It goes without saying that a strong and long-term marriage does take work. As a matter of fact, I realized how backbreaking marriage can be during the first year after my husband and I tied the knot.
To tell the truth, I never expected that I would be extremely annoyed by the human being I love the most!
I mean, I am completely in love with him, but settling our differences is certainly not just a walk in the park. I was almost at my wit’s end!
But although my home turned into a ball and chain during the first years of my marriage, I am glad that we were able to work it out.
I must admit, however, that I needed lots of help from our friends and families during those tough times. Their counseling and guidance really did help me grow more strongly in love with my husband.
That is why whenever I encounter difficulties in my marriage, I just look back at what they taught me. And I think every soon-to-be wife should hear them as well!
Here are 8 Bits of Advice for The Bride You Guys Need to Hear.
1.Your future husband deserves your trust. Don’t spy on him.
A research done by One Poll in 1000 married couples revealed that only nine percent of wives do trust their husbands.
About nine percent of them log into their partner’s social media accounts. And around ten to eleven percent read their husbands’ emails and text messages.
The result is a clear reflection of the declining trust in marriages these days.
But you, as a bride and a future wife, must realize that your man deserves your trust. It is important that you give it to him.
You are his future spouse and not a spy. It is your duty to trust his words and not snoop through his emails and phone.
Besides, if you’re on the receiving end of spying, you wouldn’t like the thought of your partner not trusting you, either.
2.Your future husband is capable of making wrong decisions. Forgive him freely.
Your future spouse is human. Humans are bound to commit mistakes and learn from them. That is why it is crucial that you master the art of forgiveness before exchanging your vows.
According to the authors of “Making Marriage Work,” Dr. Rob Pascale and Dr. Lou Primavera, “Holding grudges is a lot of wasted work and destructive to our personal well being, not to mention our relationship.” I couldn’t agree more.
Hatred kills our kindness, whereas forgiveness heals and sets us free. So if in the future your husband needs it, give it to him freely. Keep in mind that the psychological and physical health advantages of forgiveness outweigh the price you have to pay for proffering it.
3.Your future husband may argue with you—but it’s okay.
In his research-based approach to relationships, Marriage and Family counselor John Gottman figured that about 69 percent of marital arguments are never solved. So brace yourself, as ⅔ of your conflicts are not leaving your door.
This may sound discouraging for brides like you, but what you need to know is that arguing is part of the marital course. In fact, disagreements about little matters are pretty normal and healthy in a relationship.
You are two unique people and two differing personalities after all. At some point in time, your beliefs and thoughts may clash. Just remember: it’s okay as long as you both know how to resolve your petty fights.
4.You and your future husband are a team. There’s no winner or loser in every argument.
As I mentioned above, there will always be arguments in your future marriage. Again, you need to learn how to resolve them.
However, what you also have to realize is that there’s no need to name a winner in every fight. You and your spouse are a team.
Your arguments should forge a stronger commitment to your marriage. They must never create a divide between the both of you.
5.Your future husband is wonderful. Compliment him.
Discover the power of compliments. Let your fiancé know how much you appreciate him and his hard work.
A study by the Harvard Business School found that compliments can lead to success. Purportedly, people who receive praises become more resilient to stress and better at problem-solving.
The same can be said in marriage.
Giving and receiving praise keeps optimism and warm feelings in a relationship. Doesn’t it feel good to know that your spouse appreciates even the littlest things you do?
But over and above that, compliments foster intimacy and a stronger connection between couples. These two factors are important in keeping love alive in a long-term marriage.
6.Your future husband is also your friend. Cultivate your friendship.
Friendship makes for a healthy and happy marriage. As per research, couples who cultivate their friendship achieve higher marital satisfaction. This comes as no surprise, as many couples claim to be friends before they become lovers. And they’re happily in love!
Apparently, marital friendship allows for couples to become more open and comfortable in each other’s company. It helps them build trust as well as emotional and physical intimacy. Now, that’s a relationship every couple would want to achieve, right?
7.Your future husband is a gift. Thank him for being the man he is.
A study published in the journal Personal Relationships revealed that the expression of gratitude yields a powerful impact on marital quality. And according to the study’s lead author Allen Barton, couples who say “thank you,” still find positivity in their marriage despite hardships and distress. Additionally, those with higher levels of gratitude expression are less vulnerable to divorce.
Considering this research, it is safe to say that gratitude plays a key role in keeping a marriage afloat. And so, I encourage you to practice saying “thank you” until it becomes a habit.
Thank your future husband even for the smallest things he does for you. Thank him for coming into your life. Remind him how grateful you are for his love.
Thank him for being the man that he is.
8.Your future marriage is a treasure. Protect it.
Marriage is a treasure. It is of high value and beauty. You are even set to spend a lifetime polishing it. Needless to say, it is your responsibility to guard it with all your might.
But you need to prepare for marriage threats that you may encounter along the way. I am referring to marital problems that will definitely put your love to the test.
Personality differences, weaknesses, traumas, varying preferences and even people around you are just some of the simple threats to your marriage. But there’s a lot more problems than those.
If you ask the experts, money, emotional infidelity, and time management are three of the most common issues in marriage. The list goes on. And dear, there’s a possibility for you to deal with these problems too.
In the long run, you’ll meet marriage challenges you never thought you’d face in your life. All couples go through these difficulties at some point in their relationship. Your marriage will not be spared.
But there’s actually no need to worry. If you decide to stick with your husband through the ups and downs, then you will always find the reasons to stay with him.
Just do your best to build guardrails made out of love to protect your marriage. And don’t ever let go of that love. You didn’t come this far just to give up, did you?
Before exchanging I Do’s, you need to realize that marriage is way more than just signing a piece of paper. And you should know by now that those happily ever after Disney movies are seriously far-fetched.
Because in reality, marriage is a long and winding adventure you have to finish with your husband—never mind the hardships and failures along the way.