No one ever plans to date a married woman. As much as possible, men would rather remove all complications from their lives and choose to socialize with an unattached person. But sometimes, it just so happens that circumstances present themselves and allow you to develop and connect with such a woman.
If you are currently dating a married woman, you can be one of these people:
- You got attracted to this woman, dated her and did not know during the start of the relationship that she was married.
- You consciously pursued this woman even though you already know that she has a husband.
- You did not intentionally want to get romantically close to this woman but fell in love with her anyway.
If you are interested in this article, you are either curious about the advantages and disadvantages of dating a married woman, or you are looking for answers about whether you should continue dating one or not. So, without further ado, here are the pros and cons:
The Pros of Dating a Married Woman
Experience in Marriage
If you are serious with this woman that you are dating, you can be assured that you are with someone that has more experience than you when it comes to marriage.
Since she is in a marriage herself, she has already felt what it is like to live with her husband. She has understood the ups and downs of marriage. She already knows how to manage emotions, to be more rational in dealing with her spouse, and to take care of her partner day in and day out.
Being in a marriage can make people mature in their way of thinking. If you are dating a married woman, she may be able to tackle problems better. She can be more balanced in making decisions. Since she already has faced some marriage issues before, she may be more equipped and ready to provide solutions to these concerns.
Dating a Married Woman Can be Inexpensive
She has already dealt with daily expenses of living a married life. That means she already knows that money needs to be saved for other costs. She has an understanding that going to expensive restaurants every day is not feasible if she wants to continue her relationship with you.
If she is a married woman who is hiding from the public eye, you have limited options for outings. Expensive restaurants, movies, malls, and other places where people traffic is heavy are off-limits. You can manage your money more when you are dating a married woman.
A married woman who starts to date a guy does not have any expectations. You are not required to do anything for her. And she also does not obligate you to do various things. The relationship becomes more relaxed compared to dealing with other women.
Fulfilling Her Needs
Dr. Willard Harley, Jr., a popular writer and therapist, states that every wife has 5 basic needs. These are affection, sex, communication with spouse, companionship, and physical attraction. If she is on the lookout for men other than her husband, this means that her current needs are not being met.
If she is the kind of married woman who is dissatisfied with her spouse, she will only be looking for someone who can fulfill her current need. You do not have to satisfy all her needs because her husband is already providing some of them.
Being affectionate with her means being vocal about your feelings for her. You should compliment the way she looks. You kiss and hug her every time you have the opportunity to do so. You buy her flowers and help her any way you can.
Sexual fulfillment is another need for her. If she feels discontented with the way her husband becomes intimate with her, you should be more assertive in building up the emotions leading to sex.
Communication entails being open to normal conversations. That means not only your typical talks, but also having deep and meaningful discussions. You should not restrict yourself from sharing the emotions that you have and the dreams that you aspire to as well as your formulated thoughts and views.
Companionship means enjoying your time together through doing fun activities that you both can appreciate. Lastly, physical attraction means that you must fix yourself, be healthy, and look appealing to her.
The Cons of Dating a Married Woman
You should face the fact that you may be the reason that her family will be broken. Even if she has a happy married life, if she decides to go with you and leave her husband and kids, then you have no choice but to accept the truth that you caused the wife to get out of her marriage.
The situation becomes more complex because you will now have to deal with her family, friends, husband, and kids. You will encounter people who will be angry with what you did.
Concerns with the Husband
Dating someone who is married means that you actually have to contend with the husband. He is the person she is officially and legally with right now. Whether you like it or not, she will need to go back to her house and spend time with this man.
If your relationship is just starting out, you are competing with what the husband offers. Does he provide well for his family? Is he better in bed? Does he fill the emotional needs of his wife? You may become stressed in thinking that you must be greater than her husband in every aspect of marriage.
Even if your relationship leads to divorce in her marriage, the comparison will not stop. Since she already has experiences with this person in the bond of marriage, she has already built an idea of what a marriage should and should not be like. You will continuously be measured based on how her previous husband was in their relationship.
Concerns with the Kids
Dating someone who has a husband is difficult enough. It becomes more complicated when she has kids to take care of.
In their eyes, you are the person who stole their mother from their dad. And, in a way, it is true. The closer they are with their father, the more challenging it is to win their hearts. You will be viewed as an enemy for years to come.
Your relationship with her children may change over time. As they see you more as the person who takes care of their mom, the anger will subside and turn to understanding. But still, their behavior is unpredictable and may be a problem in the future.
Open Affairs May Turn into Emotional Involvement
If you first sought to be with a married woman because of having an open relationship, you must be careful not to become emotionally invested in the relationship. Sometimes, even if you both agree to just have fun with each other’s company, you can eventually develop deep feelings for her.
This is dangerous in a way because your relationship cannot level up past what it is right now. She is married. And she does not want to do anything with you other than stay distracted and busy.
We all have heartbreaks in dating and relationships. But with a married woman, the situation becomes more complicated. Even if you both have feelings for each other, she cannot just leave her husband.
If she has no reason to get out of her marriage, then she will not do so. She just got her attention diverted. You may have done something to attract her.
You can only hope that someday, when you also want to be married to her, she will divorce her husband and go to your loving arms. But if she cannot leave him, then you will only have your heart broken.
In the survey conducted by Avvo, results showed that more than 50 percent of the men are willing to be in open relationships. Even though the statistics show a lower rate of women who cheated their partner—about 13 percent—dating a married woman is a lot more common than you think.
You may not have predicted that this situation would happen to you. But currently, you are engaging this person with an intention to build a connection with her.
You may not have been able to control your feelings at the start of your relationship, but now that you know the benefits and the pitfalls of dating a married woman, you can make your decision on what to do next.
Mike Zhang. Founder of FamilyLifeShare