The whole divorce process can be detrimental to your physical and emotional health. If you are undergoing a divorce, you must approach this with the right strategy and technique. You still want your life intact, even during the procedure.
We approached several different attorneys and asked them to give their best divorce advice. We accumulated them and made a list below:
10 Best Divorce Advice
Resist the urge to get even with your spouse.
If you are the one that got hurt, lied to, and cheated on, the first thing that you may want to do is to get even with your spouse. Don’t. It will only make the process uglier and messier. Just ask your lawyer to collect all the needed data available, talk to the lawyer of the other party, get the divorce procedures started, and get it over and done with as quickly as possible.
Accept the fact that you are getting divorced.
Divorce is tough for both parties. The uncoupling of two people is hard because you have a relationship that you aimed to build and take care of. But the reality is that you are getting a divorce. The fact is that you are not going to be together anymore.
The sooner you accept this change that is about to happen in your life, the faster you can adapt to the situation and the make necessary life decisions to keep your being and your mind moving in the right direction.
Understand your assets.
One of the issues talked about during divorce is the distribution of assets and properties. You actually do not have to use the total amount of assets as the basis for the distribution between the husband and the wife.
According to this article from Forbes.com, you have two types of properties—separate property and marital property. It can a little different in various states, but generally, the meaning stays the same.
Separate property is any property that you owned prior to your marriage. It can also be an inheritance that you received even after the marriage. Gifts that were given to you personally are also accepted as separate property.
All the properties that you bought during the marriage are considered marital property. Even if the property is titled in your husband’s or wife’s name, you are still part-owner of this asset. Some examples of marital properties include pension plans, stock options, commissions, bonuses, insurance, country club memberships, bank accounts, mutual funds, cars, boats, paintings, and other antiques.
Give yourself some space to heal.
Being in a divorce is very demanding and may take a toll on your body. You just have to endure it and hope that it will all be over soon.
But even while the divorce process is ongoing, you can give yourself some breathing room to heal and pick yourself up again. You may be undergoing an emotional roller coaster right now, but you should still look out for yourself, whether you caused the divorce or not.
This does not mean that you should find somebody else to love. Dating at this early stage is not only a bad idea, but also harmful to you and the person you attempt to date. You are still not in a stable emotional state.
Instead, focus on yourself and love yourself more. Appreciate the small things. Go for some leisure walks. Think about how you can improve your life now as a single person. Heal your heart and see a bright future ahead of the divorce.
Treat your divorce as a normal business deal.
If you are used to making business deals, then you should just treat your divorce as one of your transactions. You can control your emotions more and not get dragged into a muddled tug-of-war for the properties and assets of the marriage.
What you can do is take a step back from your position and see what you should prioritize more. Put tasks that take a lot of time and effort at the back of the heap. At the end of the day, it will be all about the rewards that you get with minimal risks.
Make copies of all your financial records.
You should create copies of all your financial records to ensure that all your assets are well-documented. You should do this especially if you are the one filing for a divorce. You can avoid the “he-said-she-said” arguments because you have saved a copy of each of your financial statements from the time you got married through today.
Think of your children throughout the whole process.
It is not the children’s fault that you are undergoing a divorce. You have misunderstandings as a couple that cannot be fixed, which resulted in divorce. But do not let your kids suffer more than they already have.
Whether you notice it or not, your children are already under a lot of stress, knowing that their parents will not be together anymore. As much as possible, shield your children from more hurt and pain.
Instead, figure out a way to make things easier for your kids. Where will the children stay? How about visitation days? Think about how they will be supplied with their daily and monthly needs. If you both love your children, you will always see to it that they will have the best.
You should also not forget to regularly talk to your children. Explain to them your current situation. If your children are old enough, you can also share with them the different qualities that they need to sustain themselves even after undergoing such adversities in life.
Get people to back you up.
Get an emotional support team that will back you up during these times. You can rely on your closest friends or family members to help you survive this season of your life. You should ask them to take it upon themselves to be accountable for you.
They will also act as your buffer so that you can manage your finances before and after the divorce. They should take a look at your current financial status so that you will not spend too much on legal fees.
They should also make sure that you will be rational in spending the money that you receive after the distribution of the assets and properties to you and your ex-spouse.
Divorce can cause the people involved to worry and have a lot of stress. This is particularly true for husbands or wives who depend on their spouse’s income. They may not have a job or any financial source to survive. They become stressed out by what could happen in the future.
Some people worry when they get divorced late in their life. You imagined yourself as staying with your spouse even at the twilight of your age. But now that you are alone, you keep worrying about your health and who will take care of you.
These are just probable situations that may or may not happen to you. Right now, you are already under a lot of anxiety because of the divorce. Do not add to the tension by worrying about your future.
Just look at the good things about your life. You still have your family. You still have your children. And people still love you.
Fix yourself up.
Your marriage may have taken a lot from you, both physically and emotionally. Now it is time to fix yourself up and take back your life.
You can get a life coach to help you take the right path to living and staying healthy. You can go to a therapist so that you have an expert to talk about where to go next. Start a new habit. You can do yoga or Pilates. You can start biking or running.
These activities will not just take your mind off the divorce procedures, but also keep you focused on what truly matters. Take care of yourself more. Be ready to make some changes in your lifestyle. And make sure to consult family and friends as you become healthier and begin developing your self-worth.
Divorce can be long and very difficult. But you still have to endure it. Emotions will rise, habits will change, and your whole lifestyle will be affected.
You are undergoing a new phase of your life right now. But it does not have to be all bad. Read through the list and follow some of the advice to make the divorce process more bearable and manageable.