Dating a Married Woman (Things to Consider and How to End)

The Pros and Cons of Dating a Married Woman

Dating a married woman can lead to complex ethical issues and many potential problems. Many women seek affairs for various reasons. If you find yourself captivated by a married woman, proceed with extreme caution.

Why Married Women Seek Affairs?

Unmet needs

  • Sexual incompatibility with spouse
  • Lack of intimacy, affection, and attention from husband
  • Not feeling desired or appreciated

Emotional voids

  • Feeling alone, detached from a spouse
  • Seeking understanding, excitement, and passion missing in marriage

Test divorcing

  • Using affair to determine if ready to leave husband
  • Weighing if the grass is greener outside marriage

Revenge or retaliation

  • Getting back at cheating husband
  • Making spouse jealous

The Ethical Quandary

Pursuing a married woman inevitability stirs ethical dilemmas:

  • Are her reasons for cheating justified?
  • Is her marriage salvageable or doomed?
  • What is your real motivation?

Ask yourself:

  • Am I ready to support her if she leaves her husband?
  • Can I respect her marriage even if it’s troubled?
  • What are the consequences to her, her family, and myself if we’re caught?

Analyze your true intentions critically before getting involved.

When It May Be Okay?

While murky, certain situations make dating a married woman more ethical:

  • Her marriage is abusive and she’s planning to leave.
  • Her marriage exists for convenience but the romance has died.
  • Both spouses consent to an open marriage.
  • Her connection with you is the catalyst to exit an unhappy marriage.

Proceed with care assessing her goals and motivations realistically. Open communication is key.

9 Things To Consider When Dating A Married Woman

A relationship with a married woman presents unique challenges not common in most other relationships. Before getting involved, carefully consider all relevant issues to decide if this is the right choice for you.

Be Prepared for Confrontation

Dating a married woman could mean facing anger and opposition from multiple fronts:

  • Her husband may threaten or get violent if he discovers the affair
  • Family members may judge the relationship harshly
  • Friends may avoid contact out of loyalty to her marriage

Prepare for uncomfortable confrontations but avoid retaliation. Remain calm explaining your feelings for her if questioned.

Understand Her Feelings for Her Husband

Do not assume dating you means she no longer loves her husband. Reasons she remains committed include:

  • History and attachment – Years together builds connection hard to abandon
  • Children – Not wanting to hurt kids or raise them separately
  • Finances – Fears she can’t afford divorce or single living
  • Illness – Taking care of sick spouse she can’t abandon

Support and understand any lingering affection towards her husband.

Expect People to Judge You

Dating a married woman means others will likely criticize your character and choices:

From friends and family:

  • Seen as immoral for dating someone’s wife
  • Perceived as an untrustworthy future partner
  • Viewed as a threat to the sanctity of marriage

From her inner circle:

  • Blamed as a seducer who purposefully lured her astray
  • Deemed a destructive presence rather than a positive one
  • Assumptions you took advantage of her vulnerability

Avoid internalizing unfair judgments if you care for her truly.

You May Just Be a Rebound

Even if divorced or separated, assess if you’re a rebound fling post-marriage:

  • How long has she been split? Less than six months may signal you’re a transitional lover.
  • Is she using the relationship to validate attractiveness or fill temporary loneliness?
  • Has she processed her failed marriage enough to commit healthily?

Discuss her readiness for commitment transparently before progressing further.

Expectations for a Normal Relationship Should Be Lowered

Do not expect a relationship with a married woman to follow typical relationship norms:

  • Limited ability to go out openly together
  • Less one-on-one quality time
  • Won’t meet each other’s families as a couple
  • Holidays and special occasions spent separately
  • Taking a secondary role to husband and family

If you desire events like these, reconsider if this relationship meets your needs.

Be Prepared for an Emotional Rollercoaster

Dating a married woman brings daily ups and downs:

  • Guilt – Moments of doubt if betrayal is justified
  • Secrecy – Stress of hiding relationship from husband
  • Arguments – Tension if you or she prioritizes spouse first
  • Insecurity – Jealousy if she gives her husband affection

Communicate openly when you struggle with her divided attention.

Understand the Risks Involved

Potential legal and financial consequences exist if caught:

  • Divorce settlement reduced if adultery proven
  • Losing child custody for immoral behavior
  • Being named correspondent in a divorce filing
  • Getting fired if a coworker’s spouse exposes an affair

Weigh if the risks outweigh the relationship’s benefits.

Privacy and Secrecy are Crucial

Guarding your privacy is key to avoid messy exposure:

  • No displays of affection in public areas
  • Limited phone contact only on secure apps
  • Use secret rendezvous points for meets
  • Never go to her home or interact with family

Maintain strict precautions avoiding suspicion.

Respect Her Family’s Priority in Her Life

Never demand more priority than husband or kids:

  • Be understanding of family obligations
  • Don’t get upset if plans disrupted for the spouse
  • Support her being present at children’s events
  • Respect custody arrangements or changes

If this dynamic strains you, carefully evaluate continuing the affair.

The Pros of Dating a Married Woman

Experience in Marriage

If you are serious with this woman that you are dating, you can be assured that you are with someone that has more experience than you when it comes to marriage.

Since she is in a marriage herself, she has already felt what it is like to live with her husband. She has understood the ups and downs of marriage. She already knows how to manage emotions, to be more rational in dealing with her spouse, and to take care of her partner day in and day out.

Being in a marriage can make people mature in their way of thinking. If you are dating a married woman, she may be able to tackle problems better. She can be more balanced in making decisions. Since she already has faced some marriage issues before, she may be more equipped and ready to provide solutions to these concerns.

