Anger is a natural emotion that we experience as a reaction to irrational, unwanted or unwelcome events in life. It is our mind’s response to perceived threats and also our way to protect ourselves.
But experts agree that excessive anger is dangerous. It can fester and hurt our health relationships, and even marriages.
In fact, anger in married couples yields harmful effects that may eventually lead to divorce. Additionally, spousal anger is revealed to be a typical contributing factor to depressive illnesses, according to research.
Needless to say, anger, when managed ineffectively, can be a huge problem for married couples. With that said, I think husbands and wives must learn techniques about how to effectively deal with anger.
So, men, let me ask you, what are your proven ways of handling an angry wife?
Well, there are different ways to deal with an angry spouse. Lucky are those husbands who are able to finally decipher the formula for resolving conflicts with their woman. However, for some males, it still remains a puzzle.
So, if you’re a man who’s still in search for the best methods for pacifying an angry wife, you’re lucky you landed on this post.
5 Recommended Ways on How to Deal With An Angry Wife.
1.Show some empathy.
Do not let your overriding marital problems go unresolved by refusing to show some empathy. Little amounts of it really go a long way. But what is empathy, anyways?
Empathy is the ability to understand people’s situations from their perspective, rather than from your own. When you empathize, you set aside your beliefs and perceptions over certain matters to have a better understanding of the other person’s feelings.
In married couples, it’s not quite easy to show empathy when every single day is filled with mundane frustrations like, “she didn’t do the dishes again,” “she didn’t turn off her alarm,” or“her choice of music in the morning really makes me sick.” These daily resentments, when left unsettled, could take a large toll on marriage.
Now, what do you do? Will you just let your happy marriage become a painful memory?
Show some empathy. Try to put yourself in your wife’s situation. Why is she lacking enough time to wash the dishes? Is she always tired at work?
Talk to your wife and listen to what she’s going through. Understand her feelings. She probably needs some help and your rants are no help at all.
Compassion is often confused with empathy. Both are defined as the ability to understand the feelings and emotions of another. However, there’s a difference between the two.
Being compassionate means you come into the situation of the other person and feel the desire to help or alleviate his/her pain. With empathy, you just simply take the perspective of other people and set aside your opinion on the matter.
To efficiently deal with an angry wife, a man needs to be compassionate. Women go through a lot of stuff daily. Not to mention their monthly periods, which causes their hormones to go crazy.
So, how do you do it? How do you show your wife compassion?
When a woman’s head is clouded with anger, it’s expected of them to rant at even the littlest things. This is understandably annoying for husbands, but this should be where compassion must come in.
Start with yourself. You must be convinced that your marriage shouldn’t be a nest of chaos and you should be determined to fix it at all costs.
Then, communicate your feelings with your wife. Use kind words and “I” statements like, “I noticed the changes in our relationship. I know we have some problems and I believe you also want to put an end to this. I am here to listen to whatever it is I can do to fix it.”
Remaining calm and kind when an angry wife is nagging and shouting is difficult. It’s irritating, upsetting and definitely annoying to try and please a woman who’s being irrational or unreasonable. But is a crucial time, one where men should choose the kinder path instead of throwing stones and arrows back at their wives.
Psychological researcher and clinician Dr. John Gottman, who did extensive studies on divorce prediction and marriage stability, found in one of his projects that couples who begin their arguments in a gentle manner are more likely to resolve conflicts effectively. This means to say that if you try your best to keep your cool and choose to be kind when your wife is at the heat of her anger, then probably you can direct the argument to the solutions to your problems.
But of course, being kind in front of an angry wife is easier said than done. So here are some tips from The Gottman Institute:
- Think of positive thoughts. Think kindly before you speak. This is the key. Stuffing your mind with nice things about your wife shall help you speak and behave kindly towards her.
- Be responsible for your feelings and actions. Know that you are a grown man who accepts responsibility for whatever emotions you have within. And with that duty, you must know how to filter your words when communicating your concerns with your angry wife. Just one negative word can turn your conversation into pit of hate and resentment.
- Have faith in your marriage. Some of your conflicts cannot be solved in one sitting. Be patient and just believe in the power of your love for each other. Just keep all the hope and love all the time.
When a wife is stuck in anger, it is possible for her to act out and do things that are hurtful to her husband. Men, if you are experiencing this, it’s time to set your boundaries.
We mentioned that you must know how to empathize, show compassion and be kind to an angry wife. However, if all these tricks didn’t work on your woman, you had better disengage before the heat burns the whole of you. When an angry wife becomes this unreasonable, a man may begin to lose respect and his temper, which may result to a deeper mayhem in the marriage. You wouldn’t like to be in this twisted situation.
So, what’s the best thing to do now?
Pause, take a break and take care of yourself. Wait until your wife is calm before you try to talk to her again. When she feels that you’re disengaging, she might warm up and be the first to open a conversation.
You can also take this break to analyze why your wife is always being grumpy. Well, what causes anger actually varies from one wife to another. Typical triggers are tiredness, discontentment, disappointment, frustration and financial issues.
But what makes it difficult to assess a wife’s anger is her refusal to communicate her feelings. This scenario is really difficult for men to bear, which is why you need to take a break.
Relax, breathe in and breathe out. With some peace of mind, you sure would be able to figure out how to pacify your wife’s anger.
5.Change the habits that are damaging to your marriage.
What’s the point of communication when you are not willing to change habits that harm your marriage? You must accept that neither you nor your wife is perfect. Naturally, there will be behaviors and routines that you need to adjust to promote peace and harmony inside your home.
So, when you decide to secure your marriage, you must accept the possibility that you need to say goodbye to some of your old habits. There should be compromises and you have to have to face them with a positive mind. It’s not as if you’re the only one that needs to change in order to save your relationship. Your wife should also be adjusting some of her behaviors for the sake of your marriage.
It is important to note, however, that it’s hard to break habits. Research suggests that, on average, it may take up to 66 days to form a new habit.
That’s more than two months of waiting! Therefore, you must give each other some time to iron out such changes.
But rather than just counting the days until your new habits are formed, you can also help each other break loose from the behaviors that are damaging to your relationship. Find a substitute for your old habits and cut yourselves away from the triggers. It can be an exciting and engaging challenge for married couples to build new habits that will improve the emotional health of their marriage.
Although we have shared above our 5 recommendations on how to deal with an angry wife, you must know that it is almost impossible to totally anger-proof your marriage. As a matter of fact, couples may experience simple bouts of anger on a daily basis.
But you need not fret. The expression of anger is also healthy for a marriage when done in the right way.
A healthy expression of anger allows you to let out the negative feelings boarding inside your heart and head. Therefore, it’s good to at least voice out your anger and have it resolved together with your spouse. Remember, pent-up anger can turn out unpretty so do something about it before it ends from bad to worse.