We will only know our “real” husbands the moment we say I do. His personality, behavior, and demeanor toward different situations will only come out right before your eyes when you actually spend days and nights together.
A dominant man can be a good thing or a bad thing. But one thing is for sure: a person who has dominant traits will definitely do everything in his power to have his every decision realized. When provoked or challenged, the dominant man will react in countless ways.
How can you tell if you have a dominant husband? Here are the seemingly unnoticeable signs that he indeed has authoritarian features:
He Demands that You Ask for His Permission Before You Do Anything.
You may have noticed this when you were still dating. He wants you to ask his consent whenever you go out of the house, eat with friends, or even spend time with your family. He demands to know everything that you are doing and the place that you are currently in.
What to do:
It depends on the situation that you are in. Most dominant men want to know every information about you because they feel that they deserve to be in a position of authority. It is not that the dominant husband does not trust you. It is just that he wants to be able to have a say on everything, even in your own marriage.
But if he insists on knowing what you do every minute of every day, it would feel like being ultimately submissive to your husband. You should have a serious talk regarding the matter. At first, he will just brush it off and say that you are exaggerating. But you can reiterate specific instances where he became overly mindful of what you do to the point that you felt restricted with stuff that you really needed to accomplish.
He is Very Critical of The Way You Dress.
Some men like to have their women dress sexily because they want to brag about their wife. Others want their wives to dress conservatively and without revealing too much skin. This is because they want their wives all to themselves. But some men want to have full control over the style of clothing of their spouse.
What to do:
I would always advise women to give their husbands what they want with regard to the type of clothing that they wear. As his wife, you need to respect his wishes, especially since it involves your physicality. You can also ask him the real reason why he allows some clothes and he prohibits others.
He Controls Your Money.
The dominant husband wants to control the money that is earned, not just by him, but also by you. In a study published on the NCBI website, one of the major reasons for divorce is financial problems.
When you feel that you are restricted in your spending preferences while your husband uses the family’s money without consulting you, it can be a real cause of argument and discussion. If he takes your hard-earned money without your consent, then this a sign that you have a dominant husband.
What to do:
Money is a touchy matter for couples. I once asked couples in a conference about who should take care of the finances. Should it be the husband? Or the wife? And I always say that the one who holds the money is the person capable of managing the money for the family.
The discussion here is about allowing the husband to take your money away from you. Unless you have an addiction to shopping or wasting your money, you should have a say on where your money goes.
He Physically Hurts You.
This is a definite and a negative sign of a controlling man. No wife deserves to be physically maltreated. Even if he has temper issues or the argument was your fault, nothing gives your husband a license to punch, kick, or do anything to hurt you.
Physically abusing anyone does not prove that the man is above his wife. Ironically, his behavior shows that he is beneath his wife.
What to do:
You should leave the house right away. No one should stay inside a home where she is constantly hurt and abused. You can ask for help from the right authorities so that you can be legally protected from the assaults of your husband.
He Does not Allow You to Go Anywhere Alone.
It is kind of sweet for the husband to want to go with you everywhere. But it can get quite bothersome if this happens even in cases where you must go alone. Examples of these include going on business trips, spending time with your friends, or needing to have some personal space.
Your husband may ask, “Why do you have to leave alone anyway when you have me to go with you?” If you are like any other person I know, we always long for that time alone where we can reflect and think about our plans, goals, and aspirations.
What to do:
Just be honest about it. If you do not want him to go with you, then tell him. I think that if you are open to talking about these kinds of things, you are developing your relationship more and maturing your marriage.
Do not leave him space to doubt your loyalty and love for him. Be transparent with your schedules, your emails, and texts. You are not trying to hide anything anyway, so you can just be open to him about these details. If he knows that he can trust you, he may eventually give you the appropriate freedom that you want.
He Criticizes Your Every Move.
One type of dominant husband is the one who gets insecure if his wife gets ahead of him in different areas of life like career, physical looks, and social status.
When he sees that your career is flourishing, he may ask you to look for another job or maybe just stay at home. If people adore your appearance while he goes unnoticed, he may become critical of your style or overall wardrobe. Some husbands may feel insecure with their wives gaining recognition from local communities and organizations.
What to do:
The husband should not hold you back but instead encourage you to do what you love to do. We do not lose our identity when we become married to another person. The husband is the complement to your personality and to your strengths.
You should talk to your husband and clear things up with him. Why is he reacting a particular way when you get promoted or when you get recognized while he does not? Remind him that there is no competition between the two of you. His success is your success and your triumph is his triumph.
He is a Jealous Husband.
Most dominant husbands I know would demand that their wife should not talk or go near other guys. Well, to a certain point, this is correct. The husband should always protect his wife from unnecessary interaction with men other than themselves.
But the truth is that you cannot be restricted from talking to other men, especially if it is part of your work to converse with men. For those who had male friends long before meeting your husband, it can be quite difficult to explain to the dominant husband that you will not do anything that will hurt your marriage.
What to do:
Jealousy often starts when your husband had an experience of your interaction with other men. What you can do is evaluate yourself and see if there is indeed a particular misdeed that you were misled into doing. Ask for forgiveness regarding the matter and assure him that you will not do it ever again.
If you prove to him that you are gradually changing through your words and actions toward other men, the jealousy will subside and it will be replaced with love and joy.
Having a dominant man for a husband is no deal-breaker. We all have different characteristics as we make a choice to go into marriage. It just happens that your man is dominant in your relationship.
Talk to the guy. If he is overstepping in some aspects of your relationship, then you need to mention it to him. Then arrive at a compromise so that you can truly have a blissful marriage.
Mike Zhang. Founder of FamilyLifeShare