Dating a Married Woman Can be Inexpensive

She has already dealt with daily expenses of living a married life. That means she already knows that money needs to be saved for other costs. She has an understanding that going to expensive restaurants every day is not feasible if she wants to continue her relationship with you.

If she is a married woman who is hiding from the public eye, you have limited options for outings. Expensive restaurants, movies, malls, and other places where people traffic is heavy are off-limits. You can manage your money more when you are dating a married woman.

No Expectations

A married woman who starts to date a guy does not have any expectations. You are not required to do anything for her. And she also does not obligate you to do various things. The relationship becomes more relaxed compared to dealing with other women.

Fulfilling Her Needs

Dr. Willard Harley, Jr., a popular writer and therapist, states that every wife has 5 basic needs. These are affection, sex, communication with spouse, companionship, and physical attraction. If she is on the lookout for men other than her husband, this means that her current needs are not being met.

If she is the kind of married woman who is dissatisfied with her spouse, she will only be looking for someone who can fulfill her current need. You do not have to satisfy all her needs because her husband is already providing some of them.

Being affectionate with her means being vocal about your feelings for her. You should compliment the way she looks. You kiss and hug her every time you have the opportunity to do so. You buy her flowers and help her any way you can.

Sexual fulfillment is another need for her. If she feels discontented with the way her husband becomes intimate with her, you should be more assertive in building up the emotions leading to sex.

Communication entails being open to normal conversations. That means not only your typical talks, but also having deep and meaningful discussions. You should not restrict yourself from sharing the emotions that you have and the dreams that you aspire to as well as your formulated thoughts and views.

Companionship means enjoying your time together through doing fun activities that you both can appreciate. Lastly, physical attraction means that you must fix yourself, be healthy, and look appealing to her.

The Cons of Dating a Married Woman

Breaking Families

You should face the fact that you may be the reason that her family will be broken. Even if she has a happy married life, if she decides to go with you and leave her husband and kids, then you have no choice but to accept the truth that you caused the wife to get out of her marriage.

The situation becomes more complex because you will now have to deal with her family, friends, husband, and kids. You will encounter people who will be angry with what you did.

Concerns with the Husband

Dating someone who is married means that you actually have to contend with the husband. He is the person she is officially and legally with right now. Whether you like it or not, she will need to go back to her house and spend time with this man.

If your relationship is just starting out, you are competing with what the husband offers. Does he provide well for his family? Is he better in bed? Does he fill the emotional needs of his wife? You may become stressed in thinking that you must be greater than her husband in every aspect of marriage.

Even if your relationship leads to divorce in her marriage, the comparison will not stop. Since she already has experiences with this person in the bond of marriage, she has already built an idea of what a marriage should and should not be like. You will continuously be measured based on how her previous husband was in their relationship.

Concerns with the Kids

Dating someone who has a husband is difficult enough. It becomes more complicated when she has kids to take care of.

In their eyes, you are the person who stole their mother from their dad. And, in a way, it is true. The closer they are with their father, the more challenging it is to win their hearts. You will be viewed as an enemy for years to come.

Your relationship with her children may change over time. As they see you more as the person who takes care of their mom, the anger will subside and turn to understanding. But still, their behavior is unpredictable and may be a problem in the future.

Open Affairs May Turn into Emotional Involvement

If you first sought to be with a married woman because of having an open relationship, you must be careful not to become emotionally invested in the relationship. Sometimes, even if you both agree to just have fun with each other’s company, you can eventually develop deep feelings for her.

This is dangerous in a way because your relationship cannot level up past what it is right now. She is married. And she does not want to do anything with you other than stay distracted and busy.


We all have heartbreaks in dating and relationships. But with a married woman, the situation becomes more complicated. Even if you both have feelings for each other, she cannot just leave her husband.

If she has no reason to get out of her marriage, then she will not do so. She just got her attention diverted. You may have done something to attract her.

You can only hope that someday, when you also want to be married to her, she will divorce her husband and go to your loving arms. But if she cannot leave him, then you will only have your heart broken.

How to End an Affair with A Married Woman?

Reflect on Your Motivations

Before ending things, examine what motivated the relationship and if those needs changed:

  • Did you fall for the excitement of secrecy and risk?
  • Were you filling a void like loneliness in your own life?
  • Did a genuine connection form but practical issues emerged?

Understanding the emotional basis of the affair guides the next steps.

Communicate Honestly and Respectfully

Direct yet thoughtful communication prevents further hurt when closing the book:

  • Emphasize shared feelings – Validate mutual care during the affair before explaining why it cannot continue as is
  • Discuss adjustments attempted – Review where you tried meeting each other’s needs better
  • Explain your internal conflicts – Share grappling with secrecy, jealousy, or priority disputes
  • Offer support – Suggest constructive ways to improve her marital situation like counseling

Grace and compassion, despite the pain, dignifies the affair’s legacy.

Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

Reopening wounds already mending seldom ends well. To avoid relapse:

  • Cut contact channels – Block emails, messages, and chat apps still linking you
  • Avoid rendezvous points – Stay away from favorite meet-up restaurants or hotels
  • Limit social media stalking – Resist the urge to obsessively check updates on her
  • Focus energy elsewhere – Throw yourself into hobbies, friends, or work

Creating space for independent healing now empowers better connections ahead.

Seek Support and Focus on Self-Improvement

Surround yourself with positive sources of strength and reflection during the transition:

  • Connect with trusted friends – Confide in best friends who build you up rather than judge
  • Explore counseling – Work through lingering issues regarding self-worth, decision-making
  • Improve your life – Channel energy into neglected areas like health, finances, passions
  • Practice self-care – Soothe emotions through fitness, nutrition, and stress relief activities

Difficult endings plant the seeds for fresh beginnings and future growth.

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