A husband and wife should sort everything out to fix their marriage. No right formula exists, because different situations require different answers.
Add personality and varying responses to the mix and it will be more difficult to figure things out. But because you love each other, you will do everything you can to restore your marriage. Understand her, talk to her and be with her throughout the whole process of renewal.
Most women, according to this article from PsychCentral, are not even aware that they are becoming emotionally distant. To turn things around, you can do the following:
Accept Your Current Situation.
The sooner you accept the fact that your wife is becoming detached from your relationship, the better. Being emotionally distant is no laughing matter. Some marriages with emotionally unavailable spouses can lead to dysfunction and sometimes, divorce. If you recognize that you have a problem in your marriage, you can improve the chances of fixing it up.
Be honest with yourself and say that your relationship has some issues. It may be because of your wife or it may be because of you. No matter the main cause of your circumstance, you should exert your best effort to try to restore the love and the connection in your marriage.
Accept The Way that She Is.
Being emotionally detached can be chronic or temporary. Chronic detachment happens because of trauma or childhood events. Temporary emotional detachment occurs because of specific situations.
If she has not mentioned anything before, she may be afraid of being judged or scaring you away. But she is your wife now. And you love her. You just need to accept her whole being as a person.
If you force rules of things that she has to do in your marriage, she will only become more distant from you. You have to be gentle with her. Her emotions are already enclosed within her. Imposing stuff on her will only make things worse.
Understand Her Emotions.
Once you have accepted your situation and the personality of your wife, then you can talk to her. You should be calm when you start communicating with her. But do not forget to infuse your heart when you sit her down and talk to her.
How will you do this? Ask her what is wrong. First, understand her feelings and her emotions. Dive into her mind. As much as possible, see where she is at and how she views your marriage.
Does she feel like everything is still okay? Does she recognize the things that you notice in your relationship? Ask her selected questions to know more about what she is going through. But be sure not to pick the questions that will make her put guards in front of her or be on the defensive.
Share with Her Your Own Emotions.
Now that you know where she stands, you can better position the words that you will say to her. You may feel that you are the aggrieved person in the relationship, but for a couple to work things out, one still has to stand up and be rational about it.
Tell her what you see in your marriage. Reiterate that you are not here to criticize her, but you want to be connected with her. And the only way to do this is to open up to her. And she should also be more vocal about her feelings for you.
Make Her Feel Protected.
You wife had built a wall around her and kept her emotions all to herself. You cannot go in unless she feels secure with you. When you start talking to her, you should assure her that everything will be alright. Give her the protection that she desperately needs.
One way to do this is by sharing your own weaknesses with her. Tell her your faults and flaws and how to plan to handle them. If you are vulnerable with her, she will feel safer with you and she can be more open.
Do the Stuff that Makes Her Happy.
If she still feels distant, then you can go to a favorite restaurant or a well-loved travel destination. You can also eat the cuisine that she prefers or get her a dog. Why should you do this? If she is emotionally happy, then she can be more connected to you.
As she opens herself up to happiness again, she will feel more open to sharing her emotions with you. And it will be easier to ask her more questions if she is in a situation where you are cheering her up.
Give More Time to Her.
Time can be the main cause of her emotional detachment in your relationship. If she has been far from you emotionally, it’s probably because you did not notice the first instance in which this was happening.
Whether she admits it or not, you should give more time to her. Do not let allow more distance between you to develop and grow. You can take more time off from work and do activities with your wife.
You can pick healthy habits that you can do together. Jogging or walking is a nice choice because you can talk while you exercise. You can also go to the gym. Spend more time dining with your wife so that you converse and talk more about how your day was regularly.
Go to Relationship Experts.
You can get assistance from experts who have experience in dealing with emotional detachment. You must also ask help from marriage counselors who can provide the needed knowledge in fixing your relationship.
She may be hesitant at first, especially if she is not used to talking to psychologists or therapists. But if she feels that you sincerely want to help her, then she will eventually give in and go with you to seek professional help.
Ask Help from Medical Experts.
If you feel that you have not done anything bad which have caused her to be emotionally distant, then her condition may be internal. Does she feel sick? Her emotional detachment can be because of sickness or illness. She may be hiding something in her health which may have caused her to retract her emotions.
You can ask her directly if she feels ill. If she still hides it, then you can just be more observant to her actions. You can also look at her if she looks different.
Here are some of the characteristics of a wife that has grown distant to you:
- She does not prioritize you—doing her work, hobbies, and interests are more important than supporting you.
- She is very critical of you—you will notice that everything that comes out of her mouth are words that will degrade you, your personality, and your well-being.
- Exterior stress affects your marriage; even if you are not the cause of stress for your wife, her anger and her anxiety is ushered into the relationship.
- She demands a lot from you—she may know your current job status and salary, but she still asks a lot of material things, possessions, and properties from you.
- She treats you like her own child-; as a husband, this is not good at all. You should be treated as someone with authority as a leader. She does not treat you with respect as the head of the family.
- She focuses more on social media than you. Every photo posted is curated and managed. But she takes a lot of time scrolling and being in social media rather than focusing on you.
- She does not compliment your wins; even if you are promoted at work, had your best run time, or have changed your look, she does not notice or compliment you.
- No fights in the marriage anymore—You don’t have arguments in your relationship anymore because she does not care enough to fix it.
- No more dates; If you ask her for a date, she just suggests that you stay at home and gives no apparent reason.
- She totally stopped talking to you; The worst-case scenario of an emotionally distant spouse is someone who just lives with you in the same house but does not communicate with you at all.
Mike Zhang. Founder of FamilyLifeShare