The Importance of Compromise in Marriage and How do You Compromise?

Compromise in marriage isn’t just important-it is crucial, and how you choose to compromise with your husband or wife is just as important as making the compromise.

In short answer, yes, making compromises in marriage is very important. Some people would even argue that getting married is all about compromise and in many ways, those people are not wrong. In order for a marriage to be long lasting and happy, sacrifices need to come to a halt and compromises take rein, especially when it comes to “deal breaker” problems. Almost every problem or disagreement between a married couple are resolved with a compromise. Always be sure to keep an open communication policy with one another to avoid one spouse just caving and giving into what the other wants. 

Some couples, however much in love they are, have a hard time figuring out how to compromise, which could become detrimental to their marriage. A lot of times one spouse will expect the other to sacrifice something important to them ending in an argument--an argument that could have been easily avoided if a simple compromise had been made. Yes, at times a sacrifice must be made, however more often than not, marital problems can be solved easily and efficiently by making a compromise.

How to Compromise in Your Marriage

Surprisingly, many couples find themselves struggling to come to agreements on certain matters. Some disputes are easy to settle, for example if you want to paint the walls in your kitchen yellow but your spouse wants to paint the walls blue, it would be easy to come to an agreement on a color you both like.

Unfortunately, not all problems can be solved so easily. Others could put your marriage at risk if you cannot figure out how to come to an agreement, and no couple wants to experience that.

Couples need to understand that once you get married, it isn’t just about themselves anymore. The two of you become one and need to learn that their marriage will struggle if they continue to compete with each other about issues. It’s important not to allow your partner to just give in to whatever you want--keeping open communication is key for this and will allow both of you to “win” rather than one sacrificing something they love.

In order to come to a compromise, you must first discuss what exactly the issue is, whether it be a little thing like the paint color or something more serious. You then need to find out what each of you wants before you can figure out what a good consensus would be. Follow these steps as a guide to quickly come to an agreement without a blow up:

1. Discuss the underlying issue. Find out exactly what the problem the two of you are facing and why it is a problem. Ask yourselves if it really is an issue worth fighting over, or if it can be resolved simply by brainstorming and coming up with options the two of you both like.

2. Figure out what each of you want to do with the issue. Get some papers and pens and write down what you want--writing things down will help you be more organized with your thought processes. Once you have both written down exactly what you want, share it with your partner.

3. Jot down what you think a good solution could be. Brainstorm on your own for a moment and, using what you know about your partner, write down possible solutions. Share your ideas with your partner and have them do the same.

4. Discuss what you like about each other’s ideas. If you came up with the same idea, use that! If not, talk about why you think a certain idea would work better. Don’t just say “well, it’s how I would want it.”

5. Come to an agreement. This could take a little bit of time, but that’s okay. It’s better to sit down together and take the time to come to an agreement on the problem then to argue and stay mad at one another.

If you still haven’t come to an agreement, then you might have to both sit down and think about what’s truly important. Decide if you want to risk your relationship over this predicament, or if you are willing to give something up for the other person.

Giving something up doesn’t mean sacrificing something completely--compromise on that in order to come to an agreement on the major issue. 

Compromising Vs Sacrificing

Sacrificing

This is something that a lot of couples don’t fully understand the difference--and there is a huge difference. Compromising is coming to an agreement; you both decide what is best together, not one or the other. Sacrificing is one of you giving up something entirely.

Now, sometimes sacrificing is something that needs to be done to better the marriage, but it isn’t a bad thing. However, most of the time, when one sacrifices something, it’s because the other won’t budge on what he or she wants.

“Sacrificing” can lead to confusion between the couple. While one spouse gets what he or she wants, the other keeps hidden that they are upset, but just moves on with it. It’s important to make sure this does not happen so that each spouse is happy.

If you sense your partner is unhappy after a decision between the two of you has been made, stop and ask them if they are truly okay with the decision. Remember it is not just about you anymore. If your partner says they are okay with the choice but you are still questioning it, ask them again, and tell them that it is okay if they are not okay with the choice made.

Sacrificing is really the same as not compromising at all. Allowing your spouse to just give in so that you can get what you want is not fair to them, or you in the end.

Without compromising, there is a chance the marriage can fall apart. Arguments will pop up more and more and both of you might end up giving into the other just to stop the argument. Compromising will help solve all of this if you are patient.

