A lot of people want to spend their lives with the people they love but are afraid of being married and attached to a person forever. The fear of marriage can develop even during childhood or can manifest just before the act of being married. What happens when you have a fear of marriage?
What is the fear of marriage?
Science actually has a term for the fear of marriage. It is called Gamophobia. People with gamophobia can feel and reciprocate love. They are just scared of the thought of being married. These people may have all the open relationships they can or have “no strings attached” affairs. But the mere mention of commitment would make them search for the nearest door and get out.
Why is this so?
Fear of marriage can be caused by a lot of factors. To know how to overcome the fear of marriage, you first need to have an idea of the reasons why some people fear marriage.
Low self-worth and insecurities
A person with a lot of insecurities may think that he cannot handle commitment. He always looks at himself and sees someone who is undeserving of another person’s time and effort. His weaknesses and flaws overwhelm him too much. He assumes that allowing another person in his life will be a burden for him and for her.
Gamophobia can also be the result of an experience during childhood. If your parents were divorced or were always fighting when you were young, you may develop a fear of the concept of marriage. If you did not enjoy your experiences with your parents, you may be afraid of being married yourself.
Gamophobia is not just a fear that starts during childhood. Personal experience may persuade you to fear marriage altogether. If you have undergone a divorce, you may be scared of going into a commitment with someone else. You did not like the idea of marriage in your first relationship, and you would not want to be in the same situation ever again.
Downheartedness and depression
Depression may also cause you to become afraid of marriage. There are many types of depression. Some of them include major depression, situational disorder, seasonal affective disorder, and atypical disorder. Being down and conflicted with your emotions can also bring you into a state of fear of being married. You are so focused on managing your own situation that you cannot handle more people in your life.
How to Overcome the Fear of Marriage
1.Ask yourself if the person you are in a relationship with is “the one.”
Some people with gamophobia are actually in a relationship with another person. The thing is, they do not want to go a level higher with their relationship. If you are this kind of person, you must ask yourself this question: Is he or she really the one?
Sometimes, all it takes for fear to be overcome is to face it head-on. Since you have a fear of marriage, who better to accompany you to beat that fear than the person you want to be with for the rest of your life?
If you do not want to lose that person to someone else, you should propose to them. The loss of your relationship will be a bigger fear and hurt than the fear of marriage itself.
2.Go to a professional.
For those who have gamophobia, it is best to consult a professional who can guide you and help you overcome it. The best people you can ask for assistance are marriage counselors. They are equipped with training and experience to deal with anything that is marriage-related.
These experts will gain insight into your past and find the root cause of your fear of marriage. They can figure out what experiences or biological effects you have undergone that made you feel scared of marriage.
It is also healthy to get a third-person opinion of your current situation. You must get someone that is not biased and has no connection with you in order to assess your emotions and your fears.
3.Communicate your fear to your partner.
Another way to manage and possibly remove your fear of marriage is by talking to your current partner. Sometimes, it can be scary to talk about this fear, especially with the person you are in a relationship with. It is because you are afraid that he or she will see no future with you.
But you have already built a relationship with each other. You are supposed to entrust your fears and your whole being to one another. Sharing your fear of marriage does not mean that you are saying that there is no chance that you and he or she will get married. It only means that there is a fear that needs to be handled correctly.
Just be open about it. Tell him or her how much you are afraid of getting married. But you also have to be open to your partner’s suggestions and recommendations. A relationship only works if both of you are in it together. Figure out the things that both of you can do to reduce or finally remove your fear.
4.Ask help from those couples that you really look up to.
If you fear the concept of marriage, then you can go to the people you trust and ask them about their own experiences in relationships.
It is really a concept. You either concocted your own meaning of marriage based on personal experiences, or you just scared yourself too much regarding what marriage truly means.
To do this, you must look for married couples that have a good standing in their relationship. You must ask for help from people whose relationship is something that you want to adapt or replicate. You can find them anywhere—in schools, in the church, within your group of friends, or in your family.
The key here is accumulating all the information that you get from all of them. You will understand that marriage is different each time. Your bad experience in marriage or the negative meaning of marriage should not be considered the norm for all relationships.
5.Ask your parents.
For those who have a good relationship with their parents, you can go to them for advice. As their child, you are a witness of how it is to be married. You can ask them the right questions in order to overcome your gamophobia.
If your parents are still together, then you should ask for pointers on how to keep a marriage and stick to each other despite struggles and arguments. You can also ask them about what they felt and did prior to the marriage.
If, however, your parents are now divorced or separated, you can still get some key points on how not to approach marriage. Let them explain their side of the story of what happened to their marriage. Knowing this can make you aware of the things to avoid for a healthy relationship.
6.Understand what commitment is.
Some people might be scared of being married because they cannot handle being committed to one person. It may be because they see themselves as being too restricted in marriage. Or they see themselves as incapable of taking care of another person.
Yes, being committed to one person takes a lot of effort. You will need to go the extra mile for your spouse. The things that you never thought you would be doing when you were single are the ones that you will do in your marriage. You need to always put your guard up and protect yourself from temptations. And you also need to protect your spouse from doing the same.
But commitment also has its pleasures and gains. When you are committed, this means that you are also loved by that person. The one that you are marrying is also sacrificing his or her singleness in order to be with you. The confidence of staying in each other’s arms and being secure with one another is the joy of being inside a marriage.
Fear of marriage is quite common. You must not be afraid of admitting this fear that you have.
The first step in finding a solution to a problem is admitting that you have a problem in the first place. Share your fear with the people you trust. Ask for help. And do your best to overcome it.