose conversations turn into heated arguments is often that they don’t listen. They are all too eager to be heard, but they are unwilling to do the same for their spouse.
According to marriage expert Adrienne Levy, the most important tool to manage life’s challenges is to listen effectively and communicate in a non-blaming and non-defensive manner. We couldn’t agree more.
Sometimes, when our mind is filled with too much anger and disappointment, we speak in hate. And it just makes things worse, doesn’t it?
Therefore, we recommend couples to stop and talk for a while when marriage is becoming a pain in the ass. And again, practice the art of listening.
Place your marriage as your top priority.
The moment you and your spouse tied the knot, you should have realized and accepted that from that day on, it is your marriage that should be the priority. And when marriage is the priority, there should be no room for divorce in your home.
Divorce happens when spouses decide to stop working hard for marriage. We are all very well aware that marriage takes hard work, and as the word suggests, it is pretty hard to keep it beautiful and healthy.
But just like a seed planted on fertile soil, marriage needs nurturing and care. All couples must know that if they put it out on the corner to prioritize careers and everything that matters in their lives, then it won’t take a long time before their marriage withers.
With today’s stressful and busy society, men and women seem to be engaged with day-to-day responsibilities and tasks. They often forget that there’s a wife or a husband whom they should spend time with every single day.
Because of the daily stresses of life, most couples choose rest or sleep over quality time with the spouse. Are you guilty of this?
If this continues, we wouldn’t be surprised if the wife or the husband sees his/her marriage as unsatisfying and unfulfilling. This is the reason why we emphasize the importance of placing marriage as the top priority.
With anything and everything you do in life, there must be a special spot for your marriage. As you develop your career and relationships with other people, you must take the time to develop your marriage first.
So, if you want to keep divorce out of your door, then you need to remember that marriage is a priority. The husband or the wife comes first.
If you and your spouse are going through a rough patch, it is easier to quit than to work it out, right? Quitting leads you to instant freedom. Freedom from all the aches, pains and hatred.
Working it out, on the other hand, leads you to more compromises, required efforts, and possible suffering. It doesn’t look pretty at all, but at the end of the road, there could be a rainbow waiting.
So, if you think that you can both still choose to love, then why not? Divorce is better than a bad marriage, that’s true. However, a beautiful marriage that was able to uphold its foundation of love through time is a treasure.