How Much is Too Much When it Comes to Compromising?

You might be thinking, “Wow, is every little problem that arises going to need to be solved by compromising?” The answer is most often, yes. Marriage is about working together to figure things out, and unless the problem is something you or your partner feel very strongly about, then compromising is the best way to go about figuring a solution to the problem out.

For example, if your wife wants to take the kids to her mother’s house every Wednesday for lunch and you do not want her doing that because you do not like her mother, you might have to step back and just let her. Remember, it is important that your wife still gets to see her mother and that your children have a good relationship with their grandmother.

Sometimes you need to step back and pick your battles. Think, “It is only one day of the week and I am at work. Why am I upset about this?” If you are still bothered by something, sit down with your spouse and talk to them about why it is upsetting you. 

The Importance of Compromise in Marriage

There are many very important reasons to compromise after you get married. Also many vital reasons to compromise with your spouse before he or she even become your spouse. You may be thinking, “Before? But why?” Below we will cover the importance of compromising before and after marriage.

The Importance of Compromise Before Marriage

You might not think about how important it is to start compromising with your significant other before you get married. After all, you are an individual still, right? Yes, and no. Same as when you get married: You are an individual, but you are an individual who wants to make things work with the person they love, and in order to do that, you need to learn to come to agreements with your loved one before you get married. Consider it to be practice, especially once the two of you become engaged.

Learning to compromise before you get married is essential. It will help make your marriage stronger upon entering it and will help your marriage be smoother and less arguments arise.

Take buying a house together before you get married as an example: She wants a big house with a lot of land and you want a smaller sized house with less land to maintain. Sit down and talk about where you could meet in the middle. Get a decent sized house with a decent sized yard--nothing too big or too small. Or, get a smaller house with a large plot of land or a large house with a small plot of land.

If you and your partner can figure out how to compromise before tying the knot, it can save you both a lot of craziness and problems. Remember now is the best time to learn to have a completely open communication policy between the two of you.

The Importance of Compromising After Marriage

To some of you, this is a no brainer, it is just common sense to compromise with your loved one. After all, you understand that once you said “I do,” your entire life changed. You became one with the love of your life and now everything you do, you do together.

However, that is not the case for everyone. Some couples, despite being in love, have a hard time coming to agreements and before they know it, arguments are at an all time high and neither of you are happy. This is why it is so important to continue to make compromises even after getting married.

It is not about who is right and who is wrong anymore. It is pointless to argue about that. Instead, sit down and talk about the problem and start trying to figure out what each of you can do to fix it. There is always a way to overcome obstacles if you discuss what each of you can do as far as compromising and agreeing on the problem.

Include Deals When Compromising

Deals

Compromising isn’t just about coming to a mutual agreement. Sometimes, in order to come to a compromise, you need to make a deal. A quid pro quo if you will.

For example, if your husband is having a company dinner and wants you to go but you really do not want to go, tell him you will go as long as he comes with you to the cooking class you have been wanting to take with him for months. That way, you both get something you want and you both are happy. Plus, spending all that time together is good for your relationship. It is a win-win-win!

Some couples might look at this as a negative thing. “Why should I have to bribe my spouse in order to get him to do what I want him to do?” It is simple: it is not bribe as much as it is a trade off.

There is not anything wrong with doing something to make your spouse happy even if you do not want to do that; if your spouse does something that he or she does not want to do then you call it even. This is not a reason to argue, either. Sometime compromising requires a trade.

Related Questions

What do I do if my spouse won’t compromise with me?

If your spouse is being stubborn and won’t compromise with you, try doing a trade off. Suggest that you do something for them if they do what you need them to do. If that still does not work, ask yourself if what you want them to compromise over is really worth this frustration and if you decide it is not, then decide that because you love them, you are willing to let this slide.

What kinds of things do we not need to compromise on?

Of all the many things that need to be compromised on, there are many that should not be. Things like dreams, goals and family are three of the top things that should not be compromised one. Do not make your significant other up their goals or their dreams and especially their family. Also, do not ask them to give up their personal beliefs to change them because they differ from yours.

Amber Harrison

Amber Harrison

Inside the mind and life of a first time stay at home mom–recipes, DIY and adventures!

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